WLS->gossip->Mom->explanation

[mrsNilla 304]

I had rny in November, but I was on a strict diet since September. I lost some padding... still ways to go, but I'm told that it shows.

Here is my dilemma. I never told my Mom that I'm having surgery. She lives 300 miles from me and I see her whenever I have time to go and visit. Last time was just before my sugery and she wasn't happy that I was on a diet. She didn't notice that I already had lost some weight and I was trying to talk to her about wls in general. Nope. She would always change the subject to her sister in laws ass size. So I didn't tell her.

I was supposed to go to visit for xmas, but my hubby is very sick and not getting any better, so it had to be postponed. So I don't know when I will see her next time. I'm below the weight I was when we got married. I'm losing slowly, just over 2 lbs weekly average, but still she will notice it next time I go.

I had something called panniculitis in my stomach around xmas and I told her about that. So that might be my explanation. It comes with nausea ja puking, so not that far fetched. You might lose some weight with that.

I just don't like to lie.

The worse thing is my eating. She will notice that I eat very little. I can't just eat crap and in big portions for a weekend to hide my rny. I will be talked about, a lot. I love my Mom, but she is the worst gossip on the planet and likes to add her own views as facts on top of the story.

Oh well, it's done and I'm happy, so who cares. I'm sure I will end up with some horrible disease in her mind. She also diagnosed my hubbys illness to be a result of our pet parrots... So maybe I lost the weight due to them?

Nilla

[lkcnewbeginnings 77]

Didn't tell my mom either for similar reasons. Just say I'm dieting get and not very hungry. Good luck.

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[sc101071 398]

If she asks how you're losing weight, just tell her through eating less. No explanation needed and it's the truth. As for the why, well you know all of those reasons.

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[tani 105]

You can tell her you have to eat a certain way because it's doctors orders. Technically that's true!

[Redmaxx 740]

I didn't tell my parents that I had the surgery. My wife spilled the Beans while I was in the hospital. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was, "I didn't realize you were that big." I wasn't that big, I had it done because the woman that gave birth to me dropped dead of a heart attack at a relatively early age. She had the same issues that I had (high BP, high cholesterol, diabetes, sleep apnea, depression) when I had the RNY surgery. I can completely understand your not wanting to tell your mom.

[James Marusek 5,244]

You might try shock treatment!!!!

I remember 50 years ago when I was in Boot Camp, I didn't know if I would make it home for Christmas. The chance was looking pretty poor because all the marbles were not in place. So when I talked with my mom leading up to the holidays, I told her it probably wasn't going to happen. Well at the last minute, my orders came through and I flew home and had my sister pick me up at the airport. I called my mom and told her that I wasn't going to make it. My sister took me home and I knocked on the front door. I looked a lot different after bootcamp. They almost shaved all the hair off my head. I lost weight and was looking rather trim. When my mom opened the door she didn't recognize me. She thought I was still in Texas. She initially thought I must be a military friend from bootcamp. It was one of the biggest surprises that I ever did.

Shock treatment can be good sometimes. It opens the avenues of communication. So maybe next time you are going to visit your mother. Call her up at the last minute and tell her something came up and you will not get to visit with her and then ring her doorbell.

[mrsNilla 304]

Thanks for everyones input!

I had a lovely nut who asked if I was interested in wls, because she considered me a good candidate. That was my start to this journey and she will get a bunch of flowers when I see her in 2 months! I saw her in September the last time and she has always been very supportive, even though we don't see eye to eye on everything. But we can agree to disagree ☺

Nilla

[pvechiola 195]

I have an Italian mother and she thinks the world revolves around her. When I ask her for advice about other things in general it's usually not a judgemental answer. Ever since I decided to have wls I have been telling her I am just going to the nutrition classes just to learn how to eat. I just don't ask, tell or discuss wls, I finally told her I was 55 and I have made my decision and I'm having the surgery. My surgeon is the Director of Metabolic surgery and has great credentials. My mom comes home with one horror story after another about people dying from this surgery. I finally told her that if I have to be so fat that I don't even want to look in a mirror, I would rather die than live like this. On top of all that she buys tons of coffee cakes, donuts, and candy which I don't even like any more, but if I make one box of chocolate no sugar added pudding then they all want what I am making. We had an argument about that and then she started on the dinner I made for her the previous night. Am I expecting too much or are they being ridiculous? I really feel that if I need to eat something sugar free I should be able to, am I wrong? Someone please explain to me what to do, I have til March to finish my last three classes and they are really making this alot harder than I think it should be. I have absolutely no support here but I am having this surgery and I'm sure it's what I need.

[LittleBill 2,231]

I just tell people outside my circle that I have changed my diet, and it is restrictive. As a result, my stomach size has changed. This is not all the truth, but it is enough of it to satisfy most people. I don't know if it would get past your Mom, but it might help. Good luck with it!

[mrsNilla 304]

I have an Italian mother and she thinks the world revolves around her. When I ask her for advice about other things in general it's usually not a judgemental answer. Ever since I decided to have wls I have been telling her I am just going to the nutrition classes just to learn how to eat. I just don't ask, tell or discuss wls, I finally told her I was 55 and I have made my decision and I'm having the surgery. My surgeon is the Director of Metabolic surgery and has great credentials. My mom comes home with one horror story after another about people dying from this surgery. I finally told her that if I have to be so fat that I don't even want to look in a mirror, I would rather die than live like this. On top of all that she buys tons of coffee cakes, donuts, and candy which I don't even like any more, but if I make one box of chocolate no sugar added pudding then they all want what I am making. We had an argument about that and then she started on the dinner I made for her the previous night. Am I expecting too much or are they being ridiculous? I really feel that if I need to eat something sugar free I should be able to, am I wrong? Someone please explain to me what to do, I have til March to finish my last three classes and they are really making this alot harder than I think it should be. I have absolutely no support here but I am having this surgery and I'm sure it's what I need.

I'm sure you didn't come to this desicion lightly. And you are doing it for the person who counts, you.

Just continue with changing your habits and if others want to join in the sugar free pudding, just make more of it. They might have the same interest in losing some weight, but are not ready to say it out loud yet.

All the luck to you!

Nilla

[Djmohr 6,965]

Congratulations on having your surgery and your success so far!

As far as Mom is concerned you might simply tell her that you have had stomach issues and the doctor has you on a strict diet. You are losing the weight through diet and excercise which is not lying it is the truth.

She doesnt need to know you have had surgery, that will only lead to more questions and comments.

Just remind her that you have been ill and eating right and losing weight is making you feel so much better.

It is not a lie and will leave you feeling better about things.

Best of luck with Mom!