angry and betrayed

[brightfeather 1]

the title looks overblown, but I don't have better words for what I'm currently feeling.

I finally met with my surgeon today. went in excited to have finally reached this point, and eager to set a date. as I've worked my way through the process of getting this far, I've kept my focus on the end goal, but it's been a really rough couple of months:

when I did my initial intake appointment with the only practice that handles this surgery on this end of the state, I was very clear on a few things: I knew I wanted roux en y, I knew I had a limited time frame due to insurance considerations (insurance year resets April 1), and I knew I might have some additional hurdles to jump due to preexisting conditions. I was VERY clear about my current health and conditions, all meds, and my goals for surgery. I was quickly alerted to the fact that my endometriosis, and the nsaids I took for it, might be an issue. intake dr discussed case with surgeons at their monthly meeting, and then told me that I would not be approved for surgery while the endo was still an issue. the only way to get rid of it permanently was to have a hysterectomy. while this was part of my long term plans (I'm only 38, and haven't had kids), I hadnt planned on doing it until i hot 40 or had kids, but I now had to cram a second surgery in before the bypass.

2: the hysterectomy turned into a more difficult affair than I had aimed for. Apparently, I don't have a lot of pain relief from narcotics, but they do a bang up job of shutting my gut down completely. Constipation from hell. 5 days after surgery, I was in the er 3 times in 12 hrs for hemorroids, before being admitted to the hospital for a second surgery to have them removed. this was waaay more painful than the hysterectomy, and I continue to have a lot of pain and discomfort.

3: by the time I'm recovered enough from surgery 2 to think about returning to work, it's become apparent that the hormone crash from surgical menopause is causing me crippling fatigue and depression. I end up off of work for 5 1/2 weeks, only 2 of which are covered by PTO. so now, I'm still in pain in my ass from surgical sites that still haven't closed, I'm an emotional wreck, I'm exhausted, and I'm supposed to be returning to working for a bitch of a boss tomorrow.

4: meanwhile, while recovering from surgeries 1 and 2, I meet with my Dr again, and I'm told that the prednisone I'm taking for my asthma is an issue if I want a bypass (I've been tapering off of it sloooowly, but I could have pushed it up if I'd known sooner that I needed to be off it for an extended period prior to surgery, rather than just "off it"). so I finish tapering off as quickly as possible, which adds to the emotional hot mess I'm already experiencing. but I can deal with this to get to my goal. eyes on the prizero and all that.

5: and then, today, I finally meet with the surgeon and I'm told that bypass isn't an option because of another med that I can't stop taking. a med that I've been on for years, and which was clearly listed on my meds list in the initial appointment months ago. oh, and by the way, since all he'll do is the sleeve, I can take nsaids in the future if needed. after my brain stops glitch ing, I point blank ask him if I needed to have the hysterectomy NOW, and I get a "Dodge the question" answer. which seems to indicate that no, I didnt??????

6: so here I am, at 230 in the morning, after 3 sobbing jags, pissed off and mourning what now looks like an unnecessarily early loss of my fertility, compounded by financial stress (still have lots more unpaid time off work to come after the gastric surgery, while the bills keep coming in), work stress and a boss irritated by my absence, hormonal crashes, bipolar disorder thats ramping back up to the worst it's been in a decade, and exhaustion.

I feel ANGRY. really really angry, and betrayed (logical or not) by a dr/team that should have sorted this shit out BEFORE I had a major, unalterable, fertility ending, highly stressful surgery. and there's not a damn thing I can do about it at this point.

[Clementine Sky 708]

Oh my goodness. I wish I had words of comfort or wisdom to offer, or a way to reach through the internet and give you a hug. I'd feel precisely the same way in that position. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I'm not knowledgeable about medical malpractice and am not litigious by nature, but it's something I'd think about looking into.

I hope that if you have the sleeve it helps you to attain a healthy weight. I had the VSG in August of 2015 and it has benefitted me tremendously.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

Goodness, I can't even imagine the stress you have been through and the anger you must feel.

