Very New and Scared

[Pink1022 1]

Hi,

Last month my PCP recommended that I contact the bariatric center. I am 5'4 and have a bmi of 50 which is about 290 lbs. I have sleep apnea and high blood pressure.

Two years ago I never thought I would be in this place. I was always obese but had lost 70 lbs the all natural way. I weighed less than I even weighed in high school. I did all this while suffering from hypothyroidism.

Unfortunately, my husband and I decided to try and get pregnant. We really wanted a baby...because I never had one and I always wanted to be a mom. I was being treated for hyperplasia with an IUD at the time. I lost the IUD...and we attempted to get preggers...within 3 months I was hospitalized 2 times and had to have blood transfusions because of my periods. We then found out I had pcos and precancerous hyperplasia. Physically, I was done.. I could not do it anymore...and my husband could not stand watching me suffer anymore. So we decided to have a total hysterectomy. Shortly after I had a nervous breakdown...and severe depression from not being able to have a baby.

That is where the current problem starts. While I had a very bad relationship with food my entire life...I never gained weight like I did until after having the hysterectomy. 200 turned into 250 and 250 turned into the heaviest weight of my life. I was under my PCP watch for well over a year trying metformin and everything under the sun...and still I would gain. I can't get it under control...and the weight I do manage to lose comes back with vengeance.

So finally my PCP had enough and said its time to call bariatrics. I trust my doctor...and I trust my hospital, the Cleveland Clinic, so I gave in and attended a seminar. After researching, and deciding that wls was a good option...I applied and got accepted into the program. I am scheduled to see the shrink in two weeks, and start the pre op process.

Since then I I have told just my immediate family...mom, dad, sister, brother, one cousin, and a good friend about my decision. One has been supportive the rest are scaring me to death. Talking about complications..and people that their friends know dying from the operation.

I know the risks, but now I am terrified I am making the wrong decision. Help!

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[BigDog Bryan 262]

There are FAR More success stories than there are failures. People may not want to brag about hearing that someone lost 100+ pounds and are healthier than they have been in 25 years.

Generally speaking, you will find that MANY of your friends do NOT have the courage to make real and lasting changes in their own lives. When you talk about your surgery, you may be reminding them that they are unable to change their own lives, so they are MUCH more comfortable keeping you from showing your courage and changing their little world that you are a round and controllable part of.

Change scares people, whether they realize it of not, so don't let their fear change you! You have already been through a LOT in your life, and you DESERVE a chance at a healthier life going forward. The liberation of coming off of medications after surgery (went into the hospital on 4 medications, came out on 2 - and the remaining doses were reduced to their lowest levels) is an immediate boost to your psychology, so embrace it. When you tell anyone that you are having this surgery, do it to inform them, not to affirm you.

God Bless

[MissKay 329]

Bryan pretty much summed it up in the best words possible.

I had one up on you (not to make it a competition, but simply to show you I can relate). I had my surgery done in Tijuana, Mexico, and I'm from Washington state. The moment I told my boyfriend's mom about it just so she could know the game plan, she started spewing off all this information about crime rates and botched surgery, and yadda yadda. A couple of my friends I told about it talked about people who they knew who got it and had gained all the weight back. In fact, anyone I know of who knew someone who had the surgery only knew someone who gained it all back. Negatives will always stick out more than the positives.

Just keep in your mind that this is for YOUR benefit, no one else's. Do it for your health, both physically and mentally. At the end of the day, no one else has to live with your health and body but you. If it's something you're determined to do, you can do it.

[Gcarter 50]

I was sleeved January 20th in Tijuana, Mexico too. Same scenario my daughter found out about my plans and was totally against and scared to death I'd be going to Mexico for surgery. There are many more positives than negatives. I knew someone that did almost die from it but if you're not doing your pre-op diet to the TV then you're putting yourself at risk. There are stages you go thru every week and if your eating harder food and you're supposed to be eating puree foods well then you are putting yourself at risk. Your NEW stomach has to heal. Yes, I was scared to death to have the surgery and even thought about backing out a time or two but I'm glad I didn't. When I left the hospital last Sunday I weighed 188 and as of yesterday 169. The best way to ease your mind is to do your own research and really get informed. Wishing you the very best! God bless you hun in your decsion.

