Excited, Sad, what next?

[kell911 62]

I have been working on getting this surgery for a while now. I first wanted to do it in Mexico husband talked me out of that and that was about 1.5 years ago. I now have insurance that covers it at 100% with just co copays. I have aid about $600 and that is it. AWESOME! RIGHT?! My surgery is Monday the 6th. So EXCITED but yet very sad because my marriage my friendship with my husband is in the crappers..My heart is Sad and feels like no matter how hard I try it won't get better. I just want to be happy that I am doing this and life will be better. Or that is what I am telling myself. He will be there the day of surgery which i am glad about. I want him there. I am just wanting this time to be joyful and this experience to be one of the highlights of my life.

[ryan_86 335]

Your husband might be scared for your health and fearful that weight loss will change your relationship. You may try to talk to him and reassure him.


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[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

My significant other was very hesitant when I told him what I would be doing. He at first freaked out but we ended up talking about it and I showed him some animated videos. He has calmed down though he is still worried but he knows how important this is to me. He also sees it as me shading those pounds so I can be able to do more activities with him.

Your husband may just be worried and don't know how to explain it. Try talking to him and really listening to how he feels. Don't become defensive if you don't like what he says. He just needs to get those fears off of his chest. This may help you two come closer together.

[newlife9-27 37]

I didn't tell my husband or my family that I was having surgery until 2 weeks before. I did not want any opinions or negativity. It was my decision for my body. We were told in one of the pre surgery classes the less people you tell the better off you are. Everyone will not be happy for you especially if they are overweight. Some will say "you took the easy way out". Ha! This is not easy.

Now my husband is so happy with his "new" wife and my kids are so proud of their "new" mother. I am having sooo much fun shopping for smaller younger looking clothes. This surgery is the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Prayers for you that once your surgery is over your relationship with your husband will improve. He maybe afraid or just feeling insecure.

Hang in there.


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[Nikita 0]

I understand we're you are coming from, my husband i didn't want me to get the surgery. I believe he thinks I'm gonna lose a lot of weight and start acting different. I told him of course im going to change, my whole life is changing for the better. My husband is a hater.

[newlife9-27 37]

You will act different but only in the best way.

You will be so happy with yourself and the results. Haters are going to hate no matter what. I
He is probably feeling insecure but please don't let him deter you for your mission. You owe it to yourself.


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[Ris26 11]

I agree with newlife9-27. The people that I know that had relationship issues post surgery were due to feeling better and wanting to be more active. Meaning going out, experiencing and living life rather than sitting at home like before. My personal relationship failure post surgery is because I began to get my confidence and self worth back. I realized how shitty I was being treated and knew o did not deserve that, so I began taking up for myself and speaking my mind. And he did not like it. He was my high school sweetheart so I was much thinner very headstrong and independent when we met, and had gained over 100 pounds over the years. He made me feel horrible about myself and even told me I had to lose weight before we could set a wedding date. WHO does that?!? I let him control me for years because I "loved" him and was afraid I'd be alone if he left me, so I took all the verbal and emotional abuse. Once the weight started coming off I began feeling more and more like that confident headstrong independent girl again. I was finally myself and put my foot down refusing to be treated less than what I deserved! A person that truly loves you will not just support you through your journey, but walk with you!

[MBird 298]

I think when our self esteem is low we can often times choose partners who do not have our best interest at heart. Maybe we feel we won't do better. Maybe we had a string of abusive relationships, so we don't know what a positive supportive relationship looks like. Maybe we grew up being told we are crud, so choose partners who echo those negative ideas about ourselves.

When we make a choice to take control, we empower ourselves. We decide to draw the line, place the boundaries, make positive choices for ourselves that extend to lifestyle and relationships.

Sometimes the people we chose when we were not at our best, become angry. We chose them when we were not at our best, so they most likely are not at their best either. Nothing feels worse than to see the person who was so tethered to misery with them, move forward in a positive direction without them.

But, the most important thing to know for ourselves, is we cannot control anybody else's view of our choices. We cannot control their choices or lack of. At the end of the day, we leave it to God or a higher power, or we trust our own inner strength.

We only have control over our own lives.

Sometimes a partner may be supportive but afraid due to ignorance. We always know deep in our hearts what the solution is, sometimes the answer isn't what we would like to hear. Sometimes the solution a simple conversation with our partner. Deep down we know the outcome either way.

Still, to be at peace, to feel empowered, to know our self worth, we have to do best by our self.

I wish you peace and courage on your journey. I believe you will do what you know in your heart is the best thing for you.