Pre-op diet cheat and feelings of panic

[llism 10]

Warning: vent ahead!

Day three of the pre-op diet and I lost my sh!t tonight. Surgeon's recommendations are two Protein shakes a day + a meat and veggies dinner. I'd had a shake this morning, took a nap this afternoon (first day off in over two weeks) and when I woke up I wanted to eat the entire world and didn't do anything to reel myself in. I could have chosen any number of things -- have a shake and eat some green Beans I have waiting for me in the fridge, for example -- but I just didn't care. I was angry and resentful and feeling like it was a really horrible idea to have the surgery. So I ordered a medium thin crust with extra cheese and veggies and a hot chocolate brownie from pizza Hut. I ate six slices of the pizza and scraped the toppings off the other two pieces, and then I ate about 1/4 of the brownie pan, and of-superobvious-course I feel uncomfortable and sick and even more panicked now.

My brief psychology: I was repeatedly sexually abused by a neighbor when I was very young and food became my everything. I was obese as early as elementary school, lost weight through some program my mom took me to, and was only able to barely maintain my weight loss by taking up smoking when I was around 13 or 14 (although I did fluctuate by as much as 50 pounds after I started smoking). I finally quit smoking in 2005 or so and my weight has been steadily climbing to my now all-time high. I've been in therapy for the sexual abuse and related eating disorder since 2008 and honestly thought I was at a place where WLS would be something I could handle. Now, though, I'm having serious second thoughts. If I can't make it through the pre-op diet, how the heck am I going to manage the rest of my life? I've always been the sort of person who has a real "I'll show me!" reaction to any type of prescribed diet, so I tend to self-sabotage when I'm given a list of "don'ts". What does that mean for post-op, though? How can I have any degree of confidence that I'll be successful if I can't make it three effing days without flipping out?

[thunder32 65]

Fix the second paragraph then the 1st paragraph will be easy

thunder32

[fatontheinside 92]

I think everyone has a day where they just flip out...my question to you is, does this happen more often than not? there are days when I want to lick the paint off the walls for no other reason than I can. But, having the self-control to NOT do those things is everything. WLS is 100% mind over matter and not the other way around. I feel your pain...but maybe you may need more therapy to get to the true root of your issue before you get into such a life altering thing as surgery. This surgery can't fix whats broken...its only a tool.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey. I know it can be hard to get in the right mind-set.

Good luck!!

[kimberb 323]

Day 3 pre-op diet same as yours. I find drinking fluids helps alot with the hunger. I had a total of 116.9 oz today. You just have to set your mind to do it. Good luck

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T337A using the BariatricPal App

[_Kate_ 2,224]

I think this is a little more complicated than just getting on with it.

Have you spoken to your therapist about having WLS? When are you due to have the surgery?

One bit of personal advice though, don't focus on what you can't do - focus on what you CAN do. Really wish you the very best and please come here to vent so we can support you

Kate