Body image and sex

[FunkyMunkyBrat 205]

My husband assures me that guys by and large (no pun intended) don't care about any of the stuff women care about. They are getting laid, and that makes it all good in their book. LOL.

I have given a lot of thought to the hanging skin. I know I'd rather have that than the fat, but I don't know that I'll ever really come to love it.

However, I am damned good at costuming. LOL. Quality lingerie can hide a multitude of sins, rolls, and whatnot. And there's nothing like french lace to make you feel pretty, IMNSHO. I will be finding what lingerie styles camouflage the stuff I don't like seeing, and having fun collecting pieces for my "naughty" wardrobe. I can even whip up a little arm sleeve thing similar to some belly dance costume pieces I used to make, with spandex lace if the batwings get too flappy.

I think it's a matter of finding what will help *you* be OK with (or maybe even love) the way you look, and the right guy will love it. You'll have a whole new body to dress and play with, enjoy it!!

Damnrite !!!!

That's how I roll, too.............I wear camo garb to bed and try to provide the whole Duck Dynasty experience......or is it Duck DieNasty. My beard could use a little work.....perhaps if I let it grow long enough It'd hide things well, too.

Combination of camo and low lighting and is all good at gametime. At that point its all about the right theme music in the background and hoping the arthritis meds kick in at the right times. Geriatric spidermonkey.

It ain't purty, but it's how I roll.

I'm cracking up.. Sounds about purrrfect to me

Munky

[pvechiola 195]

Well speaking for myself, if I was with you and that was a problem for me, then I'm not the one for you. You need someone who likes YOU. Skinny, fat, short, tall, hanging skin...doesn't matter. You need someone who likes you for your heart. I don't know about the rest of you ladies but I've seen a picture of you pixie and you look great. I want someone who likes me....not how I look with them... Find someone who likes your mind and the body will follow.

Sent from Larry's S7

I am so happy I'm not in a relationship right now it seems like people that surround us are the enemy and the ones who should support us the most. Larry978 you're 100% correct if they can't support you no matter what you're going through you don't need them in your life.

Sent from my 0PM92 using the BariatricPal App

[Dub 9,922]

I didn't think that I would see the term "Geriatric spidermonkey" in here. Love it Dub!

I may be damn near geriatric.......and sure as hell bariatric.......but it won't stop me from trying some epic maneuvers.

Arthritis can wait it's time.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[The New Kel 1,312]

@@Dashofpixiedust8,

This is going to come off old-fashioned but it's my perspective. If you become interested in a guy and he feels the same, I would take it slow and get to know each other very, very well before intimacy. Talk about your history, and how you have come a long way to be heathy. If he is really into you, he's not going to give a crap about loose skin.

Just my 2 cents!

[Dashofpixiedust8 1,469]

Thank you everyone for all the input and suggestions. I do think it's probably more of a *me* thing than what a guy would think.

@@theantichick that's true about lingerie, that's a good suggestion. I will look into some.

@ Thank you for the compliments, that was sweet of you.

@@larry971 Thank you, I am trying to find someone who will love me for me. It's hard to get over my own insecurities though.

@@MindyMe congratulations on your soon to be nuptials. I understand part of your anxiety.

@@Dub hahaha! That sounds so romantic.

@@The New Kel I am trying to take it slow with the guys I meet up with. I'm not looking to rush into anything sexual but it's a big concern for me so I wanted to hear other's opinions

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[larry971 279]

Thank you everyone for all the input and suggestions. I do think it's probably more of a *me* thing than what a guy would think.

@@theantichick that's true about lingerie, that's a good suggestion. I will look into some.

@ Thank you for the compliments, that was sweet of you.

@@larry971 Thank you, I am trying to find someone who will love me for me. It's hard to get over my own insecurities though.

@@MindyMe congratulations on your soon to be nuptials. I understand part of your anxiety.

@@Dub hahaha! That sounds so romantic.

@@The New Kel I am trying to take it slow with the guys I meet up with. I'm not looking to rush into anything sexual but it's a big concern for me so I wanted to hear other's opinions

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Hi, Pixiedust...That smile alone should be enough to win any decent guys heart. You look beautiful...don't let insecurity stop you from finding happiness.

Sent from Larry's S7

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Just like I said on the first page. No one that responded to this thread has been out here dating in the past 2 years.

With the internet people have infinite choices when it comes to dating. It is competitive and brutal.

All this kumbaya pat on the back crap from people that have been married since the 80s or 90s is useless. It is a completely different world.

Edited January 7, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[larry971 279]

Just like I said on the first page. No one that responded to this thread has been out here dating in the past 2 years.

With the internet people have infinite choices when it comes to dating. It is competitive and brutal.

