No support at home

[Neonicus021 5]

I've started my WLS journey, and no one in my home supports my decision. It's made me quite nervous about it all, and all I've managed to do lately is freak myself out over it. They keep trying to force me to eat foods I shouldn't/can't eat (either for my diet or something I'm allergic too). I don't know how to handle it and make them understand what I'm going through. Anyone have any advice?

[NWJill 119]

Have you asked them why they are forcing you to make poor choices? Sometimes I think people sabotage with realizing they are doing it. Usually it is when they are unhappy or out of control of their own eating or they want to express concern about a choice without wanting to come out and say that. Is this like parents or partner/Kids? I ask because this can change the dynamic of how to approach.

[sleevinpops 303]

Can you share a bit more about how they are not supporting? I know you said they are try to force you to eat things you shouldn't (that's your decision ultimately) , but what is their reasoning? They just may be worried more about risks than rewards.

When I first started my journey, none of my mamilla, friends even co workers were happy about it. They all gave the reason, "it's too drastic, it's too dangerous, you can do it by exercising more and just don't eat so much ( brilliant! Like I never thought or tried that.

I'm gonna be 50 soon, have struggled for years with my weight, lose 10 gain 15-20. High blood pressure, cholesterol, smoker, Apnia and diabetes. So I started to rebuke their claims by pointing out if I didn't do something I would probably be dead in a few years anyway, this was not an easy decision but it was mine to make not theirs.

Over the past year, going through the process, I am now smoke free, and 50 lbs. already, told I will probably be off my cholesterol, blood pressure and insulin later this year, as well as the CPP! It was not overnight, and through the process they saw my commitment to the lifestyle change for the better and slowly turned their negativity to now being my biggest supporters.

[Vinasu 621]

Really? They try to make you ready stuff you're allergic to? They aren't just unsupportive, they're abusive.

Tell us more about your situation to get better advice, but you need to call them out on this.

[Neonicus021 5]

Im in my mid 25 going on 26 soon, and I've been well within proper weight for most of my life. I didnt start gaining weight until I was injured nearly ten years ago in a fall on ice. Afyer that i mantained a "slighlty over weight" weight until i started birth control, which, the last product i was on made me gain 150lbs in 3 months while i wasnt hungry and therefore not eating- unlike 90% of my family whom werr just overweight from poor choices (most of my 7 siblings have different fathers and I took after my very tall, very thin father).

Last year I had to move back home (after a rather unfortunate series of events) with my mother, 2 brothers and one of my brothers baby mama and 3 kids. Since I've made the decision to get WLS they've done things such as openly voice that it's stupid and I don't need it, and berate me for my diet and generally make me feel like I shouldn't, and CAN'T, do it. Intentionally take up all freezer (both of them) and fridge space so that I have nowhere to keep my food, order takeout most nights of the week so there's no food cooked and since I don't have any food (except cans of tuna and Miso soup) there's no food to cook.

On the off chance that they cook, they constantly cook mushrooms (allergic) on the same pans they're going to cook everything else on (even if they plan to keep them separate from the food). The steam from cooked mushroom make me break out in hives, really, really badly. Ingesting them can send me into mild anaphylactic shock, and I've gotten very good at knowing the signs the second one hits my tongue. They literally do not care. They've said to me, multiple times, "I put mushrooms in things you eat all the time and you never have a problem." Mind you, I can tell by smell and a first small bite while being relatively safe if there are, and I throw the food away.

I've been eating once a day, and it's mainly store bought lunch while I'm at work. They've even started getting their 3 year old to mock my diet, or the 1.5 year old to hand me his very unhealthy Snacks.

I also have damage to my leg from my accident, and now damage to my foot after breaking it- I can not longer move 3 of my toes on that foot and only the big toe wiggles a bit. Even though I've explained to them that with all this excess weight it exacerbating the pain, they don't seem care nor understand.

My only option is to move back out, which I fiscally cannot afford to do at the moment. I'm in an insane amount of debt thanks to my ex, I don't make enough money to rent an apartment on my own, and the apartments I can afford are either disgusting, or they're nice but the landlord is a creep/bigot/racist etc.

