Just Venting

[naturallyzee 292]

Here I am sitting in my car eating my salad with only vegetables and fat free dressing as described in my pre-op diet. I'm 6 days out and horrified. I'm on the verge of changing my mind. I'm having so many emotions I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm actually mourning the loss of food. Everything I see, my heart literally hurts. My mind constantly says you will never have that again. I don't have any underlying issues. I was never molested or abused in any manner. My parents have been married for 52 years. I just love food. I love the way it looks smells and tastes. I feel like I'm loosing a friend. I want to back out so bad but I need the surgery so bad. My health is horrible. I take 2 shots for diabetes and take 4 pills. Along with 2 blood pressure meds. Most of a I have a four year old daughter that I love so much and would die for. How ironic is it that I would die for her but at this very moment I'm dieing because I love food.

My daughter is my life. I'm doing this for. She needs me. She is more excited about me loosing weight than I am. Everything day she says Mommy when you loose weight we are going to have so much fun. She wants us to ride bikes, run, and jump. This morning she said when you loose weight we can wear the same dress and yours won't be tight. She just has this vision of us running through a field of flowers. She deserves this. So why am I having second thoughts. I need this so bad but I'm so afraid of the aftermath. Sorry for rambling but my mind I'd going 90 miles per hour

[Navigating the Wilderness 824]

9 minutes ago, naturallyzee said:

Here I am sitting in my car eating my salad with only vegetables and fat free dressing as described in my pre-op diet. I'm 6 days out and horrified. I'm on the verge of changing my mind. I'm having so many emotions I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm actually mourning the loss of food. Everything I see, my heart literally hurts. My mind constantly says you will never have that again. I don't have any underlying issues. I was never molested or abused in any manner. My parents have been married for 52 years. I just love food. I love the way it looks smells and tastes. I feel like I'm loosing a friend. I want to back out so bad but I need the surgery so bad. My health is horrible. I take 2 shots for diabetes and take 4 pills. Along with 2 blood pressure meds. Most of a I have a four year old daughter that I love so much and would die for. How ironic is it that I would die for her but at this very moment I'm dieing because I love food.

My daughter is my life. I'm doing this for. She needs me. She is more excited about me loosing weight than I am. Everything day she says Mommy when you loose weight we are going to have so much fun. She wants us to ride bikes, run, and jump. This morning she said when you loose weight we can wear the same dress and yours won't be tight. She just has this vision of us running through a field of flowers. She deserves this. So why am I having second thoughts. I need this so bad but I'm so afraid of the aftermath. Sorry for rambling but my mind I'd going 90 miles per hour

I put in bold something you said. The night before surgery my happy wife came home and couldn't understand why I was not happy. Then I busted out crying "I'm loosing my best friend". That is a hard hard truth.

The first week out of surgery was a mental battle all day against cravings, and not ice cream and chips, but things like tomatoes and salad. Things I would not have imagined I would crave. There was much more subsequent crying in the weeks to come.

Now, 1 month post-op I will say it was worth it and more. The cravings will subside and the energy you get back after getting some of the weight of is A-MAZE-ING!!

The best thing I can say is to focus on your goal! The food will become secondary when you get on the scale and see the weight you have lost. It will become secondary when you feel better. It will become secondary when you throw the damn diabetes meds away when you get to the point that you don't need them anymore. Most importantly, food will be an afterthought once you realize that you CAN run through the field of flowers with your daughter, and the feeling you get from that is sooo much better than anything you ever got from food!

Best of luck, stay strong, focus on your goals!!

[Pescador 1,374]

My husband and I were sleeved at 67, almost 4 years ago. He has lost over 100 lbs and it has added years to his life, as well as quality of life. Diabetes had destroyed my peace of mind as he got older. We live normally now, and seriously eat to live. Sure I miss chicken and dumplings, biscuits, gravy, etc. but I refuse to bring that stuff in my house. Wish we had known about the sleeve 25 years ago when we started going to WL Seminars. I still watch My 600 lb Life, to remind myself what food can do to one'S body and life. Do this for your daughter. If you are ready to let her be the focus of your life, not food. ❤️

[christine0702 2]

I love that show the surgery is definitely worth it I was sleeved on 1/30 I have a 8 month daughter

[WorkinOnMe 596]

You said you feel like you are mourning food .... Honestly Hun, you are. And that's ok! I am almost 2 years out, lost about 140lbs, and no longer take ANY prescription medications for comorbidities (just allergies). The few weeks leading up to surgery were HELL for me. I was miserable, fought with my kids, and my husband &I had a really rough time helping each other through. I mourned the loss of food, especially when I watched my family eat what I couldn't. Then I had my surgery. BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!! My husband went to a couple post-op counseling sessions with me & it actually strengthened our relationship. I started walking & then running road races, which has lead me to a group of amazing women. But most of all my view of food COMPLETELY changed. I am never hungry. I don't miss eating certain things, and if I get 'head cravings' I let myself have a couple bites and that is usually plenty. My entire life has changed. Vent away if you need to ... People here are great sounding boards! But try to remember that this is just a small step as you move towards the rest of your life!! Good luck!

