Should you tell?

[Nancy33 0]

I've been thinking long and hard about this and I have decided that the people I am dreading finding out about my surgery are the same people who I dread sharing almost any "good news" with. They are my negative friends and co workers, the ones who love the fact that I am bigger than them. They love it that I am always on a diet, it gives them someone to whine to when they gain a few pounds. I AM DONE WITH THEM and you should be, too! A few people on this site have mentioned that they would be really hurt if they found out they were being lied (O.K. just not told the whole truth) if someone they knew was losing weight on the lap-band,I feel the same way. It works and we should share that with others who are trying.

I told my family and my mother-in-law-to-be keeps sending me pictures of Starr Jones (yes, I know she had bypass and not a lap band) but I see this as a great sign of support and it makes me giggle!!

Be proud of that we are about to or have accomplished. I know we can all do it with each others support and you'll be surprised to find out who will be supportive. I just mentioned it to a group of women I casually know and they told me that

2 of my older neighbors were just banded. :faint:

Can't wait to talk to them and find out how they are doing!

BE Proud for what you are doing is for yourself and no one else!

Well maybe someone else will benefit from it;)

[Wendell Edwards 73]

I've been thinking long and hard about this and I have decided that the people I am dreading finding out about my surgery are the same people who I dread sharing almost any "good news" with. They are my negative friends and co workers, the ones who love the fact that I am bigger than them. They love it that I am always on a diet, it gives them someone to whine to when they gain a few pounds. I AM DONE WITH THEM and you should be, too! A few people on this site have mentioned that they would be really hurt if they found out they were being lied (O.K. just not told the whole truth) if someone they knew was losing weight on the lap-band,I feel the same way. It works and we should share that with others who are trying.

I told my family and my mother-in-law-to-be keeps sending me pictures of Starr Jones (yes, I know she had bypass and not a lap band) but I see this as a great sign of support and it makes me giggle!!

Be proud of that we are about to or have accomplished. I know we can all do it with each others support and you'll be surprised to find out who will be supportive. I just mentioned it to a group of women I casually know and they told me that

2 of my older neighbors were just banded. :faint:

Can't wait to talk to them and find out how they are doing!

BE Proud for what you are doing is for yourself and no one else!

Well maybe someone else will benefit from it;)

The age-old question:

.

"Should I tell my family and friends?"

It's up to each individual.

In an ideal world, everyone would love them and support their decision to have life-saving surgery. But this is the REAL WORLD, where some people just can't keep themselves from making nasty, hurtful, ignorant and insensitive comments to people.

If people don't want those comments, or are not strong enough to NOT CARE what other people think, then I recommend DON'T TELL THEM!

[jjsmiles 3]

I have and continue to struggle with that question, but I think for me (at least at this moment), the decision to be banded (I got mine on September 25) is about taking control of MY life in my own way and I need to stop my health and happiness being about others.

I at first thought I would only tell a few people, based on my definition of need to know. I then thought about it and asked myself, what is stopping me? Am I ashamed of my decision? NO!!! Am I taking control? YES!!!! Do I have anything to be embarassed about? NO!!! Isn't it obvious to everyone around me that I am obese and have not had success in helping myself in the past? YES (they are not blind)!!!!

I have told my friends and many of my colleagues and generally people have been curious, supportive and slightly hesitant.

For me, part of the decision to tell felt like I was saying right from the beginning that I am ready for this journey and am not going to hedge my bets by not telling, just in case I don't succeed. I WILL SUCCEED!!!

Do you truly have any ability to change the attitudes of those around you? I would argue that with education - maybe. Truly though, if those people need to be negative you need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be healthy and productive.

This is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make and you need to do whatever it is that will be a support to you, whether you decide to tell or not.

[Longhorn 1]

I'm still in the research phase but I did Medifast four years ago and faced a similar question about telling people. If some people thought a fasting diet was drastic, wait till they hear about this!

Anyway, my reasons for keeping this to myself is mostly because I have a family of "know-it-alls" -- and I say that in the most loving way possible, because I tend to be one, too. They will love and support me but if something goes against their views, they have no hesitation to speak out, even when they don't have any knowledge on the subject -- just opinions. My husband and my children, thankfully, aren't like that. They may have questions but they're not trying to debate me. They know that if I'm considering something, that I have or will do the research. I'm not into fads and my research into Lap-Band Surgery has convinced me that this is not a fad.