All this kumbaya pat on the back crap from people that have been married since the 80s or 90s is useless. It is a completely different world.

My Ex and her parents packed the house while I was in surgery. She was gone 2 days later. I had no savings... no anything and I was out of work for a month. My daughter went to NC from Florida with her mom. At the same time my mom, was fighting stage 4 cancer and threw a fit for me to have surgery. So I had to go from homeless and post surgery to helping her and trying to get my life back in order. I have a decent job, all my bills are paid(even helping my brother and his family who are struggling), a nice apartment, and money in the bank. On top of that I've lost almost 146lbs. All since September. And the dating world is brutal...but I won't let anything get me down...I am spending as much time as I can with my daughter and I'll find the missing parts eventually, the attitude is the key.

Sent from Larry's S7

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@larry971

You are a man, it isn't the same thing at all. No offense.

I'm glad to see you have overcame adversity and kept your weight loss up.

[FunkyMunkyBrat 205]

I'm single, older but single. Instead of focusing on the sagging skin I'm going to have I'm focusing on having my health back and being able to actually live my life again.. Yes, the dating world is brutal.. And I've been in the world of hookups n all that.. After going through what I have the past few years with my health I'd already mad the decision that I don't want to be with anyone that just wants to F**K they have to be someone that would enjoy my company whether they were sleeping with me or not.. Part of the problem when you're a plus size woman (usually) you don't have any confidence in yourself.. You have to learn to love yourself no matter what you look like..

Munky

[AvaFern 3,516]

@@Dashofpixiedust8

You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker.

Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them.

As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.

[larry971 279]

@@larry971

You are a man, it isn't the same thing at all. No offense.

I'm glad to see you have overcame adversity and kept your weight loss up.

Sounds like somebody treated you really bad. and believe me I understand about image. It works the other way too. Women don't talk to me because of my size. I actually lost a job because they didn't want a fat man working there. Women can be just as cruel as men. But I don't care how many cruel ones there are because there's a lot of nice good ones out there. And looking in the mirror and seeing your imperfections isn't anything that anyone can change but you. And it's never that easy.

Sent from Larry's S7

[LittleBill 2,231]

I hate to break it to some of you experts here, but the dating world has ALWAYS been brutal, even for us cavemen who had to do it back when the earth was still cooling. The methods may have changed, but human nature has remained pretty much the same for the past 5000 years.

[Dashofpixiedust8 1,469]

@@larry971 Thank you, that is very sweet of you. I am also sorry you have had to go through so much, I hope things are getting better!

@@FunkyMunkyBrat it's true, gaining self confidence is hard.

@@AvaFern I really appreciate your input. I guess very few women (if any) are comfortable being naked in front of others. I have been overweight since I was 3 years old, I know my extra skin situation is just going to get worse. I guess it's just a battle I'm going to have with my self confidence. It's true that the more confidence you show, the less others will care about the "imperfections" you see in yourself.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@larry971

You are a man, it isn't the same thing at all. No offense.

I'm glad to see you have overcame adversity and kept your weight loss up.

Sounds like somebody treated you really bad. and believe me I understand about image. It works the other way too. Women don't talk to me because of my size. I actually lost a job because they didn't want a fat man working there. Women can be just as cruel as men. But I don't care how many cruel ones there are because there's a lot of nice good ones out there. And looking in the mirror and seeing your imperfections isn't anything that anyone can change but you. And it's never that easy.

Sent from Larry's S7

Actually I haven't had bad experiences at least not about my looks. My issues are internal. Most men think I am beautiful, actually strikingly beautiful, which is really another problem all together that I am dealing with.

Like I said before, no man I have dated in the past year as said anything at all about my body, they are usually very stuck on how beautiful my face is.

The issue is my own person comfort level with my skin. Suddenly being uncomfortable in your own body is a very weird feeling.

I never had this issue morbidly obese. I would walk around naked around men all the time, sex with the lights on, everything. I was very comfortable with my body. I wasn't one of those fat people that hated myself.

I have lost over 170 pounds, not many people have lost that much weight. That puts me in a class with very few people. People that have lost in the 100 pound range don't have the same issues as people who have lost nearly twice as much. One of the things I am working on with my therapist is learning to accept that I am in a class alone and other people just aren't going to understand what I am going through because they aren't there and never will be. Even when I talk to my therapist I feel like I am talking to a brick wall, people just don't get it, and she doesn't either. I'm pretty much on an island by myself, which is difficult.

I almost weight less currently than the weight I have lost, most people don't lose a full grown adult male in weight, and of the people that do lose that much, a lot of them have so much to lose, they are still morbidly obese after losing this much.

So anyway I got a 2nd job for skin removal, because I can't see living like this much longer, beyond vanity it is terribly uncomfortable.