I have 2 friends who support my decision fully, one of which actively goes to support meetings with me. A third friend is coming around to it, and understands that my ability to walk is important, and has started to adjust our friend dynamics according - such as instead of going out to eat and shop, going for a long walk and stopping by healthy or vegan cafes for a small meal and some tea.

I just don't know how else to make my family understand and get the support I need in my home.

Having said that, my brother finally understands the mushroom thing, as this morning he was making an omelet and I place a mushroom directly on my arm. He was horrified to see how badly I broke out everwhere, and has said he'd stop cooking them on the same pans and follow a more allergen aware cooking style.

[achappex3 346]

Im in my mid 25 going on 26 soon, and I've been well within proper weight for most of my life. I didnt start gaining weight until I was injured nearly ten years ago in a fall on ice. Afyer that i mantained a "slighlty over weight" weight until i started birth control, which, the last product i was on made me gain 150lbs in 3 months while i wasnt hungry and therefore not eating- unlike 90% of my family whom werr just overweight from poor choices (most of my 7 siblings have different fathers and I took after my very tall, very thin father).

Last year I had to move back home (after a rather unfortunate series of events) with my mother, 2 brothers and one of my brothers baby mama and 3 kids. Since I've made the decision to get WLS they've done things such as openly voice that it's stupid and I don't need it, and berate me for my diet and generally make me feel like I shouldn't, and CAN'T, do it. Intentionally take up all freezer (both of them) and fridge space so that I have nowhere to keep my food, order takeout most nights of the week so there's no food cooked and since I don't have any food (except cans of tuna and Miso soup) there's no food to cook.

On the off chance that they cook, they constantly cook mushrooms (allergic) on the same pans they're going to cook everything else on (even if they plan to keep them separate from the food). The steam from cooked mushroom make me break out in hives, really, really badly. Ingesting them can send me into mild anaphylactic shock, and I've gotten very good at knowing the signs the second one hits my tongue. They literally do not care. They've said to me, multiple times, "I put mushrooms in things you eat all the time and you never have a problem." Mind you, I can tell by smell and a first small bite while being relatively safe if there are, and I throw the food away.

I've been eating once a day, and it's mainly store bought lunch while I'm at work. They've even started getting their 3 year old to mock my diet, or the 1.5 year old to hand me his very unhealthy Snacks.

I also have damage to my leg from my accident, and now damage to my foot after breaking it- I can not longer move 3 of my toes on that foot and only the big toe wiggles a bit. Even though I've explained to them that with all this excess weight it exacerbating the pain, they don't seem care nor understand.

My only option is to move back out, which I fiscally cannot afford to do at the moment. I'm in an insane amount of debt thanks to my ex, I don't make enough money to rent an apartment on my own, and the apartments I can afford are either disgusting, or they're nice but the landlord is a creep/bigot/racist etc.

I have 2 friends who support my decision fully, one of which actively goes to support meetings with me. A third friend is coming around to it, and understands that my ability to walk is important, and has started to adjust our friend dynamics according - such as instead of going out to eat and shop, going for a long walk and stopping by healthy or vegan cafes for a small meal and some tea.

I just don't know how else to make my family understand and get the support I need in my home.

Having said that, my brother finally understands the mushroom thing, as this morning he was making an omelet and I place a mushroom directly on my arm. He was horrified to see how badly I broke out everwhere, and has said he'd stop cooking them on the same pans and follow a more allergen aware cooking style.

All I can say is "wow" I am so sorry that you're dealing with that and not having the support you need during this difficult transition period! But... here's the good news... YOU HAVE US! You can come here for support and now you have a ton of people on your side who are (or have been through) exactly what you are going through!

That being said, you said your friends are supportive? Is there anyway that you may be able to stay with them for a little while? It sounds like besides the fact that your family isn't supportive, there's an EXTREMELY full house in the first place.

