Body image and sex

[larry971 279]

@@larry971

You are a man, it isn't the same thing at all. No offense.

I'm glad to see you have overcame adversity and kept your weight loss up.

Sounds like somebody treated you really bad. and believe me I understand about image. It works the other way too. Women don't talk to me because of my size. I actually lost a job because they didn't want a fat man working there. Women can be just as cruel as men. But I don't care how many cruel ones there are because there's a lot of nice good ones out there. And looking in the mirror and seeing your imperfections isn't anything that anyone can change but you. And it's never that easy.

Sent from Larry's S7

Actually I haven't had bad experiences at least not about my looks. My issues are internal. Most men think I am beautiful, actually strikingly beautiful, which is really another problem all together that I am dealing with.

Like I said before, no man I have dated in the past year as said anything at all about my body, they are usually very stuck on how beautiful my face is.

The issue is my own person comfort level with my skin. Suddenly being uncomfortable in your own body is a very weird feeling.

I never had this issue morbidly obese. I would walk around naked around men all the time, sex with the lights on, everything. I was very comfortable with my body. I wasn't one of those fat people that hated myself.

I have lost over 170 pounds, not many people have lost that much weight. That puts me in a class with very few people. People that have lost in the 100 pound range don't have the same issues as people who have lost nearly twice as much. One of the things I am working on with my therapist is learning to accept that I am in a class alone and other people just aren't going to understand what I am going through because they aren't there and never will be. Even when I talk to my therapist I feel like I am talking to a brick wall, people just don't get it, and she doesn't either. I'm pretty much on an island by myself, which is difficult.

I almost weight less currently than the weight I have lost, most people don't lose a full grown adult male in weight, and of the people that do lose that much, a lot of them have so much to lose, they are still morbidly obese after losing this much.

So anyway I got a 2nd job for skin removal, because I can't see living like this much longer, beyond vanity it is terribly uncomfortable.

Now there's a response I can understand. Well the self image, lots of weight loss, and body frustration parts. Not sure that heavy or not...I'm all that good looking, but I'm a nice guy...I'm trying to treat others like I want to be treated. Just do what it takes to make you happy, that's all you can do. And those around you will be happy with you if they care about you really. Sounds like you were beautiful no matter what size you were. Be happy...

Sent from Larry's S7

[veryblessed 151]

Thanks dash of pixie dust for bringing up this subject. I have been thinking about it also because my husband left me 4 days post op (blessing in disguise now I know after all he did behind my back), but when ready will get back out there dating & become intimate again. I have some lose skin but do like my body a lot better now & all of you have given me ideas when happens again someday to make myself more comfortable like with lingerie & lightening. It was really nice to hear from guys point of view also because in a woman's mind men are so attracted more visually & women more emotionally attracted. I believe that is also why I think women no matter how we look have more insecurities about our bodies. Thanks all for making me feel better about the possible future with a man again & will be ready when time is right.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

[larry971 279]

Thanks dash of pixie dust for bringing up this subject. I have been thinking about it also because my husband left me 4 days post op (blessing in disguise now I know after all he did behind my back), but when ready will get back out there dating & become intimate again. I have some lose skin but do like my body a lot better now & all of you have given me ideas when happens again someday to make myself more comfortable like with lingerie & lightening. It was really nice to hear from guys point of view also because in a woman's mind men are so attracted more visually & women more emotionally attracted. I believe that is also why I think women no matter how we look have more insecurities about our bodies. Thanks all for making me feel better about the possible future with a man again & will be ready when time is right.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

I know that feeling...mine was a lot more complicated and not about cheating...but it was done and left me with virtually nothing.

Sent from Larry's S7

[veryblessed 151]

Thanks dash of pixie dust for bringing up this subject. I have been thinking about it also because my husband left me 4 days post op (blessing in disguise now I know after all he did behind my back), but when ready will get back out there dating & become intimate again. I have some lose skin but do like my body a lot better now & all of you have given me ideas when happens again someday to make myself more comfortable like with lingerie & lightening. It was really nice to hear from guys point of view also because in a woman's mind men are so attracted more visually & women more emotionally attracted. I believe that is also why I think women no matter how we look have more insecurities about our bodies. Thanks all for making me feel better about the possible future with a man again & will be ready when time is right.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

I know that feeling...mine was a lot more complicated and not about cheating...but it was done and left me with virtually nothing.

