Odd musings by a sleep deprived, whiney bandster

[blahblahblah 4]

Hello all,

I'm not yet at goal, but I've lost enough weight where it is finally showing. I've always been the fat one in my family of skinny-slightly overweight people. I've been the fat sister/daughter my entire life....although looking at childhood pictures, I was as far from fat then as I am far from skinny now.

Anyway, my sister was talking to me the other day and said that she is having a hard time with the thought of me not being the fat sister...This would, in turn, put her in that positition as she is currently sporting about 30 extra pounds. I don't think there was any inteneded "malice" in her comment...but it really bugged me.

See, although I know I am the fat one...I don't like having that told to me so matter of factly...Somehow I like to think that I am the only person who realizes that I am as fat as I am. I'd prefer to think that other people think I am meerly fluffy!!!

But to have her point out that, not only am I fat, but the fatness "yard stick" that she and my other family members measure themselves by...hurt...A LOT.

A few years ago, my father was talking about how my sister and her husband were not equal in looks...He being far less attractive than my sister...but that my other sister and her husband are equally attractive as are my bro and his wife. I was stupid...I took the bait and asked about my dh and myself. The reply???...You are equal...but it doesn't matter...people look at you and see the fat couple. Thanks dad.

And so I think that we need to redefine ourselves as something other than our weight....but that's who I have been for my entire life...The fat sister/daughter... I'm not that person to my husband...I'm mama to my girls...but that fat little girl IS the me inside of my head... How the hell do I get her to move out when she's been, not such a part of me, but the actual ME?

Sorry to be maudlin...my 3 year old keeps waking and screaming at night...it's killing me.

Rainer

[Marimaru 7]

I've been fortunate never to have been referred to as "the fat sister" even though I am. My younger sister was actually wearing the same shirt size as me shortly after her son was born, and she said she thought it was cool that we could share clothes. That same sister broke down after a few glasses of wine to say that she was having a horrible time being her size (she'd never been over weight before and she had about 50 lbs to lose after he was born), and that she felt bad saying anything to me knowing that she was still smaller than me (in the waist) and that I'd been struggling for so long. I explained to her that her issue was completely different from mine, as in she KNEW what her body was supposed to look like and that I had no idea. I also told her that I knew that just because she didn't like her body didn't mean that when she told me I was looking good she didn't mean it.

I'm sure behind my back I've been referred to as the fat one, or the biggest of the 3 or whatever. My mother on the other hand has seen fit to tell me that I'm "HUGE" (way back when) and other such things. I think my mom means well, but she's just not good for my self esteem sometimes.

The dynamic among your sisters and you is likely to change. It really depends on your sisters whether that's a good thing or a bad thing...

[neveragain 9]

Ok I will always be the fat kid, which translates to the odd one out in my family.

Let me give you an idea:

Father: Doctor. MIT grad with honors. Sigma Alpha Epsilon (Very prestigious fraternity) Tuffs Medical School grad. Very athletic.

Mother: Was a head nurse at a hospital. U of A grad with honors. Blonde bombshell. Social Butterfly.

Sister: Full Academic scholarship to U of A. Pi Beta Phi (Very prestigious sorority) Absolutely gorgeous.

Then there's me. I never got a scholarship. I really doubt I'll ever get honors in anything. I've never been super attractive. I've always had to struggle to make myself social. I am the ugly duckling.

I know, waaaaah, but sometimes I just need to vent. I know what you mean.

[BANDSTER45 0]

Hello all,

I'm not yet at goal, but I've lost enough weight where it is finally showing. I've always been the fat one in my family of skinny-slightly overweight people. I've been the fat sister/daughter my entire life....although looking at childhood pictures, I was as far from fat then as I am far from skinny now.

Anyway, my sister was talking to me the other day and said that she is having a hard time with the thought of me not being the fat sister...This would, in turn, put her in that positition as she is currently sporting about 30 extra pounds. I don't think there was any inteneded "malice" in her comment...but it really bugged me.

See, although I know I am the fat one...I don't like having that told to me so matter of factly...Somehow I like to think that I am the only person who realizes that I am as fat as I am. I'd prefer to think that other people think I am meerly fluffy!!!

But to have her point out that, not only am I fat, but the fatness "yard stick" that she and my other family members measure themselves by...hurt...A LOT.

A few years ago, my father was talking about how my sister and her husband were not equal in looks...He being far less attractive than my sister...but that my other sister and her husband are equally attractive as are my bro and his wife. I was stupid...I took the bait and asked about my dh and myself. The reply???...You are equal...but it doesn't matter...people look at you and see the fat couple. Thanks dad.

And so I think that we need to redefine ourselves as something other than our weight....but that's who I have been for my entire life...The fat sister/daughter... I'm not that person to my husband...I'm mama to my girls...but that fat little girl IS the me inside of my head... How the hell do I get her to move out when she's been, not such a part of me, but the actual ME?

Sorry to be maudlin...my 3 year old keeps waking and screaming at night...it's killing me.