I currently live with my mother, my brother, and my twin two year olds and boy it's hard enough living with them and they support me by not eating in front of me, or making sure that I have plenty of sugar free jello/popsicles to get my by if they do eat at home. And I'm just on my liquid preop diet. It's so funny because last night my mother was shocked to find me cooking dinner for my family even though I simply cannot eat it, little does she know, I'm trying out recipes that will be Bariatric friendly for me in the long run!

That being said, I'm glad and extremely happy for you for taking this step, and continuing to stand your ground with your family who is being everything but supportive. Huge, POSITIVE, things are coming your way regardless of the obstacles you are currently facing.

I am here if you ever want to talk, vent, scream, or just need another friend.

[Neonicus021 5]

All I can say is "wow" I am so sorry that you're dealing with that and not having the support you need during this difficult transition period! But... here's the good news... YOU HAVE US! You can come here for support and now you have a ton of people on your side who are (or have been through) exactly what you are going through!

That being said, you said your friends are supportive? Is there anyway that you may be able to stay with them for a little while? It sounds like besides the fact that your family isn't supportive, there's an EXTREMELY full house in the first place.

I currently live with my mother, my brother, and my twin two year olds and boy it's hard enough living with them and they support me by not eating in front of me, or making sure that I have plenty of sugar free jello/popsicles to get my by if they do eat at home. And I'm just on my liquid preop diet. It's so funny because last night my mother was shocked to find me cooking dinner for my family even though I simply cannot eat it, little does she know, I'm trying out recipes that will be Bariatric friendly for me in the long run!

That being said, I'm glad and extremely happy for you for taking this step, and continuing to stand your ground with your family who is being everything but supportive. Huge, POSITIVE, things are coming your way regardless of the obstacles you are currently facing.

I am here if you ever want to talk, vent, scream, or just need another friend.

I appericate your advice and help! My friends are in a tough spot right now, but we're looking for a place that we can share. So hopefully I'll be able to get out of there soon

Sent from my SM-N920T using BariatricPal mobile app

[kehl 9]

Honey, sadly families are the best and worst thing for us, you and only you are strong and dispute your environment you are sticking to your decision and managing, as hard as it is you should find empathy for there behaviour it's insecurity on there behalf, of course you can do this no one can say this to you and break you, ask the universe for the help you need for your goals and needs, I do it all the time and it strangely all comes together, your friends are who you need and bless them for there support, darling there is world of support for you, I feel you are going to achieve more than you can imagen, be empathetic and hope will be there.
Hugs x

[tasha_kelo 12]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through something similar I would love to connect with you and offer some support!

[Neonicus021 5]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through something similar I would love to connect with you and offer some support!

Please, feel free to privet message me!

[Neonicus021 5]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through something similar I would love to connect with you and offer some support!

Please, feel free to privet message me!

[allinforachange 25]

That may be scared for you and don't know how to express it. Are they willing to accompany you to an appointment with your surgeon or a local support group? Maybe that would help.

[NOVAMOM348 20]

I don't know you or your family but, from what you have said, they do not want what is best for you. You need to be around people who support you....not try to bring you down and make you fail. And as soon as you eat something you're not supposed to, they will be saying "told you you couldn't do it". You need to not have people like that in your life. I know it is family but that doesn't always mean they truly care about you. Misery loves company, honey. And I would be willing to bet they are overweight themselves and will act like you think you are better than everyone when you lose weight. They don't want you to succeed! Surround yourself with people who truly care. You need to get away from the reasons why you were an over eater in the first place. It's really sad to hear that you own family is acting this way. You have to make yourself happy and healthy!

[Neonicus021 5]

I've actually, finally, lucked out. The biggest offenders are moving out April 1st, which would leave my mother and youngest brother at home. My mother is coming around to understanding. She recently broke her knee cap and now understands the pain I'm in every day.

[allinforachange 25]

I've actually, finally, lucked out. The biggest offenders are moving out April 1st, which would leave my mother and youngest brother at home. My mother is coming around to understanding. She recently broke her knee cap and now understands the pain I'm in every day.

Checking up on you. How is the situation with your family? Hoping it's better!