I also like keeping it to myself because part of the fun of losing weight is when others notice. I know they're not just trying to be nice if they comment on my weight loss without knowing what's going on.

I will eventually let people know if I choose to do this but I will tell them on my schedule and I will be proud to tell them!

[wannabthin 0]

I was just banded on Sept 14th. As of right now the only people that know are my husband and my mom. I decided not to tell anyone because I don't need their approval or disapproval. I did this because I felt like it was right for me. I too have alot of know it all people around me & I am tired of all their opinions. I Know the moment it comes out of my mouth I will be judged & since I have been fat for 8 years now I am tired of being judged!!!! Whenever I would diet someone would always have a comment on the diet I was doing. When I would go to the gym someone would have a comment about my work out. I know several people that had bypass surgery & everyone talks badly & looks down on them because they aren't eating the way they feel they should. I know I am coming off bitter :angry(and I am) and I am sorry for that. I guess I just needed to say that I am tired of everyone's comments and opinions when it comes to my body! If we lived in a world where people were actually supportive and happy for us I would tell, but right now I don't feel that I live in that world!

But please understand that when I am saying that I am tired of everyone's comments and opinions I am not referring to people on this forum. I am speaking of people that are around me in my life. Thanks for listening to my rant! And by the way if I would speak like this at work I would be told to "EAT A HAMBURGER"

[lauren0728 0]

wannabethin-

i feel the SAME EXACT WAY! and quite frankly i dont care if im bitter! i am scheduled for my surgery on october 11 and im not telling anyone but my mom. I go through everyday (im a college) and just about everyday im asked if im pregnant?!?! i lost weight last year, but gained it all back and more, so im hoping this will be a life long helping hand in keeping my weight in a healthy range. But i know for a fact if i said anything to my friends, or even distant family i would be ridiculed. In fact im being ridiculed for gaining the weight right now by my own grandparents, get this... at my brothers NICE birthday dinner they asked me how much i weighed and how i could possibly be happy at that weight in front of my WHOLLLLLLLLLLLe extended family! WTF.... this is going to be tough for me to keep a secret because of my age and lifestyle, i know that and im ready for the challange.... anything to get healthy! good luck to you, and if you need anyone to vent to about your expirences with people that just plain and simple, dont understand, feel free to message me because i will assure you i can relate to pretty much anything!!!!

power to ya~

Lauren

[fluffyinks 0]

This is a great question...do we tell or not. I understand everyone who has written here and feel the same way as you all. I have told my husband (of course), my kids, my dad, sister and 3 close friends. My husband, kids, dad (I was very surprised by his support) and ONE friend were supportive. My sister and 2 other friends were not negative, but not supportive either. One of my friends asked me if I am going to tell people. I thought about it for a few days and told her that if people ask me how I lost the weight, that I would be honest, but that I don't plan on announcing it to the world. I AM NOT ashamed, but just careful.

We all need to remember....Obesity is a disease, not a personal flaw.

Hugs!

[Irisheyes123 0]

Should you tell......that is a great question. I also tried Medifast a year ago and lost 50 pounds; people at work were very encouraging. Then went on vacation and the weight crept back on...and then some. I felt like such a failure. So, I decided, at first to keep the LBS on the Q.T. and just discuss with family and a few close friends who were all very supportive.

I've received no negativity about my decision from others. In fact many people said they knew of someone who was also banded with much success. Hey, if you encounter negative people, remember the line from Desiderata......"Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to your Spirit." If you just trust your instincts, your gut...you'll know what to say, whether you disclose the surgery or say, "I've been eating less and exercising." (WHICH is true.)

Irisheyes123

Banded 9/26/7

[sonic777 0]

I agree with everyone about the question...it's great and one that we struggle with.

I originally didn't want to let the cat out the bag but then changed my view and shared the information with everyone. I only have one friend that I consider a know-it-all and he took the information and instead of telling me about all he knows he actually asked questions.

It is a personal choice that can impact us very strongly. No matter what you decide, it has to be right for you and your situation.

