help, am i doing the right thing?

[bv33 1]

I am 8 days away from sleeve surgery. and my friend said to me i bet you are really excited....made me realize, that no, i am nothing but excited. i am arguing myself out of it. 1. i love my thick full naturally curly bouncy hair. i get compliments all the time on what great hair i have. i dont want to lose my hair. 2. i carry my weight only in my stomach and breasts, i have small wrists, ankles, legs and neck, i carry almost no excess weight in my butt. i am 49 and my skin is firm and i have almost zero wrinkles anywhere on my body. i do not want excess hanging skin!! do i really think that would be a better look in a bathing suit than some chubb? 3. i have already lost 65 lbs on my own and why cant i continue and lose another 33 lbs to reach my bmi needed to have breast reduction surgery, which is my WHOLE reason for wanting to lose weight?? 4. would i rather have full firm large breasts the rest of my life, or sagging wrinkled hanging breasts in the event my ins wouldnt pay for the reduction after wls????? and finally....why am i not a good enough person as i am? i am a good friend, i am a good partner to my mate, i am a good mom, i am funny, i love to walk and exercise, i dont binge or gorge myself. i feel more like a failure and more depressed since starting this pre op than i ever felt as an overweight woman.

[Vinasu 621]

Then don't do it. You need to want to do this. If you aren't doing it for the right reasons, you'll set yourself up to fail.

I'm not being snarky. I'm thrilled with my surgery and would do it again. But I think it's a mistake to do something this drastic when you're not sure.

[bv33 1]

thank you for your comment. i thought i knew why i was doing this, and up until this week i was happy about it, despite some warnings and misgivings from others, i have a friend right now in kidney failure who was supposed to have revision surgery but the leak wasnt caught in time and he is now on dialysis. i know most wls stories are ones of success and happy outcomes. some arent. i just have been feeling depressed thinking others see me as a failure because i am overweight, and if i choose not to have surgery they are also going to see me as a failure, so either way i am feeling bad about which decision i make.

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

It's your life. You will live and die by your choices. If you come here to be talked out of the surgery then you came to the wrong place.

[bv33 1]

No, I am not here to be talked into or out of anything. I feel my doubts are probably somewhat typical and just wondering if anyone else felt this level of depression and anxiety before surgery and if that subsided once they had surgery. I have been reading alot of posts about depression and how it is affected by surgery. If I am overthinking. I will make the decision for myself, my choices arent going to be based on anyone elses. I dont fear death, but I do fear not living. I guess I am just questioning how I am living now, as opposed to how I will be living then. My mind is in battle against itself.

[clc9 644]

Your hair will grow back. Fat is an excellent scaffold and holds your skin taut, so your wrinkles are masked. Carrying most of your weight in your stomach is much more dangerous than if you were pear shaped. You don't mention better health as a motivation at all. I find that concerning. It's okay if you're not ready. This is a hard road especially at the beginning. And if you don't have solid motivations, the first few months are going to get you down.

Your statement of not being good enough as you are shows you might not be doing it for the right reasons. You are good enough irrespective of your weight. But if you qualify for the surgery, you're obese class II with comorbidities or heavier. That doesn't make you a bad person or bad mom or lazy or a food binger. But it does make you a ticking timebomb for worse health concerns, lesser quality of life and early death. Maybe if you find some motivation in that, the surgery will make more sense. Looking better is just frosting on the cake.

[Airstream88 361]

If your self-esteem and self-worth are wrapped up in how you look then the appearance related results of this surgery (saggy skin, droopy boobs, etc) might make you feel worse. I had RNY last October because my knees and back were killing me and I was pre-diabetic with high blood pressure controlled by meds. It was either WLS or 2 knee replacements.

If I had been able to lose 60% of the weight on my own and only had 30% more to go I may have questioned my decision. The question you need to ask yourself is can you maintain your weight loss, not only to lose the 33 pounds you have left but to keep all of it off down the road. Most studies show that people who lose weight w/o surgery gain their weight back. I have a friend who is a kick-a$$ dieter - lost tons of weight and then over the next 2 years ended up gaining most of it back and has to start all over again. It has been proven our bodies fight us tooth and nail to put the weight back on.

All I can say is that I'm 54 and am so happy I had this surgery. 94 pounds total are gone and I'm no longer pre-diabetic and my knees and back thank me every day! Some saggy skin is a small price to pay for feeling 100% better. For years I had told myself there was no way I would have WLS surgery. Now I only wish I had this surgery sooner.

Edited February 27, 2017 by Airstream88

[Julie norton 2,850]

My takes if you can lose your weight and KEEP it off, then you would have done it and have no need for Wls.
You really need to want to change your patterns of behavior for life.
The surgery was my only way to go through life not fighting myself over food and weight .
Only you can decide your struggle daily... and if you can do that for YEARS.
Your hair will grow...I lost very little... my skin is forgiving... in my 50's. I'm not sure my knees and heart and lungs and.... could be healthy without 95 lbs gone forever 10 years ago!
Good luck on your decision!

[blizair09 3,250]

I lost 99 pounds (from 397 to 298) during my six-month, insurance-required diet program. I still had the surgery. I've lost almost 75 more pounds since then (surgery was September 28). I have lost and gained 100+ pounds numerous times in my life. The sleeve is a tool that will help me stop that cycle. It was the best thing that I have done for myself. The pre-op fear is a powerful emotion. I'd suggest thinking long and hard about how you want to proceed.

Good luck.

