Feeling kind of betrayed

[catcon1 2]

I would probably make him sit and eat the whole box in one sitting to see how sick it makes him. Worry about yourself and keep strong and get rid of the chocolates. Good Luck !!

[bluey 25]

If this was your first Valentine's together, I'd give him the benefit of a doubt. I'd probably offer them to him to take or tell him you'll be sharing them around at work as you CANNOT eat it without puking!

If the penny does not drop after that and he buys you chocs again, then I'm sorry but he might not be the one for you. At least that would be me - I expect a minimum amount of brain power and empathy from a partner.

[hermione53 157]

Many years ago, when I was 18, I was in an inpatient eating disorder program in a hospital. My problem was straight compulsive overeating, not bulimia. My father, who has been very critical of my weight/ body since I was nine years old, visited one weekend and suggested that we go to the hospital cafeteria. I thought that was to get coffee, but no, he offered me chocolate pie. I thought this was my fault or something, but when I told hospital staff about it later they were outraged. The lesson I learned from it is that even someone who supports you one day may try to sabotage you the next and there's no knowing what really motivates them. Does my dad actually want me to be fat? Does it serve some purpose for him? Who knows?

From your stats it looks like you've done amazing work to get where you are. I say follow the instincts that got you this far and maybe look at your relationship dynamics a little bit. I'm sorry that he didn't just buy you some pretty flowers.

[Karazona 9]

Maybe he couldn't think of anything better to get you or found himself in a last minute rut. For food centered holidays like Valentine's Day and very soon Easter (if celebrated), I'd make him a list of very much treasured food products like Torani syrups, your favorite Protein powder, your favorite Water Enhancer, etc. Tell him you know that he loves you and would like to get you some sweet treats during these holidays, but you'd hate to have to get rid of another box of chocolates because you can't have them. Make this the last time you spell it out for him unless in the future he wants an updated list or can't remember the name of one of your specialty products, which shows he's at least trying.

Just remember that a person who's not able to understand your lifestyle needs regardless of what it applies to (health, job, religious, etc), should not be somebody you allow in your everyday life, never mind on a more personal level.

These are just my opinions. Take em' or leave em', just know that you'll have my support no matter what

[2-Liter 364]

Have you heard the phrase "Like A Deer In The Headlights" that explains most of us Cavemen style Men. We know Valentines is coming but we put it off so at the last minute we run into our local Grocery after our buddies have reminded us at work that we BETTER take something home. I would throw them away I know it sounds wasteful but the feeling that you get from cutting the strings that tie you to chocolate will be Liberating. You could give them to friends but do you really want to add to someone else food Addiction. To All the Women Out There it is time to start asking for EXACTLY what you want from us here are the unofficial rules.

1) 2 weeks before a Holiday write a list of things you would like as a gift (give us 3 options so we feel like we made the choice)

2) One week tell us where we might find said items!!!

3) The day before remind us what you want (Doing this while you're Naked Surely Helps Us remember)

4) Day of Praise us for getting you Exactly what you wanted (This makes us think it was our own Idea)

Now that I have gave you one of the Many Mysteries about how men's minds work Go Forth and enjoy your Holidays!!!

Edited February 20, 2017 by 2-Liter

[ChaosUnlimited 559]

1 hour ago, 2-Liter said:

Have you heard the phrase "Like A Deer In The Headlights" that explains most of us Cavemen style Men. We know Valentines is coming but we put it off so at the last minute we run into our local Grocery after our buddies have reminded us at work that we BETTER take something home. I would throw them away I know it sounds wasteful but the feeling that you get from cutting the strings that tie you to chocolate will be Liberating. You could give them to friends but do you really want to add to someone else food Addiction. To All the Women Out There it is time to start asking for EXACTLY what you want from us here are the unofficial rules.

1) 2 weeks before a Holiday write a list of things you would like as a gift (give us 3 options so we feel like we made the choice)

2) One week tell us where we might find said items!!!

3) The day before remind us what you want (Doing this while you're Naked Surely Helps Us remember)

4) Day of Praise us for getting you Exactly what you wanted (This makes us think it was our own Idea)

Now that I have gave you one of the Many Mysteries about how men's minds work Go Forth and enjoy your Holidays!!!

This made me laugh, thanks for the mans perspective!

@elliekay Sorry you were so disappointed on Valentines Day. Going by your post, it sounds like there may be more issues than just the chocolates. You went all out for him, planning and buying gifts, and he didn't put much thought into it for you. You said that wasn't the point, but you mentioned it, so it is bothering you. Really think about why you are holding on to these chocolates to spare his feelings instead of taking the opportunity to let him know this is not an acceptable/healthful gift for you. What is worrying you about being honest with him? Also, this sets you up for more gifts like this in the future because if you accepted it for Valentines Day and seemed ok with it, why not do it again?

You are worthy of being with someone who respects you, loves you, and makes you feel special. Be honest with him and give him the opportunity to be that person, but don't accept any less.

[Dr-Patient 830]

On Saturday, February 18, 2017 at 9:34 PM, erikshappywife said:

Some men can just be so oblivious...they dont mean to be, they just are. It doesnt mean they dont care, they just dont think....

I am so blessed to have a man who is attentive and who waits on me hand and foot since ive been so ill...he is amazing...it only took me 3 marriages to find my Mr. Right...