Sending you best wishes and a virtual hug!

[Berry78 4,261]

Yes, I would be angry too. [Hugs]

Do you want a devil's advocate? (The up side to things?) If not, don't bother reading below.


1. Now you know your system doesn't like painkillers, so you can take steps to prevent Constipation during your sleeve journey.

2. It is recommended to not get pregnant for a couple years after bariatric sugery, which would have run you out of time anyway.

3. Just because you can't get pregnant doesn't mean you can't be a parent.

4. You are getting the painful procedures out of the way so you can focus on feeling better going forward.

5. No pregnancy means no required weight regain.

6. The sleeve will be a simpler surgery, with fewer potential complications long-term.

[kim766 25]

For sure I can only imagine how you are feeling but things will work out for you the sleeve surgery is less invasive

[TheHungryCaterpillar 7]

I don't know if this the time, but I'd consider legal advice - I think you health care team have been negligent and you may have some comeback for all the stress and illness the unnecessary surgery has caused. I suggest you find a lawyer specialising in medical negligence to explore if you have a case. All the best. Sending hugs.

Sent from my SM-G930F using the BariatricPal App

[Paulaski 26]

Ditto above. Legal advise. Prayers and hugs your way.

[Paulaski 26]

Sorry. Meant advice.

[Amy Sty 11]

Wow, what a mess. You almost have to be a Dr in order to talk to or go to a Dr. If you don't have the exact questions to ask, you don't get the information you need. I'm so sorry all this has happened.
I was sleeved last week and do far so good. The pain was not at all awful. I had a total hysterectomy last year, and the pain was far more. I, too, get horribly "backed up" from pain killers, so I've been through what you're suffering. I was actually put in the hospital it got so bad, I can now tell people I was in fact, full of shit. Lol
So please consider your option and weigh the differences. I'm not sure why you preferred 1 over the other, but the sleeve is proven to work and surgery will only need to be on 1 organ.
Good luck to you.

[pixiechick 4]

Wow what a mess, hang in there but something to consider is if it's stressful now how are you coping, if the answer is food, imagine if that were not available? I'm still struggling with that 4 months out

Also I'll second Amy, I also had a full hysterectomy and like you was exhausted and out of work a lot longer than I thought. But I had a band revision to duodenal switch sleeve and gallbladder surgery on a Wednesday and went back to work on Monday(not super energetic but I could sit at my desk)

I wish you luck it's a challenging journey but I'm down 60lbs so it sure helps


Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[RJrocks 69]

This is so unfair! My gosh I am so angry for you right now. :-(

[Navigating the Wilderness 824]

Ok, first off your anger is totally validated and you have every right to feel that way. So what is done is done and now you need to move on to hopefully a competent surgeon, and possibly determine with the aid of a lawyer going after the old surgeon.

As for work stress, try very hard to decouple your anger at the surgeon with your anger towards your boss. Deal with them separately and try not to let them 'stack' on top of each other to where you have a complete meltdown. Consider perhaps, if you feel your boss is even a half way decent person, sharing your journey and frustration with them. Who knows, this person may become a big supporter of yours. No one likes to see someone get screwed around like you did.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Navigating the Wilderness

[AZBlackhawk 122]

I am so sorry you are going through this hassle! I haven't yet had WLS, but had my ovaries out about 5 years ago (not a full hysterectomy). But man, I was 33 and surgical menopause and hormone craziness is awful! my only advice would be to go to a good Ob/Gyn who deals with hormone therapy. Even if you would not go on hormone replacement, perhaps there are more natural things you can do.

I wasn't going to do hormones, but had to for my sanity. Breast cancer runs in my family and that's why I had my ovaries out. I think taking hormones makes it hard to lose weight too.

Wishing you health and recovery.

