How do you view overweight people now that your thin?

[Clementine Sky 708]

I really don't have a set way of viewing overweight people. When it comes to strangers who are overweight, I give it little thought because it's not any of my concern. For people I actually know, my feelings vary depending on the individual. For some I have compassion because I know it's been a hardship, but for others I don't because they seem to be happy with themselves. They might not actually be, but since they don't discuss their weight, I don't either. One of my friends has been obese since college, and seems far more confident and content with her life than I was when I was overweight. I envy that she hasn't let her weight keep her from shining, the way that I let mine diminish me.

Edited January 7, 2017 by Clementine Sky

[SharBear617 146]

Personally, I have been guilty of not necessarily judging people based on their size, but on making size comparisons, as in when looking at someone larger than me, "well I'm fat, but I'm not THAT fat." I'm working now on halting such comparisons, mostly because someone else's size is not my business.....MY size is my business.

I feel that people who lose weight and are extremely judgmental of heavy people do so out of fear knowing they could slip into old habits and go back to that themselves. And I agree with another poster, who said most likely they have many unresolved issues about how they felt about themselves when bigger.

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[Thick2Thin2016 63]

Depends if they tell me that they want to do it without any sacrifices I check out

[SharBear617 146]

One more thing: I also prevent myself from judging, by realizing I have no idea where that larger person is in their journey....they may have just lost 100, 200, or 300 lbs, and are thrilled with their success and proud of their hard work....who the hell am I to place a judgment on that!

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[Travelher 915]

The irony of the guy's statement about being dragged down by an overweight person is the assumption that a thin person doesn't have horrid habits. The thinnest girl I know, eats unbelievably poorly. Burgers and fries for lunch every day...chocolate bar Snacks etc...it is a horrible assumption that overweight always = unhealthy and thin always = healthy.

[demonchick 67]

I understand in a way the guys statement. I wouldn't want to date a morbidly obese person, as I was that person and I'm still scared of going back to old habits. I don't trust myself it's that simple. But whoever I date, needs to have a good healthy diet, regardless of their size.

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[summerset 5,265]

If you want to be a thin or healthy person do what they do.

I agree only to an extent. I know too many thin people that seem healthy enough with eating and exercise habits I wouldn't dare to mimic - because I would be way fatter than I am now if I did.

[summerset 5,265]

Therefore, as it relates to dating, I'm just not into big dudes. As it relates to overweight people in general, I don't really have an opinion.

I don't think that's "being an asshole". It's a matter of taste when it comes to what kind of body type we're attracted to. I'm mostly attracted to the bigger muscular guys. One might refer to them as "husky". I also prefer darker haired guys to fair haired guys in general.

Otherwise I couldn't care less how much someone weighs or how overweight someone might be, e. g. when it comes to colleagues.

[shedo82773 1,236]

I can speak from both sides of the coin. NO WAY would I treat anyone that has a weight problem bad or be mean. I know the feelings of being FAT!! I feel sorry for them for sure. Now my hubby has had his Sleeve since June. Which means he is 7 months out. He has lost 75#'s. I had the RNY and I had lost 132#'s in 6 months. I have to watch out for how I think when he isn't following his program. He eats great for a few days maybe even a week then he falls off the wagon. I do have a very hard time not judging him. His health is the #1. Now he has Cancer which his Dr told him that he had 5 years max if he did nothing. And the last 2 would be hell. I can hardly hold my tongue. It seems to me that if it was reversed I would do whatever it took to become Cancer free!! So you see I can relate to both sides of the coin!! I have to remind myself constantly that I CAN NOT do it for him!!

[shedo82773 1,236]

I can speak from both sides of the coin. NO WAY would I treat anyone that has a weight problem bad or be mean. I know the feelings of being FAT!! I feel sorry for them for sure. Now my hubby has had his Sleeve since June. Which means he is 7 months out. He has lost 75#'s. I had the RNY and I had lost 132#'s in 6 months. I have to watch out for how I think when he isn't following his program. He eats great for a few days maybe even a week then he falls off the wagon. I do have a very hard time not judging him. His health is the #1. Now he has Cancer which his Dr told him that he had 5 years max if he did nothing. And the last 2 would be hell. I can hardly hold my tongue. It seems to me that if it was reversed I would do whatever it took to become Cancer free!! So you see I can relate to both sides of the coin!! I have to remind myself constantly that I CAN NOT do it for him!!