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[Pink1022 1]

Thank you guys for your responses. I feel a bit better about it already.

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[DebSmiles 62]

I ditto everything above! People always know all the negatives and horror stories about this surgery. I am 2 weeks post-op and already thankful. I also had surgery in Mexico because of the huge cost savings and my insurance had limited coverage for bariatric surgery. I didn't tell many people, but the ones I did tell was for information purposes only. I had made my decision and paid my deposit before I even told my boyfriend. Yes, even he tried to dissuade me, but I know what's best for me. I had done plenty of research and had my reasons firmly established in my head.

Let me tell you, I have no regrets! I'm losing weight and already feel better than I have in years. My back pain, that I have suffered with for 15 years is already almost gone! Do your research and convince yourself first, then it won't matter what others have to say

[K_aane 356]

I have only my wonderful husband and 2 nieces who had the surgery as my support. No one else knows I am doing this. My sisters both do not support me taking this route. When I talked with them last summer that I was considering it they told me to put it out of my mind that I was not that fat. I am 5'1 and I weigh 274 lbs...yes I am that fat. I also am diabetic and hbp. My neighbor said, I think it is very vain of you to even consider that surgery. Vain..vain?????? To want to live a healthy life, get off all meds and regain mobility???? After that I decided to tell no one. Like someone else said, I am more afraid of not doing this and living disabled then I am about trying this. Will it be hard, yes, will it be painful, yes, growth is always difficult...but with this there is results and success. So instead of focusing on what could go wrong, I have my sight set on what will go right. Set your course, buckle down and follow the plan and hold on tight cuz it has to be better than where you are right now. God Bless. Be strong and fight to live a better life.

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[daisy63 36]

I am 11 days post op..and I told everyone. To me its a health issue...the losing and the gaining. I have nothing to hide...this is NOT the easy way. Surgery went great and I left the hospital no longer on diabetes meds. However...and PS your story could have been about me....it is hard. I am mourning food and week 2 has been rough because of it. My mom died a month ago unexpectedly...but I did surgery anyway. I no longer have my comfort of food and that is the worse pain I have felt. My clothes are loose...I am loosing 1 lb a day..but is is not making up for my loss. Truth. Think hard about it is my advise.

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[Pink1022 1]

I know...if I don't get a handle on this weight, I will end up having diabetes and everything else that goes with it.

I know its a lifestyle change...so much so that I already quit smoking...which is extremely difficult in itself. I am willing to make changes. I need to make them. I want to feel healthy, confident, and attractive. I am only 35. I don't want to wait till I'm 50..only to find out that I should have done the operation much sooner.

My sister says I'm not that big..yes I do carry my weight well...but I am fat. I need to change. Keep in mind my sister has never been a pound overweight in her life. She doesn't understand the daily struggle of obesity and the social stigmas that go with them.

My friend is overweight...has diabetes and has to take insulin shots. Her step mom had the surgery, and she has gained back weight...not all of it mind you. She also said her husbands aunt died from the operation. I get the risks...but she is trying to talk me out of my decision.

Its scary...I made up my mind to do this. I even talked to my stepson about the operation all ready. Everyone around me is doubting my decision. My hubby only worries because of the risks. But the rest think this is drastic...the risks, giving up food, altering my body.

They picture my 600lb life when they think of people getting this operation. Granted I'm not anywhere near the 600lbs...but I don't want to wait until I have all those health issues on top of the issues I already have to make a change.

However it is so hard to listen to people and the horror stories. It causes doubt. But I know I have to do this.

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[lisaBme 46]

Don't tell people if you aren't willing to hear their negativity. I told my husband, kids and 2 close friends. Nobody else because I wanted to go in with a positive mind set.

I have a 2nd cousin who almost died from bypass and is now on disability. I still needed to do this for ME. I'm so glad I did! Since day after surgery no BP meds after 23 years of them!