[Tiale 20]

the title looks overblown, but I don't have better words for what I'm currently feeling.
I finally met with my surgeon today. went in excited to have finally reached this point, and eager to set a date. as I've worked my way through the process of getting this far, I've kept my focus on the end goal, but it's been a really rough couple of months:
when I did my initial intake appointment with the only practice that handles this surgery on this end of the state, I was very clear on a few things: I knew I wanted roux en y, I knew I had a limited time frame due to insurance considerations (insurance year resets April 1), and I knew I might have some additional hurdles to jump due to preexisting conditions. I was VERY clear about my current health and conditions, all meds, and my goals for surgery. I was quickly alerted to the fact that my endometriosis, and the nsaids I took for it, might be an issue. intake dr discussed case with surgeons at their monthly meeting, and then told me that I would not be approved for surgery while the endo was still an issue. the only way to get rid of it permanently was to have a hysterectomy. while this was part of my long term plans (I'm only 38, and haven't had kids), I hadnt planned on doing it until i hot 40 or had kids, but I now had to cram a second surgery in before the bypass.
2: the hysterectomy turned into a more difficult affair than I had aimed for. Apparently, I don't have a lot of pain relief from narcotics, but they do a bang up job of shutting my gut down completely. Constipation from hell. 5 days after surgery, I was in the er 3 times in 12 hrs for hemorroids, before being admitted to the hospital for a second surgery to have them removed. this was waaay more painful than the hysterectomy, and I continue to have a lot of pain and discomfort.
3: by the time I'm recovered enough from surgery 2 to think about returning to work, it's become apparent that the hormone crash from surgical menopause is causing me crippling fatigue and depression. I end up off of work for 5 1/2 weeks, only 2 of which are covered by PTO. so now, I'm still in pain in my ass from surgical sites that still haven't closed, I'm an emotional wreck, I'm exhausted, and I'm supposed to be returning to working for a bitch of a boss tomorrow.
4: meanwhile, while recovering from surgeries 1 and 2, I meet with my Dr again, and I'm told that the prednisone I'm taking for my asthma is an issue if I want a bypass (I've been tapering off of it sloooowly, but I could have pushed it up if I'd known sooner that I needed to be off it for an extended period prior to surgery, rather than just "off it"). so I finish tapering off as quickly as possible, which adds to the emotional hot mess I'm already experiencing. but I can deal with this to get to my goal. eyes on the prizero and all that.
5: and then, today, I finally meet with the surgeon and I'm told that bypass isn't an option because of another med that I can't stop taking. a med that I've been on for years, and which was clearly listed on my meds list in the initial appointment months ago. oh, and by the way, since all he'll do is the sleeve, I can take nsaids in the future if needed. after my brain stops glitch ing, I point blank ask him if I needed to have the hysterectomy NOW, and I get a "Dodge the question" answer. which seems to indicate that no, I didnt??????
6: so here I am, at 230 in the morning, after 3 sobbing jags, pissed off and mourning what now looks like an unnecessarily early loss of my fertility, compounded by financial stress (still have lots more unpaid time off work to come after the gastric surgery, while the bills keep coming in), work stress and a boss irritated by my absence, hormonal crashes, bipolar disorder thats ramping back up to the worst it's been in a decade, and exhaustion.
I feel ANGRY. really really angry, and betrayed (logical or not) by a dr/team that should have sorted this shit out BEFORE I had a major, unalterable, fertility ending, highly stressful surgery. and there's not a damn thing I can do about it at this point.

I don't really know what to say and I know I don't know you, but this has me [emoji26] and I really wish I could hug you!! [emoji8][emoji8]

[VSG4Mag 106]

Wow! I think the title is spot on.

so sorry for all of this! You are not wrong for being upset. They really seem to have dropped the ball.

I know that it's not what you wanted, but I had VSG last Thursday and went back to work Sunday. Granted I only lasted a few hours, but it wasn't horrible. If I wasn't stuck in a uniform I would have lasted- with some yoga pants I'm officially back tomorrow, 1 week post surgery and I think I'll be fine I have to remind myself to take it easy sometimes with bending a lifting, but I am amazed at how each day I feel better then the next

and so many people have been successful with VSG

sending you virtual hugs. This really sounds awful and you are right to feel so let down.