Trying Hard Here!

[81Kellogram 101]

I know this is going to sound really harsh, but if it were my family treating me so poorly, I wouldn't have anything to do with them. I had an abusive childhood and when I broke away from that in my teens (moved out on my own when I was 16) I vowed I would never allow anyone close to me to treat me unkindly. Not just abusive, but UNKINDLY. Negative and judgmental people eat at my soul and have no place in my life. I have no relationship with half of my family by my choice and it's liberating.

[hermione53 157]

Wow, your family sounds pretty cruel. It must be very hard on you. I'm 47 and my dad berated me about my weight since I was about 10 years old. I decided about 7 years ago to cut off most contact with him and it's been freeing. He reached out to me right after my sleeve surgery bc my brother told him I'd had my band removed. I emailed my dad to say I'm well, thanks, and Happy New Year. That was it. I figure that I have enough criticism towards myself. I don't need it from anybody else. Getting this surgery is a courageous move. Congratulate yourself for that!

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[Sam827 9]

Hi mom of 2,

Congratulations on having the strength & courage to take charge of your life !

You need to ignore all the people talking crap about you and your decision on having VSG.

I am 5'3 , was 230 lbs in Aug , BMI 40.2 I have had back& knee surgery multiple times, parents & sister are diabetic. My A1c had been creeping up but by bit also am scheduled for 1/30 & have list 30lbs since Aug.

I am divorced, 4 adult children & live alone .. I made this decision after months of research but knowing my family have opted to tell only one of my kids , the one that will support me from day one ! A few friends and other family members know I am doing this ... I chose not to say anything because I know that I don't need negativity around me right now!

Stop posting so publicly on FB , share your successes with friends that will cheer you on ! And boost you if you get down!

Stay in touch & have a healthy life !

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[bariatricmomof2 18]

Thank you! I hope your surgery went well!! I stopped posting on FB and other social media sites. My parents are now interested in how I'm doing. LOL!!! I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for dehydration and Vitamin deficiency. I bounced back though and am doing better. Thank you again for the support!

HW 270
SW 253
CW 209
5'1" tall
Sleeved 12/22/2016!

[Sam827 9]

Hi momof2
So happy to hear you are doing better! I was sleeved on1/30 and am feeling wonderful!
My sleep apnea is gone , my BP went from the 150/100 to 100/60 ! Where it was 30 years ago!
I can't stress how important it is to keep up the Vitamins and hydration...
I said what I said to you because I knew that once you stopped being so open about the process people would want to know and start asking ! My mother still won't acknowledge that I've lost over 50 lbs and dropped two pants sizes!
Whatever! [emoji4] the thing is I know and am proud of myself!
Take care and all will fall into place !


HW 233
SW 200
CW 182!
Sleeved 1/30/2017


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[bariatricmomof2 18]

That is so awesome! I am very proud of your success!

HW 270
SW 253
CW 209
5'1" tall
Sleeved 12/22/2016!

[ryan_86 335]

So here's a question:
Has anyone in the history of social media found that using it made their lives better?

Family is family, but these friends don't sound like they're worth having. And as for family, I'd tell them if they wanted to continue being a part of my life, they wouldn't ever speak to me about weight, diet, or exercise again.

[Bandy2sleeve 40]

I am in the process of converting from lapband to sleeve. What I found on my own journey was that some people actually prefer us to be a fat/sick/unhealthy or whatever as it makes them feel better about themselves. Real friends love you no matter how big or small you are... they love you for who you are and as you are. Weight loss surgery is a huge step and most people dont really understand it unless they are faced with the same situation. I now have people judging me because they wonder why i want to convert to the sleeve when I am a relatively normal weight. They have no idea of the relationship food and I have. I KNOW without surgery that I will get back to the heavy, unhealthy miserable me - and I never ever want to be that person again. If people dont understand that - then its their problem, not mine.

