What to tell people?

[AstroGuy 54]

I'm thinking about bypass surgery but one thing I am concerned with is what to tell people. I am probably a typical male, I don't want to tell anyone. I don't even want to tell my 22-year-old kids. My wife has convinced me to tell them (and the rest of my family) but honestly, I don't want to discuss it with other friends or co-workers. Last year I lost 65 lbs (gained half back) and from that experience, people are really nosey. "Tell me what you are doing", "Are you OK", "Are you sick"? I mean seriously if I was sick like that do you think I would want talk about it?

How do others handle that? Some people are right up front which is fine. How do those of you that are a little more reserved handle questions?

Ed

[Vironica 10]

Tell them you want to be HEALTHY! You are excited and feel at this time in your life, this is what you are doing. Tell them you have done alot of research (hope you have) and now you need their support and love. Be positive. Good luck

[NWJill 119]

My immediate family knows and just a few friends but my coworkers don't know and I don't do things like post on Facebook about it. My coworkers know I am cutting carbs, seeing a nutritionist and working out, but I don't share the surgery part. This is my journey and I wouldn't lie if someone asked me directly but I don't need opinions about any of it. The only people that matter to me in that are those who are closest to me. My sister told a few people I wish she would not have and now they tell me stories about all of the people they know who failed with surgery or they comment about what they think about what I do and do not eat, so I minimize who I listen to in these cases

[Moon Princess 55]

I feel you about your sister telling people . My sister and I used to work together, then I transitioned into another job. I'm still friendly with a lot of my previous coworkers and she went to town telling everyone! I was so frustrated, especially since the people I've told are sworn to secrecy. I've told 6 people, 6! So far my mom has admitted to me she told 1 person and my sister hasn't been shy discussing it. Only 3 people at work know, and they're incredibly trust worthy, I'm very fortunate they haven't said anything.

Honestly though, I'm 3 month post op and nearly 40lbs down, no one has really noticed? I think it's because my coworkers and I see each other every day, so it's not like suddenly I'm a brand new person. 1 person has asked what I'm doing, I just say low carb and strict Portion Control (which is the truth).

[clevergirl 41]

don't let anyone bully you into telling people you don't want to. My mom "convinced" me to tell my sisters and I've regretted it ever since.


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[AstroGuy 54]

Thanks all. I have pretty sure that I will go with the working on my portion and exercise.

[QuilterGal 216]

I told only my immediate family (mom, dad, brother), my boss (who had to sign off on my leave), and my office suite mate who would have to cover for me for three weeks. All were very supportive. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone else.

[achappex3 346]

Tell them to mind their own business.

Just kidding (maybe).

But all jokes aside this is YOUR journey. If you don't feel like telling anybody, which I haven't told very many currently, tell them that you are on the road to being a healthier you. I have decided that I will tell people (if they asks what I am doing) that I have started on a Protein based meal plan (not a lie) and have began working out more (also not a lie.)

That is one of the issues I think this society has today. Too many people are worried about what everybody else is doing, and not focused on the mess they may have made. If you don't feel comfortable letting people know what you are doing, don't let people know. You are a grown up! You know what you are doing.

The only people that know in my life are:

-my family (those who I am close too)

-my daughters preschool because I will need help getting them in and out of the car.

-and 2 trusted friends.

other than that... It is my business.

[B.Annie 290]

Nope. Im not telling anyone except for my husband and he respects that. I have zero interest in explaining a backstory+current situation+education of the process+ reasonings, etc to 50 people. Im happier not sharing this particular life event because now im not bothered by those too many personal questions. Might sound mean to some. After a very interesting and open book life, ive found sanity in keeping something to myself.

HW 327 SW___ CW 312

[amag17 10]

I am currently in the pre-op stage (June 28th!!!) and am trying to figure out if and who I want to tell. I think the hardest part was telling my husband I even wanted this. I will tell my closest friend and probably MIL but I can't imagine telling many more people.

You have to do what you want to do and if you're not comfortable telling everyone then don't. In my experience people like to gossip. At my last job someone found out that another employee had gastric bypass surgery many, many years prior and felt the need to tell everyone. It wasn't relevant and I didn't like even hearing the gossip. I wouldn't even consider surgery for the longest time because of that. Luckily I'm in a new position and even though there isn't as much gossip I still plan to keep it to myself.

