Never thought I'd regret it...but here I am

[BigUtahMan 207]

Great explanation rickm


Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Soyounique 35]

Thanks RICKM and BIGUTAHMAN.. Great advice! ?

[teacupnosaucer 445]

On 2017-02-20 at 2:07 PM, janedoe92 said:

Thanks everyone! Yeah I'm hoping I can get pass this complication and that it doesn't get work, but as for the alcohol i don't mind not drinking, but it seems like the friends I hung out with do mind, so I'm not invited to go certain places or to go out which I still enjoy doing, but just not drinking. Idk, it just sucks that they don't feel the need to hang out with me, when we could do other stuff too you know? Doesn't have to be going out.

Honestly it sounds like with this transition you might be finding new friends, too.

I'm still pre-op, but this happened to me after I got pregnant and had a baby. I was no longer available to go dancing all night or out for drunken karaoke etc. And it wasn't like I demanded to bring my kid everywhere (I was still happy to do a late night horror movie or a lunch out) but... people stopped inviting me. I tried reaching out for activities I *could* do, but after awhile I gave up on people who weren't willing to alter their plans whatsoever to be around me. That transition really sucked, especially on top of the first time mom transition. I imagine the weight loss transition + losing friends transition would also SERIOUSLY suck.

As for me, I go to a local WLS support group and have made friends with lots of girls my age from that group. We just went out for dinner and bowling last night and had a great time! Since we're all surgery sisters, nobody commented on what anyone else ate/didn't eat, nobody pressured anybody into eating/drinking anything they couldn't, and we had a great night out that was inclusive for all of us. A few of us are also considering joining dance lessons, too.

[janedoe92 260]

Honestly it sounds like with this transition you might be finding new friends, too.
I'm still pre-op, but this happened to me after I got pregnant and had a baby. I was no longer available to go dancing all night or out for drunken karaoke etc. And it wasn't like I demanded to bring my kid everywhere (I was still happy to do a late night horror movie or a lunch out) but... people stopped inviting me. I tried reaching out for activities I *could* do, but after awhile I gave up on people who weren't willing to alter their plans whatsoever to be around me. That transition really sucked, especially on top of the first time mom transition. I imagine the weight loss transition + losing friends transition would also SERIOUSLY suck.
As for me, I go to a local WLS support group and have made friends with lots of girls my age from that group. We just went out for dinner and bowling last night and had a great time! Since we're all surgery sisters, nobody commented on what anyone else ate/didn't eat, nobody pressured anybody into eating/drinking anything they couldn't, and we had a great night out that was inclusive for all of us. A few of us are also considering joining dance lessons, too.

I love this, I feel in the dark where I'm from because of surgery requirements I had to go 4 hours from where I live to get surgery, so I don't know of any support groups. I've tried to look for some, but the only ones that pop up are OA meetings but I didn't like that and I don't think it'd fit my life right now. Luckily I've told one of my close friends I had initially kept it from, and her and I have gotten closer:)

[Cape Crooner 589]

I don't think suggesting you "find new friends" is a very helpful suggestion at this time. You're still healing and that's a lousy time to add the pressure of having to find new friends.

I stopped drinking 2 months before my surgery because I wanted to be a model patient and I wanted to lose my excess weight as fast as possible.

As much as I was committed to the the journey, the first Friday night without social drinking was traumatic - so traumatic that I tried going to a hypnotist for help!

I'm not sure I was ever "under", but his suggestion really helped me and it might help you.

You need to think of all of this as a project with multiple phases that each take several months. Think about life in each phase and plan to deal with it as it comes. Know that the final phase is the "new you" thinner and healthier.

I actually dropped out of all socializing for 6 months. I found this easier than trying to explain to people why I suddenly stopped eating and drinking without revealing my WLS or lying.

I'm coming up on two years and I'm pretty much into my new normal. I have added some new friends and moved away from others. More importantly, I have emerged as a different person; one who is far more health oriented and with my new confidence, more interesting to others.

Let your imagination project the new you and chart that course. I do still drink (I knew I couldn't give it up, which is why choose a sleeve), but I drink differently now.

I do have many friends who don't drink and are still lots of fun. Think about what makes someone "fun" and project yourself becoming more like that person.

In terms of your current friends, parse them up and spend less time with those who only seem to want an eating/drinking coconspirator and more time with people who want more from life.

Above all means welcome new friendships that cross your path.

I think if you spend time envisioning you're future and charting the path that will get you there, you'll get there faster than you think!

