Resources for Spouse?

[LINZ62383 39]

Hi all:

This is my first post on these message boards. I am in my first month of my six-month long physician-monitored diet to receive approval from my insurer for gastric bypass surgery. I am hoping to complete the monitored diet by early August and then schedule my surgery for early October. One of my biggest concerns with this surgery is how my husband will also have to adjust to this change. I am the cook for all of our meals and we eat take-out a number of times a week. I had my psych evaluation this morning and they stressed how important it is to recognize that relationships will have to change once you have surgery. That, like an alcoholic, you can no longer have friends that "go out to the bar and drink," so to speak. My husband has never had to worry about his weight and eats anything he wants. He is incredibly supportive in my decision to have weight loss surgery but I would like to find some additional resources for him to read or watch if they exist. I think that sometimes it's easier for a spouse or family member to have some material to look at on their own rather than me talking at them all the time. Hopefully that makes sense. Does anyone who is pre-op already attend support meetings, and if so, has anyone taken his or her spouse or support person to the meetings? I am wondering if that is a good way for me to keep him involved. Anyway, that's all for now. I am sure I will be posting more on here in the future, so I look forward to talking to and getting to know some of you.

Thanks!

L

[heatherfeather81 17]

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[BigViffer 3,544]

If your husband is supportive, you most likely won't have any issues. The only real problem will be ignorance on his part. I don't mean that insultingly, only definitively. I know many times my parents will invite us over for dinner and they have something that sounds healthy but in reality is just marketing fluff. Fat free something doesn't mean high Protein or bariatric friendly. So educating him is a good idea, just forgive any early mistakes.

I don't know of any material that spells out guidelines strictly for spouses. But you could involve him in your studying of the material. Have him quiz you on certain facts about the procedure and maybe have a list of foods that are good choices and some that are bad choices try and figure which are which and why.

In the beginning, my wife tore through all kids of Facebook groups and websites. She was very interested in my new lifestyle. She doesn't follow it like I do, but she makes every effort to ensure I am successful.

Edited March 14, 2017 by BigViffer

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

I'm 6.5 months out from surgery. I am the primary cook for my husband and two teenage daughters. As far as using the not going to the bar and drinking analogy, I don't think that's right. Once I got to the point where I was eating "normal" food (about 6 weeks out) I was able to go out to eat with my family or order from a takeout menu. At the end of January, my husband and I enjoyed an anniversary dinner as part of restaurant week here in Philly. I was able to find many things to order and just brought stuff home.

We went out for Cuban Friday with the family. I didn't order an appetizer. I did have a small taste of what everyone else ordered (1 bite) and then I had a chicken dish. I didn't eat the rice or the Beans and took half of the portion home because it was too big. They had dessert, and we all chatted. It was fine.

The most difficult part is the first few weeks while you are on a limited diet. It was very hard for me, emotionally, to prepare meals for them once I was off full liquids, but had been moved onto soft foods. But you stick with it.

Make sure you involve him in the process and during the pre-op program, he can eat just what you eat, but eat more of it for the calories he needs. Have him come to one of the appointments with your team and to a support group meeting. (I'm assuming your program has them -- mine has three different meetings each month and spouses are welcome). Also, my program had a great binder they gave us with all kinds of information and I made sure he had access to it to read, if he wanted. My guy has been wonderfully supportive.

If you have questions, feel free to message me. We started in about the same place. I'm shooting to be 150 by my 1 year anniversary but I need to see how I look when I get near that weight. Right now, I'm within 10 pounds of what I weighed when I got married 20 years ago.