Has WLS affected your relationship with spouse/significant other?

[Darkstarwon 4]

Hi all....I've just joined this group and have so many questions. I've considered surgery for so long but have never gotten the courage to go thru with it. However, I'm to the point now I just feel I really need to do this for my health. Years ago I would have done it just to look better, but I'm not even so concerned about that as much anymore (in my 60's)..but I feel my health has deteriorated due to weight issues and I just feel like every day I'm getting closer to having the big one if I don't lose some weight soon (appr 110# overwt)...As a side note, my spouse is probably 125# overweight, so he could use the surgery as well, but would never consider it or even try to lose it any other way. That's a whole other topic! LOL

We eat out quite a lot, but I do cook as well, but not the healthiest. I'm very concerned about having the surgery and how it's going to affect our relationship. I am so afraid that I'm going to become depressed or even angry when we do eat, whether out or at home, watching him eat whatever while I sit and eat a 1/2 cup of food, and worse yet having to cook it knowing I can't eat it. I could see me not wanting to even eat out much anymore just because the foods I always loved I could no longer have and would be hard to sit and watch him eat.

I've mentioned to him about having the surgery and I know he'd prefer I didn't do it just because of how different I will be eating/cooking, but he's also said if I want to do it ...go for it, although sometimes I think he's just saying that because he thinks I'd never really go through with it because he knows how much i love food. I just feel like this is going to put such a strain on our marriage. Not to the point of divorce but just feeling more disconnected. We aren't involved in a lot and unfortunately eating out is pretty much all we do together. I feel like things are going to be so different once I have this surgery. In addition, our daughter will be moving out next month, which is going to be life changing for us as well. At least with her here I wouldn't feel so bad having to cook a big meal but to do it for just one person I feel would be hard to do.

I'm curious to know if WLS has affected your marriage or relationship with your spouse and if so how have you handled it.

[kokofamfour 42]

I can't speak for spouse part because he is tall and skinny ([emoji107]?) but I can speak to watching someone else eat. I have 4 kiddos. 14, 6, 2 & 2. I was super concerned about not only having to see them eat but being the one responsible for all meals while I could not eat (on liquids) or being restricted amount wise. I am two weeks post op- it doesn't bother me at all! My family has ordered pizza! They got Mexican (my fav) and I was ok. I wanted some of course but didn't feel deprived. I have made all my
Family
Meals and I have survived. You will too!

[FindingCarrie 244]

@"Darkstarwon", I am 5 weeks post-op, and I have not found it too difficult at all. My husband and I are 'foodies', and the first couple of weeks were a bit tougher because we like to go out to eat at least once a week. Once I was able to start eating chicken, that made it easy to go out. I can always find some kind of chicken no matter where we go. The only difference now is that I used to be able to eat the entire plate of food served, and now...I can eat about a quarter of it. It doesn't bother me at all. I just bring the rest home, and pack it for lunch. I have lunch for almost an entire week off of one meal out. It just goes to show how oversized our servings are in restaurants!

Also, cooking at home hasn't been too bad. I like to make meals in the crockpot, and I often double the recipe so that I can have lunches and dinners for several days. I even freeze a lot of it, to be eaten the following week. I also bought an air fryer, so that my husband feels like he is getting some fried food, but it is the healthy version.

Finally, as I have progressed in the food that I am able to eat, I did that there are so many options that we can both eat. If I make a shrimp dish with rice for him, then I just eat the shrimp with zucchini noodles, or baked carrots, or some healthy side that is not rice. It is easy to just make a different side for myself, and then he doesn't feel like his meals are changing too much. However, I find that he is starting to eat more like me, and losing weight with me.