[Louise Robinson 0]

Hope you're feeling better soon.

[Please 188]

@janedoe92 why don't you try to get into hiking or get a gym friend or walking friend. Its really hard when your friends aren't there anymore, but you can make better friends and like minded friends, to help you reach and maintain your goals.

[janedoe92 260]

I'm not sure if y'all read my last post, but I've since gotten closer to one of my good friends and she's very helpful and we actually go in hikes and do stuff together outside of drinking/partying. I was just in a dark place and for a 23 year old who is used to that kind of socializing it was hard to get used to. I'm still going to talk to someone because IMO no matter how prepared you feel about WLS nothing compares to the reality of it, and I just need some more guidance, and I feel counseling will help a lot with that. Thank you all for your input, it is greatly appreciated!

[teacupnosaucer 445]

I'm so glad you've found someone supportive of your journey who's making the effort to stay in your new life. <3 And I'm very much wishing you meet lots of other new friends! Maybe you and your friend could try some kind of group class etc that would get you both meeting new people so you can expand your healthy friend group.

[julasif 13]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough patch. I just wanted to comment on the drinking aspect. Make sure your friends know how you feel. We had a wonderful teammate who said she'd been sober 6 years and didn't drink. Everyone was afraid to be rude (or tempting) by asking her to happy hour. She took the initiative to let us know she wants to go so now we don't feel rude asking. And she truly is the life of the party!

[Chel1 104]

On 3/7/2017 at 11:51 AM, janedoe92 said:

I'm not sure if y'all read my last post, but I've since gotten closer to one of my good friends and she's very helpful and we actually go in hikes and do stuff together outside of drinking/partying. I was just in a dark place and for a 23 year old who is used to that kind of socializing it was hard to get used to. I'm still going to talk to someone because IMO no matter how prepared you feel about WLS nothing compares to the reality of it, and I just need some more guidance, and I feel counseling will help a lot with that. Thank you all for your input, it is greatly appreciated!

I'm glad you found someone to talk to. With every major change in our lives comes with major shifts in groups we hung out with. Whether its bariatric surgery, getting married, getting divorced, having a baby, going to school, or just simply maturing and growing up. Some people were not meant to be life timers. Some serve their purpose for certain seasons in our lives then go out of our lives to make space for the new ones coming in. We have to make peace with the fact that that's OK. It doesn't make them bad people it just means their time on our journey has expired.

I often tell others and had to learn myself as well to enjoy my own company. When we are able to love self and be at peace alone then our focus is on our purpose and fulfillment in life that's not gauged by the presence of someone else. Then we will become whole and be better friends, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, and parents...to others.

There is a whole world of athletes, health conscious individuals, fitness gurus, purpose minded people waiting to meet someone like you who is focused on her health and well-being. You may not know it now, but as you move forward your journey will encourage someone else to be and do better.

Good Luck

[JerseyJules 862]

It is tough because you really dont see how much of our social lives revolve around drinking and more so eating. I feel like I cant socialize just yet as Im only 2 weeks post op and not even on soft foods yet...

[janedoe92 260]

Yeah, I'm almost 2 months now so it definitely gets easier, but my first month was super rough, and my social life did die a little bit. However now that I'm getting used to the surgery and what I can and can't do I feel better and have been socializing more, still have some does where I feel sad (I'm guessing from the hormone dump), but no where near that first month.

[504chic 53]

Hellos,

i would be three months post op on the 21st. I'm in the same boot with you. My phones does not ring. Thank God for my Husband and my mother. I find myself vomiting everything I eat. I feel like I am better off not eating or drinking. I have to force myself to eat and drink. I wait about two hours before eating or drinking to avoid vomiting. I am an emotional wreck and at time I break out crying for no apparent reason. I am all over the place with my emotions.

[janedoe92 260]

Hellos,
i would be three months post op on the 21st. I'm in the same boot with you. My phones does not ring. Thank God for my Husband and my mother. I find myself vomiting everything I eat. I feel like I am better off not eating or drinking. I have to force myself to eat and drink. I wait about two hours before eating or drinking to avoid vomiting. I am an emotional wreck and at time I break out crying for no apparent reason. I am all over the place with my emotions.

Wow that's rough because you're having complications on top of that. I'm sorry, it's a roller coaster ride for sure. I have my good days and bad days, but I have to keep reminding myself why I did this in the first place. I hope you get better! Have you talk to your surgeon? Do they know what may be going on?