Sent from Larry's S7

Yea it is difficult going through recovery & divorce at same time. I uncovered a lot of stuff after he left. Posted to talk on here & got so much support that help me through it. I posted question on if spouse left after surgery to see how others dealt with things & got great support & pixie dust post help me too with question for future too. Hard enough dating in 40s again but plus after surgery too. Just taking it all one day at a time.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

[larry971 279]

Thanks dash of pixie dust for bringing up this subject. I have been thinking about it also because my husband left me 4 days post op (blessing in disguise now I know after all he did behind my back), but when ready will get back out there dating & become intimate again. I have some lose skin but do like my body a lot better now & all of you have given me ideas when happens again someday to make myself more comfortable like with lingerie & lightening. It was really nice to hear from guys point of view also because in a woman's mind men are so attracted more visually & women more emotionally attracted. I believe that is also why I think women no matter how we look have more insecurities about our bodies. Thanks all for making me feel better about the possible future with a man again & will be ready when time is right.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

I know that feeling...mine was a lot more complicated and not about cheating...but it was done and left me with virtually nothing.

Sent from Larry's S7

Yea it is difficult going through recovery & divorce at same time. I uncovered a lot of stuff after he left. Posted to talk on here & got so much support that help me through it. I posted question on if spouse left after surgery to see how others dealt with things & got great support & pixie dust post help me too with question for future too. Hard enough dating in 40s again but plus after surgery too. Just taking it all one day at a time.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

Believe me...I know the feeling...We lost our 19 y/o son to cancer a little over a year ago. She gave up, and quit working...I wasn't making much money (Disney). So she decided to move back to her parents. We get along ok. But I'm doing good and much happier. I'm doing good physically, financially and mentally I'm getting there. I'm not a stud muffin, but I'm sure there's someone who is waiting for me to spend life with.

Sent from Larry's S7

[veryblessed 151]

Thanks dash of pixie dust for bringing up this subject. I have been thinking about it also because my husband left me 4 days post op (blessing in disguise now I know after all he did behind my back), but when ready will get back out there dating & become intimate again. I have some lose skin but do like my body a lot better now & all of you have given me ideas when happens again someday to make myself more comfortable like with lingerie & lightening. It was really nice to hear from guys point of view also because in a woman's mind men are so attracted more visually & women more emotionally attracted. I believe that is also why I think women no matter how we look have more insecurities about our bodies. Thanks all for making me feel better about the possible future with a man again & will be ready when time is right.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

I know that feeling...mine was a lot more complicated and not about cheating...but it was done and left me with virtually nothing.

Sent from Larry's S7

Yea it is difficult going through recovery & divorce at same time. I uncovered a lot of stuff after he left. Posted to talk on here & got so much support that help me through it. I posted question on if spouse left after surgery to see how others dealt with things & got great support & pixie dust post help me too with question for future too. Hard enough dating in 40s again but plus after surgery too. Just taking it all one day at a time.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

Believe me...I know the feeling...We lost our 19 y/o son to cancer a little over a year ago. She gave up, and quit working...I wasn't making much money (Disney). So she decided to move back to her parents. We get along ok. But I'm doing good and much happier. I'm doing good physically, financially and mentally I'm getting there. I'm not a stud muffin, but I'm sure there's someone who is waiting for me to spend life with.

Sent from Larry's S7

Sorry for your loss. Not an easy thing. I think there is someone for everyone. You are on a better path now sounds like - just keep staying focused on the positives, what I try to do also now. God bless.

Sent from my SM-S902L using the BariatricPal App

[Dashofpixiedust8 1,469]

@@OutsideMatchInside I can understand where you are coming from. I am still about 135 pounds from goal still, I'm only 7 months post op, but once I'm there I'll have lost 340 pounds. That's more than some people who get the surgery even weigh. The hanging skin is going to be terrible and I am starting to save now for plastic surgery.