[joycey100 95]

If in doubt ur not ready for the journey ? Ur mind as got to be clear in what your goal is . And look at the big picture best to try and sort it now than when you av put more lbs on and older . = give u more life to injoy . Good luck only u no what to do ?

[hermione53 157]

Hi bartval30, It sounds like maybe you'd feel better if you put a pause on this whole surgery thing for a while, perhaps to give yourself a chance to see how much further you can go on your own. Kudos to you for losing as much as you have; that certainly shows a lot of tenacity and commitment on your part. Do you feel like you have a different relationship with food now? I lost 80 pounds preop and then with a lap band, but my fixation on food hadn't changed. Given that and lots of complications, I wound up gaining over 50 pounds back prior to my sleeve surgery.

I'm only ten weeks out from surgery, but I attest that this has completely changed my life. I sometimes still deal with head hunger, but I'd say it's decreased by about 80-90%, which has been a huge relief. I understand your worry about losing hair and losing your nice boobs. I'm not at the Hair loss stage yet and I worry about it a bit because my hair is thin, but my boobs are awful already (very big for my frame and droopy). I've needed a breast reduction for about 30 years, but I kept telling myself that I needed to reach XXX pounds first. I've started saving money and look forward to a breast reduction/ lifting/ reshaping and all that.

I particularly wanted to respond to your concerns about depression. I've been depressed since childhood (was then dysthymic) and have been on antidpressants for 25+ years. You name it, I've been on it without much in the way of great results. I was super depressed when I had the surgery (was actually on a medical leave because of it and the surgeon questioned if we should wait for a while because she said patients tend to become iritable afterwards). I convinced her that I was ready to go for it and I'm glad I did because we wound up cutting my antidepressants way back and after the first month I started feeling great. I feel like the surgery has reset my personality or something. I don't quite know how to explain it and I'm sure the fact that I'm exercising daily is helping a lot. 25 years of therapy has also helped make me ready for this, I think. I just wanted to let you know that I, myself, felt some moodiness at first, but after just a short while I'm feeling very optimistic and have great energy. Life is good.

Good luck in making this decision! Only you know what's best for you. :-)

[bv33 1]

I want to thank each person who commented, with some good advice and sharing their own stories. Someone mentioned that I didnt talk about better health as a reason for the surgery....to me, my better health result from wls would come in the form of losing enough to qualify for br surgery, that would help my physical health, ie, backpain, and my mental health to finally be rid of these large breasts that hold me back from feeling normal. The 65 pounds I lost, I did NOT lose during the six month pre-op. This weight was lost over a time frame in late 2012 and 2013. I have kept that weight off and not gained any back since then, but havent really lost anymore. I suffered a broken foot in 2013, and it wasnt operable, due to the location of the break, I was told screws would just make the foot hurt more when walking or standing. however it was a bad break and sidelined me from walking/running for a year. I had to wear a boot for six months and every night for 9 hours I had to wear a bone growth stimulator to try to heal the bone. It was during that time that I was diagnosed with severe Vitamin d definency, and malabsorption disorder. As I was put on very high doses of vit. d and it was not helping me. I was told this contributed to my lack of weight loss and high bp, as my body wsnt absorbing nutrients and my medications as it should. Once my foot was healed in late 2013, I was allowed to slowly go back to walking. I did not fall bck into bad eating habits. However, I found that in the time I was sidelined from walking and running, I slowed down. And it has taken me longer to recover. I still walk every day, and I do eat healthy. I learned over time good eating habits and aside from the occasional indulgence, (not binge), I do adhere to a healthy diet. I gave up soda in 2012, havent had once since then. I do not have diabetes. I do have high bp and pcos and adrenal gland disorder which in itself contriubtes to slow weight loss. But anyway, I do thank everyone for taking time to comment and give me some good advice.

[Berry78 4,261]

There is a relationship between vit D deficiency and obesity. Vit. D is fat soluble, and I think the adipose tissue tends to suck it up and hold it, keeping blood levels low.

Surgery would likely help your comorbidities and help you live a healthier life. But, only you can determine whether feeling good or looking good is more important for YOU.

I told my MIL about the surgery, and my projected weight loss might get me to 200lbs (I am 300lbs). I said I'd be happy with that.

She is currently 250lbs, and said flat out, that she wouldn't be happy with that! If you saw her, she is as apple shape as possible. 50lbs would be miraculous off her! But she is 75 and not a candidate for surgery, so a moot point.

My real point is everyone is different with their priorities. You do you!

[ready_forchange 39]

I had a breast reduction it was the best decision of my life. You can still get it done even if you loose the weight. I lost 95 pounds before having it done, but they didn't shrink at all in size. Even if yours do your insurance will still approve because if they are sagging too low it can causes kin infection s.

[bv33 1]

ready_forchange....thank you for your comments....i have been trying for about 10 years now to get approved for breast reduction surgery, like yourself, I lost a significant amount of weight, 73 lbs in total, and still my breasts never changed. i have heavy dense thick breasts, firm for a 50 year old woman, and suffer terrible back, and neck pain, yet the doctors will not approve me because all they look at is the bmi number and insurance companies argue it is a cosmetic procedure. unless and until my bmi reaches 34 will my insurance company even approve a referral and consult. now i could pay myself if i could afford that, I guess one could try to finance it and set it up on payments. but it buffles my mind that they will pay for wls surgery for someone who really would benefit from br surgery on its own. so for me, i made the decision to do the wls simply to lose this extra 33 lbs I need to reach to get to that bmi and every second of this process i have made it known to everyone why i was doing it, at no time did they ever suggest to send me to see the reconstructive surgeon to see if i could get approved without wls.