[With Grace 1]

I'm truly sorry your attempts to be a birth mother but you have other options. With your health status you may not have as many options to regain your health. I chose not to tell anyone about my surgery except my 28 year old daughter and my younger brother. That's my 'team '. They aren't on board. I didn't expect their skeptical disapproval. We are very close. I didn't tell them until I was scheduled for surgery. Maybe they will be supportive as the results are obvious. The same thing happened with me and my PCP. I was in a wreck in 2011, gained a lot of weight. I became depressed because of my weight and my weight caused depression. I was a mess for more than a year. In the Spring I started not feeling well. I was sick of being sick. I didn't know what a sleeve was. But once I started seeing the labs and other testing I had no idea how much my weight was affecting my body. My Dr suggested I attend the seminar. I startled the 5 month process for surgery approval. I said many times to the Drs and nurses I was moving forward but in my mind I wasn't absolutely committed. This is not plastic surgery. It's an opportunity to begin living again instead of existing. I had started not going out of my house. I didn't want anyone I knew to see me. If you're not prepared to make changes after surgery, you may not be on the right track 2 months before surgery I started having a Protein shake every morning and only drinking Water. I paid close attention to what I was eating and smaller portions. I didn't deprive myself. I became more aware. I know those changes made a huge difference to any questions I had. I had my surgery on Wed 25th. It's hard to explain how different I felt only a few hours after surgery. I felt a sense of hope being proud to be me again. I had lost myself along the way. In all our lives family and friends may not agree with our choices, for sure! We all have health issues or we wouldn't be Bariatric patients. We are living with those. Not them. My brother has a 5 year old and a 7 year old. I told him, strap your children on the front of your body then walk up and down the steps, get in and out of your car a few times a day, shower, get dressed with all the extra weight. It's true until you walk in someone's shoes you don't understand them. Another big factor for surgery was seeing the look in the eyes of my daughter and brother. They had gently said a few times they wished I was more healthy. I made the choice for surgery to stop and try to reverse medical issues. When I did tell them, I asked them to stay off the internet. I gave them mayo and Cleveland clinic sites. I offered to answer any questions they had specifically to my health and surgery. They opted not to engage with me about anything. I had even planned to Uber to the hospital but I was scheduled as the 1st surgery at 7a. I had to be there at 5:30a, Uber was out. My daughter did drive and drop me at the door. It's only about 15 minutes but it felt like 15 hours. She never spoke a single word and you could cut the air with a knife. I'm ok with it. I can't change it. You do you, to both of them. Going to support group was awesome! You meet pre op and post op patients. Everyone heals differently but you don't have to reinvent the wheel. They have great tips. In a genuine way, tell those who aren't supportive you are making the best decision for you. Facts are convincing. Surg approved from 17-73 years old. Complications during surgery is 1% of all cases. And so on........ If you were diagnosed with cancer would they be opposed to treatment? You have a medical diagnosis. You deserve the best possible medical care. Good luck!

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[KrisZ 23]

Your medical doctor advised this. Don't let the opinions of nonprofessionals spouting rumors scare you. Women die in childbirth but no one tries to talk you out of it. If your doctor advised bipass surgery, they wouldn't talk you out of that. Listen to the medical professionals.

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[Stella S 612]

It is ok for somethings to remain private. I thought about it for 6 years. Now 22 months since sleeved and I feel better than ever. The decision like your body is yours. I think I will always find any surgery scary. For me remaining overweight had more complications than benefits. Best to you - be true to yourself

[Oneyearout 43]

I'm 62 and had the sleeve done a year ago this month. I told no one but my husband, I didn't want anyone talking me out of it either. I feel better now then I have in years. Started gaining weight in my late 40s. I've lost 100 lbs in one year and passed my goal. The BEST thing I ever did for myself. Finally a few months out told my two children who live on their own and told two of my best friends who both live in other towns. It is no ones business unless you are comfortable telling them. Trust your gut and if you feel it's right for you do it. This group sounds like some smart and kind people and if any of them lived in Oklahoma we would all be friends. I agree surgery is scary but living healthy is so much worth it for me anyway. Pray about it and find peace with your decision. Good Luck!