I also feel alone in this a lot of the time. Even on here because many people here have 100 pounds to lose. That's not to say what they go through is any less but it's a different experience than what I am going through.

I'm happy with my decision to do the surgery and I'm so much happier with myself with hanging skin than the extra weight, at least with clothes on. I didn't really feel self conscious about my body when I was so overweight during sex in the past. This is an odd feeling for me. I think it may also be because I took a 5 year break from dating and sex before getting the surgery.

I also feel like dating now is so much worse than it used to be. It's hard out there. I feel like internet dating has made it both easier and harder to meet someone. Easier because you can meet people who you wouldn't normally interact with and harder because there are so many options people flit around from person to person as if scared there might be something better out there and not wanting to settle.

I hope you can get the money saved up for surgery soon so you can be more comfortable, physically and emotionally.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Dashofpixiedust8

I still want to lose another 20-35 pounds. Putting me right at or close to 200 pounds lost.

Most of the people that post here or have WLS in general now have around 100 lbs or so to lose. And I agree, losing 100 pounds is no easy feat but it nothing like having to lose the big numbers. Most people will never have to lose the big numbers. Being super morbidly obese puts you in a class by yourself. I never even knew I was super morbidly obese until I started this jorney, I just thought I was normal fat, lol. So when someone here who was 250 tries to lecture me that I should wear my loose skin as a badge of honor, I want to punch them in the face. The amount of lose skin someone who started 100 pounds lower than I did is going to be nothing like that skin I have so they really shouldn't comment unless they are in my shoes.

I too, took a break from dating and sex before surgery, concentrating on my business and some other achievements. The hormone flood after surgery kind of forced me into the dating world, even though I wasn't ready. It is much harder now, dating strangers online than dating in the past. In the past I date people I met through work or college, and they knew me. I felt like in the past most men that wanted to date me, wanted to date me because of my personality and other character attributes and now they just want to date me because I am "beautiful". I don't feel beautiful, at least with my clothes off, so it makes me feel like a fraud.

Like I said before, most people that have WLS are older and married or now they are young and haven't been obese that long. There aren't many people in my boat and I feel very alone in my journey. I just working on accepting that I am alone and being okay with it.

[larry971 279]

@@Dashofpixiedust8

I still want to lose another 20-35 pounds. Putting me right at or close to 200 pounds lost.

Most of the people that post here or have WLS in general now have around 100 lbs or so to lose. And I agree, losing 100 pounds is no easy feat but it nothing like having to lose the big numbers. Most people will never have to lose the big numbers. Being super morbidly obese puts you in a class by yourself. I never even knew I was super morbidly obese until I started this jorney, I just thought I was normal fat, lol. So when someone here who was 250 tries to lecture me that I should wear my loose skin as a badge of honor, I want to punch them in the face. The amount of lose skin someone who started 100 pounds lower than I did is going to be nothing like that skin I have so they really shouldn't comment unless they are in my shoes.

I too, took a break from dating and sex before surgery, concentrating on my business and some other achievements. The hormone flood after surgery kind of forced me into the dating world, even though I wasn't ready. It is much harder now, dating strangers online than dating in the past. In the past I date people I met through work or college, and they knew me. I felt like in the past most men that wanted to date me, wanted to date me because of my personality and other character attributes and now they just want to date me because I am "beautiful". I don't feel beautiful, at least with my clothes off, so it makes me feel like a fraud.

Like I said before, most people that have WLS are older and married or now they are young and haven't been obese that long. There aren't many people in my boat and I feel very alone in my journey. I just working on accepting that I am alone and being okay with it.

I have lost 145lbs now and have about 65 to go. I figure everyones journey is there own...so as I try not to judge. I do think finding someone who has been through this may be a good choice as you have common ground from which to build a new life. I'm 45 so I'm not spring chicken and I don't want to wait to long. But sometimes it's tough dealing with people who haven't been through this...sometimes it's very frustrating.

Sent from Larry's S7

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@larry971

All of my friends feel like I should just be happy to be pretty, in good healthy and not look my age. So they don't understand my issues. So I just stopped talking to them about it.

[larry971 279]

@@larry971

All of my friends feel like I should just be happy to be pretty, in good healthy and not look my age. So they don't understand my issues. So I just stopped talking to them about it.

