Dealing with being "the fat one"

[soccermom2 27]

I'm going on spring break vacation with my in laws in a week and I shouldn't be but I'm so depressed and anxious over it. My MIL lost quite a bit of weight the past year, she had a mommy makeover about 10 years ago. She's a size 6 now. She looks amazing! And she's wealthy. I am happy for her but I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of how perfect her life seems. I know it's not and I know she has her own issues but I want it to be my turn already. I also hear the remarks they make to my husband about his weight when I think he looks great... so I know they make them about me when I'm gone.

I hate feeling like "the fat one" everywhere we go. I feel like everyone around us, everyone in our family is thinking it. Sometimes I think she loves it because I used to be really thin and beautiful... now I'm not anymore. What is wrong with me? I shouldn't think that way! Having kids has destroyed my body and depression from that has cause my weight to balloon in the past 5 years.

I'm getting sleeved this summer. I wish I had done it sooner specifically for instances like this. More than that I wish I hadn't let my weight get out of control. These things shouldn't be consuming me. I want to be out in the sunshine enjoying an amazing vacation with my kids but instead all I want to do is lock myself in the room for the week. They'll all be out in the pools and ocean and swimming with the dolphins... I'll just be observing in the longest swim dress coverup that I can find. I'll be the one wearing jeans near the equator because I'm too self conscious to wear shorts or dresses or anything remotely form fitting.

Sorry for the long post and I don't know what I'm really asking for with it. I guess I'm hoping to maybe hear from some people who can relate.

[Finally17 54]

I'm going on spring break vacation with my in laws in a week and I shouldn't be but I'm so depressed and anxious over it. My MIL lost quite a bit of weight the past year, she had a mommy makeover about 10 years ago. She's a size 6 now. She looks amazing! And she's wealthy. I am happy for her but I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of how perfect her life seems. I know it's not and I know she has her own issues but I want it to be my turn already. I also hear the remarks they make to my husband about his weight when I think he looks great... so I know they make them about me when I'm gone.
I hate feeling like "the fat one" everywhere we go. I feel like everyone around us, everyone in our family is thinking it. Sometimes I think she loves it because I used to be really thin and beautiful... now I'm not anymore. What is wrong with me? I shouldn't think that way! Having kids has destroyed my body and depression from that has cause my weight to balloon in the past 5 years.
I'm getting sleeved this summer. I wish I had done it sooner specifically for instances like this. More than that I wish I hadn't let my weight get out of control. These things shouldn't be consuming me. I want to be out in the sunshine enjoying an amazing vacation with my kids but instead all I want to do is lock myself in the room for the week. They'll all be out in the pools and ocean and swimming with the dolphins... I'll just be observing in the longest swim dress coverup that I can find. I'll be the one wearing jeans near the equator because I'm too self conscious to wear shorts or dresses or anything remotely form fitting.
Sorry for the long post and I don't know what I'm really asking for with it. I guess I'm hoping to maybe hear from some people who can relate.

To be honest, one of the reasons I'm getting the surgery is because I'm tired of being the different one, the fat one. I have trips coming up prior to my surgery, and I'll just have to be the ME I've always been. Just consider that we're taking charge of our lives and have made the decision to be better, healthier. Try to enjoy the time with family and know that next year you'll be less of you[emoji4]

[Syaniya 319]

There are many of us on here that can relate to exactly what your saying. I havent worn a swimsuit in about 20 years. Havent worn shorts in about 15, the list goes on...

You have made the decision to have surgery when the time is right for you. Enough of feeling like the one who is left out of the fun, next year that wont be you. Start making small changes now in your diet and routine and those changes will help you prepare for what you will soon go through.

[LadyFurball 18]

I can so relate to being the only fat one, the only fat one in a family who likes to talk about fat people, and I can relate to the pain that comes through in your post. I I don't know if this will help at all, but it has certainly helped me. (I should say I have not been sleeved yet, probably late May or early June for me, and I have been the fat one for as long as I can remember.)

What has helped me tremendously is to remember that I am worth just as much as those people, my struggle has been different but has most certainly earned me the right to have the sun on my shoulders just as much as they have the sun on theirs. I hope you are able to allow yourself to be comfortable, especially knowing that you are taking charge.

OK, here's the thing that has helped me so much as I have moved towards releasing the fat and have decided to have the surgery: There are a lot of gifts buried under this fat. A lot of gifts that I never really thought about it until I was in my 40s. Being the "fat one", I am also the one who truly knows who the nice people are. My thin and "traditionally beautiful" friends tend to be treated much better than I am. On the surface, that seems incredibly hurtful… I know. But, I have the benefit of knowing that the people who treat me well regardless of my looks are the good people. In fact, it's one of the gifts that I am not looking forward to giving up. being the "fat one", I have had a chance to observe so many things, and to identify the places where kindness is needed, because as so many of us know, we become kind of invisible sometimes, ironic as that sounds. I would like to think I have as much compassion as I would if I had the experience of being traditionally beautiful, but I think people who are traditionally beautiful don't see the subtle things the fat ones do. I am not sorry to have had this experience.

Of course no one can say for sure, but I would suspect your MIL is going to think what she's going to think anyway, and in my humble opinion, the way to work with these people is to have as much fun as possible despite what they may or may not be thinking and saying. They're going to think and say it anyway, might as well show them that you are so much more than the fat one.

Sorry about the long post, what I hope for you is that maybe this time before surgery can be a time to gather the gifts gained by being the fat one, and perhaps to go out there on a limb and have some fun in the body you have now :-) if you need pep talks while you are away, message me! [emoji254][emoji93][emoji173]🦋

[Pam_2-06-2017 375]

LadyFurBall you are amazing! What a wonderful perspective. Thank you so much for sharing it.

[LadyFurball 18]

LadyFurBall you are amazing! What a wonderful perspective. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Aw shucks , thanks! [emoji173]️

[SassyScienceNerd 213]

Basically all of my friends are fit or a normal weight, and I am the fat one. We live at the beach, so basically all summer, I'm the one in a long dress and a wrap trying not to show my arms.... like I could hide the fact that I'm fat... like no one will know what's under here. Lol.

A bunch of them went on a snowboarding trip this winter, and I didn't even get an invite. I know they didn't do it maliciously. They knew I couldn't snowboard or fit in a snowsuit or borrow anyone's gear, so they just didn't ask. I don't want to not be asked anymore.

And yes, I'm really looking forward to not being the fat one in the family, too. My grandmother was a ballet dancer until she aged out, but always has been slender and lean. She cannot help but make "helpful" comments all the time. I am really excited for those to be over.

[Finally17 54]

I feel your pain. Good luck to all of us wanting the be "normal" and healthy!

[Brandeis 401]

It really is a crazy thing to NOT be the fat one, anymore. I have been the fattest person I know for so long, and finally, I'm the same size as a friend of mine -- and it's such a weird feeling!! I never fully understood how girls just shared clothes before, but that's finally on the horizon....

It's a good feeling! Instead of obsessing over how that's not you now, look to the future.

Also, no matter how fat you are, wear what you wanna wear baby!! I was still a size 18/20 on my cruise this year, but fuck it, I wore a torrid bikini anyway. Everyone else can deal!

[Berry78 4,261]

At 300lbs I like to wear long compression leggings (men's Under Armor heat gear 2x), no underwear, with a long loose synthetic material top...( or another compression short sleeved top. ) I keep my regular bra on.

I'm covered up, but the lightweight synthetic clothes allow for comfortable swimming and walking around out of the Water. Dries pretty fast too.

I have massive varicose veins below the knee.. that's why I wear long leggings. Another person could just wear the shorts.