Changing personality

[truckerswife 13]

My mom had wls and she went from being nice to a total monster. She was mean about my being overweight. Im afraid ill become mean and hurtful like she did. Has anybidy else become a person they werent before?

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[clc9 644]

That kind of criticism is often misdirected anger toward things the criticizer doesn't like in themselves. She sees her overweight self in you and likely never learned to love or like herself regardless of her size. Since she's no longer heavy that anger gets directed at you and others who are heavy, which is absolutely not fair.

In your mind imagine handing that criticism back to her saying, "Here, I think you meant to give this to yourself..."

The fact that you recognize what she's doing isn't kind and that you don't want to be like that tells me you're an empathetic person. I don't think you have anything to worry about!

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[Newme17 3,444]

clc9 said it all. You will be fine.

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[Hoping052017 97]

What they said! I haven't had the surgery yet, but when I told my best friend what I was planning on doing the first words out of her mouth was "please don't change!" When I asked her what she meant she told me about someone she knew that had wls that was so sweet and kind and caring before he lost 240+ pounds and is now a total jerk. So, I know that it happens but don't understand it. I really think @@clc9 is onto something though. Best of luck to you!

[LosinLiz82316 21]

I agree with what the previous poster said.

I have people who have said - don't get skinny and become a B. My response was jokingly - you mean more than I already am? I just let it roll off my back. I know I'm not changing!

[James Marusek 5,244]

As you lose weight, the chemicals and hormones that were stored in your fat cells are being released into your body. These will pass through your kidneys and are expelled in your urine. But they can generate a flush of hormones during the weight loss phase. They should simmer down once you transition into maintenance. It is important to meet your daily Fluid requirements, because it take fluids to flush these hormones from your system.

I did not experience any problems in this area but some people do. But it shouldn't continue forever.

[Riverswept 8]

I think your personality will somewhat change (becoming more confident) and you will have strange days with all those hormones surging around in your body( kind of like a pregnant woman thing) but you adjust. My fear is I will be mean in pain right after surgery which is tomorrow and I don't want to be snarky to my dear Momma who has come to take care of me until I get on my feet. You will be fine since you are aware it hurt you so much but quite frankly speaking the honest truth to your Mom will clear a few cobwebs out and open things up so ya'll can work on it.

[MowryRocks 679]

I'm not saying this is the same thing as what you are experiencing at all, but this is my experience. As I am losing weight there are a good many people who would say that I have changed for the worse because I no longer tolerate the way they treat me. I will not allow people to marginalize me or make me feel a certain kind of way because they have bad attitudes. I have mouth shut for many years about rude things that people have said to me or implied because I "didn't want to rock the boat". With those people...I have changed into a total monster.

With all the others, quite the opposite. I'm more outgoing. I've always been friendly, but I'm not as apprehensive about asking them about their lives and experiences. I'm less shy and I am always up for a fun time.

I am different, but I like this different.

[Jackson53 35]

I find those kinds of comments "I'm afraid you will change" to be a bit insulting and frustrating. My mother said that and went on to tell me how she was afraid that I wouldn't be as "jolly" as I was at the time. What, am I Santa Claus? I think a couple things are happening here.

1) She's afraid for me, but not able to just come out and say the idea of me having such drastic surgery is scary.

2) There is this cultural sterotype of obese people that we are a lot of things: Lazy, "fat and happy", warm, cuddly, etc... that I think are associated to our physical being...and maybe an obsession with Santa....

3) People will be negative about your surgery and more importantly your success if they have any jealosy related to the journey you are about to go on

At the end of the day, this is supposed to change me. I wanted to be healthier, happier, more active and just around for a lot longer time. I have grumpy days and long tired days, just the same before I had surgery. The only thing I have lost are some pounds and a lot of stress and anxiety related to the potential of failing health.

Sharing that with my friends and family who were concerned usually helped them understand and even gave them some relief, because it's perspective you can't expect them to have unless they have a similar challenge.

[Malin 470]

@truckerswife not to disrespect your mom, BUT...sounds like the problem is her insecurities. Not cool to project on you.

[tfarr 270]

Since my surgery i have had many hormonal fluctuations. It's terrible. But, I am not tearing other people down because I am moody.

I am sorry your mum is taking her frustrations out on you

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[Stella S 612]

Agree with others - send her compassion and kindness. I changed. I became happier and more confident. I am 22 months post sleeve. Lost 104 and am 120 lbs for 6 months. The journey is yours with bumps in the road. Enjoy the ride

Stella

[Cindi_Augustine 99]

Very often people become obese from eating their feelings...depression, anxiety, anger...and when food is not a drug to self-medicate those feelings have to come out. It's a shame she didn't get therapy while losing the weight, but do not believe for one minute that the anger wasn't there before...she was likely burying (eating) it.

You can't force her to get therapy, but you can seek out support for yourself, to deal with hers, and to reassure yourself that you won't be overwhelmed during recovery. If you can get her into family therapy with you, so much the better.

I hope things get better. Best of luck.

[Cindi_Augustine 99]

On 2/1/2017 at 8:44 AM, MowryRocks said:

I have mouth shut for many years about rude things that people have said to me or implied because I "didn't want to rock the boat". With those people...I have changed into a total monster.

With all the others, quite the opposite. I'm more outgoing. I've always been friendly, but I'm not as apprehensive about asking them about their lives and experiences. I'm less shy and I am always up for a fun time.

I am different, but I like this different.

I relate to this, a lot. I was always a people pleaser, never stood up for myself because I felt it was the only way to get people to like the fat me. It's taken a while but I have learned to be assertive, and not to undermine my own happiness by giving in to others. I am far from mean, but I am not the apologetic, submissive person who was always hiding her light and letting others shine. Counselling is a great option if the transition gets rocky. Best of luck!