I hope your man starts paying more attention to detail or that you find a man who does

Uh...does he have a brother? I love men, but they are too often such "*ick'heads." They are often oblivious and non-thinking. Very frustrating. But glad you found a keeper!! :-) And I still believe!!!! But it's getting harder with each passing decade. LOL.

[erikshappywife 20]

Sorry, no brothers...keep looking, you will find your Mr. Right ?

[BayougirlMrsS 3,935]

if your still with him for his birthday.... buy your self something and when he says... Why did you buy me that, you know i can't use it..... Say, kinda like chocolets for me.... Hmmmmm

or save the candy and give it back to him next Vday.

this year was one of the best v-days i've ever had. Danny sent me not one but two bouquets of flowers.... and Tim, well he sent me one bouquet, took me for mani and pedi, bought me a beautiful Flur de les pendent, took me to my favorite restaurant .... and then wellll..... i'll stop there.

it's what happens when you tell one guy about the other... lol

[Soyounique 35]

7 hours ago, bayougirlmrsc said:

if your still with him for his birthday.... buy your self something and when he says... Why did you buy me that, you know i can't use it..... Say, kinda like chocolets for me.... Hmmmmm

or save the candy and give it back to him next Vday.

this year was one of the best v-days i've ever had. Danny sent me not one but two bouquets of flowers.... and Tim, well he sent me one bouquet, took me for mani and pedi, bought me a beautiful Flur de les pendent, took me to my favorite restaurant .... and then wellll..... i'll stop there.

it's what happens when you tell one guy about the other... lol

Stop being greedy! Give me one of those!! ?

[bekah7482 79]

Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, I'm not sure exactly where it would go
So with Valentines day being earlier this week, I had reminded my boyfriend the week before that I couldn't eat chocolate, which he should know regardless because it's something I've told him plenty of times--he doesn't know all the details of my surgery but he knows it affected how I eat, and I've complained to him a million times about how sick chocolate makes me now, and also he knows I watch what I eat like a hawk, so you'd think he'd know better...
His "big valentines present" for me was a giant box of chocolates. Like 30-something pieces of chocolate that I can't eat. (also I planned literally the entire evening and bought him like $50 worth of presents but thats not the point lol)
Idk what to do. I've spent the last few days feeling really shitty about it, like it almost feels like a personal attack even though I know it's just him being oblivious. When he gave it to me I was just kind of like "Oh... thanks....!" and then later in the evening brought up how it felt like he didn't listen to me and he went "yeah, that was stupid of me" but otherwise it hasn't come up and I've just had this box of chocolates sitting in my room because I can't eat them but also feel bad giving it away--especially since he's been here in the mornings so he would see if I brought it to work with me I was just gonna let it sit in here but chocolate is a total trigger food for me and last night I opened it, ate 2 of them, and ended up puking sooooo... it needs to go.
Anyways idk I guess I'm just wondering how you guys handle situations like this. I feel betrayed but also feel like that's a way overreaction over a box of chocolates on a holiday meant for chocolate. I'm not sure if I should bring it up again or just trash it or take it to work even if he sees me doing it or what.

I think you already know what to do about the chocolates. Now to address the boyfriend. Without knowing all the detail (how long post op, how long have you been together, we're you together when you had surgery etc) I would suggest that you start showing him all the details that go along with you surgery. Do you go to a WLS support group? I took my boyfriend to mine and I think he was better able to understand because he saw that when I said I couldn't have something it wasn't because I didn't want it but because I actually can't have it. It's more of an eye opening experience to be talking to people who are years out. I think he gets a better understanding of not only my limitations but of my emotions and that this is normal for a WLS patient.

[Snowfoot 3]

My best friend is the same way. She constantly tried to get me to eat the wrong things pre-op. She seemed to be trying to sabotage me. I asked her to go to a support group with me. She listened to the pre and post op people throughout the meeting. They had wonderful insights about the journey. I asked them about what she was doing. They were very helpful in explaining to her what was happening to me and why offering me food and telling me I hadn't eaten enough was hurting me. She finally "woke up" that surgery is my choice and whatever comes with it. If your man won't listen to you maybe a group of people at a support group will open up his ears.

Be strong. Put that box of candy in a place you won't have to deal with them until next February and then regift it back to him from your skinny self...

[QuilterGal 216]

If he doesn't want to eat them at his house (insist they are removed from your house), I'd toss them. If he asks why, tell him that they make you very, very sick, as does all sugary and high-fat foods.

[sweetpea51 3]

You need to have a serious sit down with your boyfriend - he needs to know that giving you chocolates or anything else you can't eat sabotages the hard work you're doing to stay on track with your weight loss. Get the candy he gave you out of the house - I would be pretty upset if my husband did this. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know not to give candy to a person who is trying to lose weight. Tell your boyfriend he needs to work with you and support you on your road to weight loss.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,935]

On 2/24/2017 at 10:49 PM, Soyounique said:

Stop being greedy! Give me one of those!! ?

tell me what kind of guy your looking for....hehe

Had dinner with Danny from Fl. last night and he gave me diamond earrings...

http://www.zales.com/princess-cut-diamond-frame-stud-earrings-10k-white-gold/product.jsp?productId=20843586

This is all new to me... as my soon to be ex Never bought me anything or supported me in anyway.