I can understand. I get the "I feel bad because you can't eat all this stuff" constantly. I'm like I am happy with my decision...quit feeling bad, and let it go. I don't have the beautiful problem lol...or handsome....but I feel better and can do tons more than I could even 6 months ago.

Sent from Larry's S7

[larry971 279]

@@larry971

All of my friends feel like I should just be happy to be pretty, in good healthy and not look my age. So they don't understand my issues. So I just stopped talking to them about it.

You do have me curious as to what you look like now...lol

Sent from Larry's S7

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I can even whip up a little arm sleeve thing similar to some belly dance costume pieces I used to make, with spandex lace if the batwings get too flappy.

I've seen TV ads for a long-sleeved, shrug-type top, probably midriff-baring, made from sheer or lacy stretch fabric, designed to hold in flapping arms. They're shown worn under sleeveless dresses for evening or day. IMNHO, they looked pretty cheesy as clothing, but might work for whoring around. I don't recall the product or company name, but I think it's the one that had advertised a bra that looks somewhat like a sports bra, is a pullover and appears to have no support but the claim was that it gave great support. Maybe someone else will know the name.

[jess9395 5,449]

@@larry971

You are a man, it isn't the same thing at all. No offense.

I'm glad to see you have overcame adversity and kept your weight loss up.

Sounds like somebody treated you really bad. and believe me I understand about image. It works the other way too. Women don't talk to me because of my size. I actually lost a job because they didn't want a fat man working there. Women can be just as cruel as men. But I don't care how many cruel ones there are because there's a lot of nice good ones out there. And looking in the mirror and seeing your imperfections isn't anything that anyone can change but you. And it's never that easy.

Sent from Larry's S7

Actually I haven't had bad experiences at least not about my looks. My issues are internal. Most men think I am beautiful, actually strikingly beautiful, which is really another problem all together that I am dealing with.

Like I said before, no man I have dated in the past year as said anything at all about my body, they are usually very stuck on how beautiful my face is.

The issue is my own person comfort level with my skin. Suddenly being uncomfortable in your own body is a very weird feeling.

I never had this issue morbidly obese. I would walk around naked around men all the time, sex with the lights on, everything. I was very comfortable with my body. I wasn't one of those fat people that hated myself.

I have lost over 170 pounds, not many people have lost that much weight. That puts me in a class with very few people. People that have lost in the 100 pound range don't have the same issues as people who have lost nearly twice as much. One of the things I am working on with my therapist is learning to accept that I am in a class alone and other people just aren't going to understand what I am going through because they aren't there and never will be. Even when I talk to my therapist I feel like I am talking to a brick wall, people just don't get it, and she doesn't either. I'm pretty much on an island by myself, which is difficult.

I almost weight less currently than the weight I have lost, most people don't lose a full grown adult male in weight, and of the people that do lose that much, a lot of them have so much to lose, they are still morbidly obese after losing this much.

So anyway I got a 2nd job for skin removal, because I can't see living like this much longer, beyond vanity it is terribly uncomfortable.

It is quite different, I lost 135 and no one looking at me would ever imagine I used to be obese. I can't imagine what dating would be like.

I do hope you are able to raise the money for surgery. It is truly life changing.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[theantichick 2,204]

I can even whip up a little arm sleeve thing similar to some belly dance costume pieces I used to make, with spandex lace if the batwings get too flappy.

I've seen TV ads for a long-sleeved, shrug-type top, probably midriff-baring, made from sheer or lacy stretch fabric, designed to hold in flapping arms. They're shown worn under sleeveless dresses for evening or day. IMNHO, they looked pretty cheesy as clothing, but might work for whoring around. I don't recall the product or company name, but I think it's the one that had advertised a bra that looks somewhat like a sports bra, is a pullover and appears to have no support but the claim was that it gave great support. Maybe someone else will know the name.

Yeah I've seen them, and will probably order a couple, but they don't have the color/fabric options I want. They look a lot like the choli tops I made when I was building my belly dance costumes. I found a place online to get spandex fabric including stretch lace, so I'll start experimenting. Maybe it'll even be a side business! LOL.

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