And as far as dating another Fat man, I weighed 135#'s when I married my hubby, he weighed 350#'s. I was always interested in BIG MEN and a little older than me. They (or I thought) were more mature!! Not really, it took him years to grow up. He was 23 and fresh out of the Navy, I was 16yo when we started dating and barely 17 when we got married. I figured that being "A man of the WORLD" he would have been mature. LOL

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@doxaholic Very interesting discussion so far, and I think it's a good one for us to have.

I'm with @@AvaFern about having a 'type' that you're attracted to. I've always gone for slimmer, athletic guys. I used to be slim and athletic, I dated the same type and married that type as well. When I became fat, I still liked it and my guy is still slim and athletic. Friend-wise, I could not care less what their body type is, I make friends based on what's in a person's head and heart, not what the wrapper looks like.

I do find myself post-op thinking that I can 'save' all the obese people I see, mostly because I know how shitty it felt to be obese and how much better life is at 180 lbs than it was at 260 lbs. Thankfully, I'm not stupid enough to think I SHOULD evangelize about my experiences, but that's my reaction now when I see random obese people as I'm out and about...nothing negative at all, and not pity either, just empathy and a little bit of sadness. And even the sadness is presumptuous, as I don't know if they're unhappy or in pain, I'm projecting my own feelings onto anonymous strangers.

I have a dear friend who is about to undergo WLS and I had an amazing conversation with her a few weeks ago. It really opened my eyes and made me more cognizant of how I speak of my own weight loss. She apologized for always telling me that I look great and always wanting to talk about weight loss and surgery and so forth. She felt she was putting me down by commenting on the change, vs commenting on who I am in general. It doesn't bother me at all, the praise and 'good for you' comments, but I realized that I may be speaking of my own weight loss in terms that make her feel as though I don't value her as she is at present. That realization really made me think about being very careful when having conversations with ANYONE about my weight loss. I never want to come off as denigrating about the old, fat me...I was who I was, and I was truly doing the best I could with the circumstance I was in. I need to make sure I'm giving that same grace to others, as I don't truly know their situations and why they are the way they are.

[doxaholic 252]

Shedo82773 im so sorry to hear your husband has cancer. I hope he gets his treatments instead of letting go.

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[Hiraeth 515]

I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?

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When I see someone who is severely overweight, I really want to give them advice, and maybe help them make a similar decision. But, it's difficult to tell someone they may want to consider surgery.

As far as dating goes, I have never been attracted to extremely overweight people (but I have been attracted to slightly overweight people). I had barely any interest in dating because I was overweight, and I actually didn't want anyone to find me attractive, since I didn't feel attractive. Not only that, but I didn't want anyone to be attracted to me because being severely overweight doesn't feel like the "real me".

[reree6898 1,164]

For me I have found that when seeing obese people I have a great deal of compassion because I was 300+ pounds for the majority of my adult life and I was never a normal weight until just recently at 38 years old. I notice things that many people wouldn't pick up on for example there are certain things that people do like a way someone shifts in their chair at church or pulls on their clothes that I see and know that they are uncomfortable and unhappy because I did the same things for so long.

As for dating, I have always been attracted to the somewhat husky guys. That being said though I would want someone that can keep up with my activity level though and be able to work out and go on long bike rides etc. I would not be able to date someone who doesn't care at all about what they eat and are not active , no matter what their size is, because it would be way too easy for me to fall back into old habits. I fight against being a couch potato and fast food junkie and never want to go back to that lifestyle.

[shedo82773 1,236]

Shedo82773 im so sorry to hear your husband has cancer. I hope he gets his treatments instead of letting go.

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Thank you!! We are working on it. I wish he would just get that 45#'s off. I really don't want to spend my days alone. I have my kids and grandkids but I have spent 43 years with this guy. If you know what I mean!!