Rainer

Rainer, you're NOT whiney at all. Reading your blog is my life 100%. I know what you mean about that little Fat Girl in your head. I have her too. I've lost 65 pounds in the last year and everyone says I am a totally different looking and acting person. New hair style, new way of dressing, new attitude. I'm more myself thin, than I was Fat. When I was FAT in school, my mother used to tell me that I had to dress nicer, work harder at getting better grades, and be nicer because I "wasn't built as nice as the other girls so I had to try harder". She did'nt mean any harm at all, she was trying to help me, but that little fat girl in my head still feels that I'm "not as good" as the other girls. When in reality, I'm WAY better than most of those stuck up skinny girls. (no offense intended to "naturally" skinny girls) But that little fat girl in my head keeps telling me I'm not "as good". All those little girl insecurities come out daily. People tell me I'm beautiful on the outside as well as the inside, and they all say I act so self-confident, but inside I"m not. I go out and see all these sexy, thin women and I feel like a fat slob, even though I get hit on just as much if not more than them. I've been told that I'm more approachable and freindly. I don't care what or who the guy is, if he asks me to dance, I'll dance. I love to dance, and I go there to dance, by be picky about who I dance with.

So I understand and sympathize with you 100% but I don't know how to git that Fat Girl out of our heads. Maybe in time she will realize that we aren't the same and she will grow up and work better with us. We have to keep encouraging her everyday. No matter what others opinions and viewpoints may be, we are unique and special and will always have our special ways. Keep up the good work. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[lindaa 1]

Sometimes it's easier to lose the weight on the outside than the voices inside. Maybe it's some kind of genetic programming--the thing that made us fat people in the first place--maybe we're trying to cheat our destinies by trying to become normal when we weren't ment to be.

[S@ssen@ch 745]

I think we all have that "inner child" that stays with us. Whether it's the little fat girl or the little awkward girl or the little ugly girl or the little shy girl (maybe a combination of lots of them).

The experiences of our past impress these little children upon us. They become our solitude when we feel vulnerable and are our safe haven when we need a break from life's stresses.

When we major changes happen in our lives, whether it's for the good or the bad, these little children come to light and fight against the change. They've become comfortable right where they are and serve their purposes. I think that's part of the reason we fail at long term weight loss without professional help. We literally sabotage ourselves against change.

We'll all just have to help these little children in our psyche grow up or evolve into a more positive influence.

Just my 2 cents.

[lainee 0]

I TOO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE THE FAT SISTER/DAUGHTER. AFTER MY SISTER GAVE BIRTH TO HER SON SHE GAVE ME A BLOUSE SHE HAD BEEN WEARING WHILE PREGNANT SAYING "IT,S A SHAME TO WASTE A NICE BLOUSE IT WILL FIT YOU" I HONESTLY DON,T THINK SHE MEANT ANYTHING BY IT (WELL I HOPE NOT) BUT I WAS MORTIFIED TO SAY THE LEAST. MY MOTHER WHEN I WAS DATING MY HUBBY TO BE USED TO SAY TO ME " IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU LOST WEIGHT AS ADRIAN IS SO SLIM YOU WOULD LOOK BETTER TOGETHER":omg: DO THEY THINK THAT WHEN YOU ARE FAT YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS? I THINK THEY TRULY FELT THEY WERE BEING KIND OR TRYING TO HELP ME BUT IT JUST DROVE ME TO THE FRIDGE:cry YET IN THE PAST WHEN I HAVE LOST WEIGHT THE SAME SISTER WITH THE BLOUSE NEVER COMPLEMENTED ME SO MAYBE SHE HAD ISSUES OF HER OWN?

[BlueEyedKitty 0]

I know what you mean...I hope the Fat Girl in my head goes away, but I'm prepared for the fact that I may be dealing with her for a long time.

This may be the first time in my life that I'm glad I dont have sisters though!! While I am the Fat Sister, I only have brothers, 3 very handsome younger brothers, and whether it is true or not I always think they're embarrassed that they have a fat sister. One of them is a marathon runner, and one of my goals is to run the Salt Lake 5K next spring when he runs the Salt Lake Marathon. I know all my brothers will be very proud of me when I look healthy and fit and beautiful, but I wonder if I will still be feeling that somehow I don't measure up to my "little brothers"!!

[BANDSTER45 0]

Lindaa, ddidre, lainee, and blueeyedkitty: I agree 100% with all of you. I also think that us who have been the "fat girl" all out lives have more appreciation for things. Especially our weight, or better, the "lack there of" after we lose it. It's like they say, "you appreciate more, what you have to work for". And just look at what we all have given up and go through on a daily basis to get where we want to be!!! We are awesome!!! I know thin gals who put on weight after having babies etc. and couldn't get it off. THey were baskets cases! Literally! And I'm thinking, "so what, it's just 20 or 30 pounds, I've gained and lost that like 10 times in my life." But it totally messed up their entire life. So I guess we who are born with weight problems are "special", we can handle what ever its thrown at us cuz after all, we weren't born with everything perfect, perfect bodies, perfect life, thus we've learned that there is more to life and more to a person than what they look like and what size they are. Incidentally, I see a lot of the skinny gals and most of them are not very pretty. I've often thought, "Wow, I'd like to have her body, but with my face." I know that's not nice, but it's true. I see us big women and we are BEAUTIFUL! Beautiful skin, smiles, laughs, spirits. Not only are most of the thin gals ugly on the outside, a lot of times they are ugly on the inside too. Like the saying goes, "Ugly goes to the bone." Those little Fat girls in our heads will soon realize that having been fat, makes us "SPECIAL" and perhaps a little better than the others for it. Our little fat girls in our heads will help keep us humble and "special", and keep us as beautiful on the outside as we always have been on the inside. I want my Fat girl in my head to stay and keep me "special". Make sense?? Thanks for the read and I pray that we all can embrace our "Fat Girl" and love her and love ourselves. We are beautiful people, period!! Love you all, and have a great day!!!!

[lindaa 1]

Thanks, Tammy. I've never felt "special," at least not in a good sense. Lots to think about. . .