Good luck!

[neon07734 36]

On 3/1/2017 at 9:13 PM, B.Annie said:

Nope. Im not telling anyone except for my husband and he respects that. I have zero interest in explaining a backstory+current situation+education of the process+ reasonings, etc to 50 people. Im happier not sharing this particular life event because now im not bothered by those too many personal questions. Might sound mean to some. After a very interesting and open book life, ive found sanity in keeping something to myself.

HW 327 SW___ CW 312

I have to agree with you totally. I have told my husband, my adult daughter and two girlfriends and my sister. I had no desire to tell my mother since I know from experience that she can't keep a secret. I really don't want to be bothered with the questions but mostly I don't want to deal with the judgement. People can be ridiculous and I'm not interested in the drama. Luckily (ha ha) this will also be my 2nd hyatel (sp) hernia surgery too, so I've told people that is the reason for the surgery and hospital stay.

I lost 75 pounds on my own over a 18 months, with diet an exercise. It was the best I ever felt. Then I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. This disease attacks my muscles and I've between that and the 3 years of prednisone I've gained half of that back. Once I recover I plan to pick up walking again, for as long as my muscles can hang. I have given up soda's and this was a big contributor to my prior weight loss. So like others have commented, I'm going to politely say, I've given up sodas and cut my sugar intake and I drink all my Water and walk more. I don't think I'll have any problems with people believing me and frankly I don't care.

[B.Annie 290]

I have to agree with you totally. I have told my husband, my adult daughter and two girlfriends and my sister. I had no desire to tell my mother since I know from experience that she can't keep a secret. I really don't want to be bothered with the questions but mostly I don't want to deal with the judgement. People can be ridiculous and I'm not interested in the drama. Luckily (ha ha) this will also be my 2nd hyatel (sp) hernia surgery too, so I've told people that is the reason for the surgery and hospital stay.
I lost 75 pounds on my own over a 18 months, with diet an exercise. It was the best I ever felt. Then I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. This disease attacks my muscles and I've between that and the 3 years of prednisone I've gained half of that back. Once I recover I plan to pick up walking again, for as long as my muscles can hang. I have given up soda's and this was a big contributor to my prior weight loss. So like others have commented, I'm going to politely say, I've given up sodas and cut my sugar intake and I drink all my Water and walk more. I don't think I'll have any problems with people believing me and frankly I don't care.

Exactly. This is a perfect example of why telling people who ask how we've lost weight that we have changed our eating habits isn't a big deal nor a lie. I've noticed so many people against not telling every detail when someone asks because they feel it's dishonest. They say 'you can't lose that amount of weight on your own and it's deceiving to say otherwise'. Well, so far in 73 days since being referred to my WLS consultation, I've lost 40 pounds on my own. Prior to my third pregnancy, I had lost 70 pounds on my own. It is possible. I'm just older, larger than ever before now, have many more co morbities and simply tired of the battle without having a tool to help.


HW: 328 (02/22/17)
SW: TBD
CW: 288

Pounds disowned to date: 40

[Mississippi Lady 1]

I hope to have mine soon getting ready for this I can't wait.

[jrmoseley 101]

I didn't tell a lot of people about my hysterectomy either, and there was nothing dishonest about that. There are some things in life that can remain private, thank you very much, and my body is one of them. I think we live in a TMI culture and we've gotten so used to being an open book, that we feel guilty about closing those pages now and then!

Because I have a lot of friends and coworkers who care about me and through close contact know something about my current health obstacles (due to Barrett's Esophagus I have a chronic cough that I've had to reassure folks is not contagious) all I'm telling them is that I'm having surgery to help fix the problem. That reassures them that I'm not at death's door, but it keeps the details to me and my husband. And truthfully, if it weren't for the Barrett's and a large Hiatal hernia, I probably wouldn't be having this surgery. My primary motivator is to improve my health and not be physically miserable all the time.

We don't owe anyone else the details of our private lives. I always used to tell my kids when they were little that not every thought in one's head needs to come out of one's mouth. That applies in all kinds of situations.

[newlife9-27 37]

In our pre surgery classes we were told if people asked was " I am eating healthier and exercising more". That way you don't open yourself up to everyone's opinions and stories about other people and how they failed. It is less stressful this way. Good luck.