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

Most people on this journey start out that way. In time you will realize you can now eat just about anything you loved before, just not the same portions. Truly understanding that was a real game-changer for me. I too was caught up in this false belief that I was going to go through the rest of my life going without when that's not what life is about at all. The key is moderation. So I can still eat pizza but just one slice and not an entire large pizza as before and I can eat that slice knowing that I'm not going to gain weight by eating it. The same with anything.

(Note: I'm almost at goal so the situation may be different for people who are just starting or who have just recently had surgery.)

[naturallyzee 292]

On 3/2/2017 at 2:13 PM, Navigating the Wilderness said:

I put in bold something you said. The night before surgery my happy wife came home and couldn't understand why I was not happy. Then I busted out crying "I'm loosing my best friend". That is a hard hard truth.

The first week out of surgery was a mental battle all day against cravings, and not ice cream and chips, but things like tomatoes and salad. Things I would not have imagined I would crave. There was much more subsequent crying in the weeks to come.

Now, 1 month post-op I will say it was worth it and more. The cravings will subside and the energy you get back after getting some of the weight of is A-MAZE-ING!!

The best thing I can say is to focus on your goal! The food will become secondary when you get on the scale and see the weight you have lost. It will become secondary when you feel better. It will become secondary when you throw the damn diabetes meds away when you get to the point that you don't need them anymore. Most importantly, food will be an afterthought once you realize that you CAN run through the field of flowers with your daughter, and the feeling you get from that is sooo much better than anything you ever got from food!

Best of luck, stay strong, focus on your goals!

I thought it was just me feeling that way. I was literally crying when I read your reply. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I didn't think my husband would understand. I'm just waiting for the day that I eat to live and not live to eat. I just want so badly to be successful at this. I'm feeling better but still horrified.

[naturallyzee 292]

My husband and I were sleeved at 67, almost 4 years ago. He has lost over 100 lbs and it has added years to his life, as well as quality of life. Diabetes had destroyed my peace of mind as he got older. We live normally now, and seriously eat to live. Sure I miss chicken and dumplings, biscuits, gravy, etc. but I refuse to bring that stuff in my house. Wish we had known about the sleeve 25 years ago when we started going to WL Seminars. I still watch My 600 lb Life, to remind myself what food can do to one'S body and life. Do this for your daughter. If you are ready to let her be the focus of your life, not food. ️

I'm trying my best to just think of my daughter. She has truly been a blessing to our lives. I just think she deserves this. I'm still afraid but I'm going through with this. I'm just praying for the best.

[naturallyzee 292]

You said you feel like you are mourning food .... Honestly Hun, you are. And that's ok! I am almost 2 years out, lost about 140lbs, and no longer take ANY prescription medications for comorbidities (just allergies). The few weeks leading up to surgery were HELL for me. I was miserable, fought with my kids, and my husband &I had a really rough time helping each other through. I mourned the loss of food, especially when I watched my family eat what I couldn't. Then I had my surgery. BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!! My husband went to a couple post-op counseling sessions with me & it actually strengthened our relationship. I started walking & then running road races, which has lead me to a group of amazing women. But most of all my view of food COMPLETELY changed. I am never hungry. I don't miss eating certain things, and if I get 'head cravings' I let myself have a couple bites and that is usually plenty. My entire life has changed. Vent away if you need to ... People here are great sounding boards! But try to remember that this is just a small step as you move towards the rest of your life!! Good luck!

I honestly felt like I was alone. I didn't think anyone would understand why I felt like I was in mourning. I didn't think my husband would understand. He is very supportive of me having the surgery but I don't think he truly understands my struggle. Im going to take your advice and drag him to the monthly support group.


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[naturallyzee 292]

Here I am still venting. Tomorrow is the day. I'm scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 AM. I'm so afraid, anxious excited and happy at the same time. I am just flooded with emotions. I've said it 59 times on this blog but I'm doing this mainly for my
daughter. She deserves so much more than I can give right now. She has brought so much joy to my husband and I. I want to give her the best life.

On to a new subject. I was on my lunch break. Since I can't eat I just drove around. I saw every restaurant you can imagine. I decided to stop at the library. When I left the library there was someone sitting outside eating chips and drinking soda.This set off another set of emotions. I just know that after tomorrow my relationship with food will forever be different. I know this is a good thing but it is still hard. No one around me understands how I feel. I have literally cried thinking about it.

I'm trying to think of these things to keep from backing out:

After tomorrow,

I can be the mother I so badly want to be.

I can be the wife my husband deserves.

I will no longer have to scan the room to see if I'm the heaviest in the room.

I will no longer have to stay home because I'm embarrassed of my weight.

I will soon be able to run as I've dreamed of.

I will no longer be ashamed of eating in a restaurant.

I will no longer have this pain in my knees.

I will be able to take my daughter to Disney World and not have to worry about not fitting on things and being unable to walk around.

The person on the outside will match the person on the inside.

Let's just hope these thoughts make it until
tomorrow.

[Syaniya 319]

Good luck tomorrow morning. New you, new life, new adventures..enjoy

[naturallyzee 292]

Good luck tomorrow morning. New you, new life, new adventures..enjoy [emoji4]

Thanks

[naturallyzee 292]

Today is my big day. I'm sitting here in holding waiting to go back. I'm scared and excited at the same time. I will post later.

[naturallyzee 292]

Still here in holding. I wish the doctor would hurry. Getting more nervous by the minute.

[Syaniya 319]

Hope youre already in and out by now...walk, walk, walk