[tizen33 0]

I have and continue to struggle with that question, but I think for me (at least at this moment), the decision to be banded (I got mine on September 25) is about taking control of MY life in my own way and I need to stop my health and happiness being about others.

I at first thought I would only tell a few people, based on my definition of need to know. I then thought about it and asked myself, what is stopping me? Am I ashamed of my decision? NO!!! Am I taking control? YES!!!! Do I have anything to be embarassed about? NO!!! Isn't it obvious to everyone around me that I am obese and have not had success in helping myself in the past? YES (they are not blind)!!!!

I have told my friends and many of my colleagues and generally people have been curious, supportive and slightly hesitant.

For me, part of the decision to tell felt like I was saying right from the beginning that I am ready for this journey and am not going to hedge my bets by not telling, just in case I don't succeed. I WILL SUCCEED!!!

Do you truly have any ability to change the attitudes of those around you? I would argue that with education - maybe. Truly though, if those people need to be negative you need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be healthy and productive.

This is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make and you need to do whatever it is that will be a support to you, whether you decide to tell or not.

JJSmiles~ You express a wonderful sentiment. Very inspiring, thanks.

It sounds like you are in the perfect place in your life for this.

I have only told a couple of family members and my two dearest friends. I will most likely tell others in my life as it comes up. I have a solid core of support at this point. My grandmother (who raised me) was a little judgemental but I she is being supportive in her own way.

Which makes me have to say to Lauren0728~ OMG I'm so sorry about your grandparents asking you about your weight in front of the whole family. Sounds like they have about as much kooth (use phonics I don't know how that's spelled:phanvan) as my grandparents. I think some people just don't have the proper filters of what is appropriate or not. And some people as they get older feel entitled to say whatever comes to their mind without really thinking about the effects. I might be the same way when I'm a grandma someday but I don't think so.

Good luck to everyone on your journeys!

[Sades 4]

At first I was hesitant about telling people but then decided that I wasn't ashamed about what I plan to do. The funny thing is that almost every person I have told so far knows someone who's done it. I told my boss and she said she understood because her husband has struugled with his weight in the 20 years she's been with him. A couple of others have said they wish they could do it. 95% of the people I have told were very supportive. The one thing I have learnt in life is that there will always be people who will put you down... if it's not about this, it will be about something else.. they're not worth a second thought.

[Dreamchasertx 1]

I've been dealing with the issue of whether or not to tell anyone, also. I told my best friend first, and she flat out told me "No, don't do it". But I did tell a few people at work today, but asked them not to spread it around. They were all very supportive. I haven't told my daughters or my sister. I know my sis would surely blab it all over town. I just don't want to be known as "she's the one that had that weight loss surgery". I want me to just look at me when they see me, not that I've had to get banded to lose weight. How do you guys feel about that part of it?

[foxychick04 0]

I've decided not to tell and it has been great - I don't feel like I'm keeping a secret at all. I'm at a stage in my life that I need to make major changes, I have spent the last 25 years living my life according to what best for everyone else. I'm done with that! I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing - far from it and I probably will tell people once I've got my band under control and I'm happy with the weight I'm losing but I really felt this is a journey that I wanted to go on by myself. I've realised that although your family and friends love you and want the best for you they don't understand what it means to be fat and what this surgery means (however everyone on this forum does!), obviously I can explain it to them but I really wanted to be selfish and focus on myself and not making them understand.

I've only been in my job 5 months so don't think my work colleagues have 'earned' the right to know something so personal about me.

I really think this has to be a personal decision but once you tell - you can't take it back.

Good luck.

Sorry if I came over as selfish - I've spent most of my life being a giver and as a result I've been stuck with some friends that only think about themselves and a husband that sees me a replacement mum. Part of deciding to go for the lapband is also a decision to change my life as a whole.

[sawdust 0]

Im in the same boat as most of you ,who if anyone should I tell. Well I decided to tell my husband,children,sisters and my pastor Ididnt want anyone on my husbands side to knowbecause he has 5brothers all who have always had skinny wives and 6 sisters that have never been fat a day in their lives they think all you have to be is disiplined and not eat after 40 years in this family believe me when Isay they would not support me so why put myself through it:think

[sawdust 0]

by the way I was banded 8 days ago in forthworth Dr.Marsden he was great