[bariatricmomof2 18]

I think we use social media to make ourselves feel better when we have people praising us. After I stopped posting on there I now have family and friends asking how I'm doing. I've lost 50 pounds (as of today) and that's my 1st goal! I guess it's the fact that my family really thought this would be a cake walk for me. I've been in the hospital. I've struggled with trying to lose the weight. They actually support me now. I'm surprised. I still don't post about me except a few pics of the kids and I at the beach with my new bikini on!!! LOL

HW 270
SW 252
CW 202
5'1" tall
Sleeved 12/22/2016!

[Heather I 500]

My personal choice, I told very few people about surgery, and would never put it on social media. It's a shame, because I'm not embarrassed about needing the surgery and know it was definitely the right choice for my health and sanity, but there is SUCH a stigma and so much misinformation about WLS -- it's not my job to educate or convince others that I, or anyone else, needs surgical help to lose weight.

I have a casual friend that could desperately use WLS, but I said nothing to her because she is a little gossipy, and I don't want my business put out there. I was VERY annoyed when, against my known, expressed wishes, my husband blabbed to his very harsh, judgmental family that I had surgery.

Seek approval and praise from others who understand your journey, like here, or support groups. Truly, until someone walks a mile in your shoes, they don't get it. My SIL has always been rail thin, super tall, and hated food. Well, she quit smoking, gained 25 lbs in 3 months, and is now hungry all the time and freaking out, asking me for advice on losing weight! Before this happened though, she definitely let it be known she didn't understand people getting fat.

The worm turns, LOL, and I'm quietly chuckling.

I do make sure to post check-ins at the gym when I'm working out (which is now a lot!) This is probably my being self-defensive a bit like, see, I'm losing weight, but I'm busting ass, too, and it's not magic. I'll take the cheers for exercising, but the surgery component -- my lips are sealed.

[DD 7]

I told no one but my husband and few close friend they all disapproved. I got my sleeve last week the 6th and really happy as it was the best thing for me. I told my mom and she wasn't happy so expected to get the same from sister and brother but no...they were SUPER happy for me. I just think it takes some getting use to with husband and friends. Keep your head up:)

[ymarie 13]

They may come around eventually. In the mean time, don't waste your energy on their negativity. You might want to create a second Facebook group for your journey so you can delete negative people and comments as required.


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[ryan_86 335]

I think my loved ones treaded lightly. There were questions about me being sure, questions about whether I had really tried (which I found insulting - they knew I'd been fat since kindergarten), questions about whether I was prepared for the long term life style change.

Once those question were answered, they were universally supportive. I only found out after - from my surgeon, as well as others - how scared they were. They told others because they were scared and needed someone to talk to about it - uncles and family friends and aunts knew, and I only found out they knew after the fact - and all of them have been supportive too.

I'm glad they knew. My closest friends knew. My boss knew and some other colleagues figured it out.

I learned that all the people I thought cared about me really do care about me.

But if I hadn't been so lucky and they hadn't accepted it, I'd have done it anyway. My body, my health, my life. Their approval didn't matter. Still doesn't matter.

That said, I don't tell anyone who I don't think needs to know. It just isn't necessary.

In fact, a colleague told me last week that the photo of me on the company website, taken 1 year and 123 pounds ago, looks so different. Did the IT people squish the photo? I told her I got stung by a bee on my way into the office that morning. But that was just to amuse myself.

I will add, as someone whose employer would probably fire him for voicing this opinion, that social media is a social disaster. It serves to make everyone insecure, it empowers petty and vindictive individuals, it cuts us off from real contact, and it turns us alternately into voyeurs and exhibitionists. My advice is to walk away from social media. If you want to talk about this journey or brag about your success, do it here or do it directly to the people you care about and who care about and support you. Everyone else is a bystander, their praise will not help you, and their scorn - much more common than praise - will and apparently has hurt you. Ask yourself: what do I really need social media for? Am I a better person for being on it? Am I happier for being on it?