In need of some relatively long-term stories!

[recreatingcate 132]

So, I have to have the sit down chat with my dad soon. I'll have a date shortly and will need to tell him. I've posted this story before but real quick - I was supposed to have surgery five years ago, when I was 19. I was still on his insurance, and my mom and I thought it would be best to wait until everything was set and ready to go before we told him what was happening, that way we could answer all his questions and could give him a time and date that it was happening, ect. He operates best under those circumstances, but he flew off the handle, and canceled my surgery 48 hours before it was to happen.

Needless to say, he probably won't be super thrilled about it this time around. However, a few things are different now: I no longer live at home, have my own insurance, and am financially independent from my dad. I do not want this to be the thing that completely dissolves my relationship with my dad, but would also not be able to go through with it without him having knowledge that it's happening.

So please throw your positive stories my way!! I would like to be able to show him all of your successes, if we even get that far. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and will do this with or without him in my corner, but having him there would be nice. Also, any advice on how to deal with a stubborn, recovering alcoholic (five years clean and sober, go dad!), I'll take that too!

TIA!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

There are tons of stories here, use search.

Honestly your Dad knows and loves you. He isn't going to care about some random strangers on the internet and their story.

If you want to have surgery, then have it and tell him afterward. Like you said you are an adult and independent.

[Hollyhock 62]

Wow that's really hard. How did he quit alcohol? Did he have support or go to treatment or need medication? You could tell him that obesity and alcoholism are both metabolic illnesses and that obesity changes the way your body responds to food. Surgery is a tool that helps eliminate excess hunger and craving. Did he rely on any tools or supports such as twelve steps, therapies, or medications?

Some people manage to quit alcohol without ever addressing the behaviors that accompanied it. If that is what is going on, there isn't much you can do about it. In that case, it is his problem and his loss. You need to pursue your own life and dreams. Chances are, he will eventually become curious.

His control issue is not your problem. You didn't cause it. He needs to resolve that on his own.

[ddkVSG 32]

I just waited and told my dad after it was all done. I'm grown and I dont need his permission or even blessing.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Hollyhock 62]

There are tons of stories here, use search.

Honestly your Dad knows and loves you. He isn't going to care about some random strangers on the internet and their story.

If you want to have surgery, then have it and tell him afterward. Like you said you are an adult and independent.

It's really hard to say what somebody else's father feels or is going to do. Sometimes relatives, even fathers, have issues, and in families where alcoholism or addiction is present, family members try to tiptoe around it, thinking it is their own fault. It is important to be able to live our own lives, but we shouldn't forget how hard or painful it can be to separate yourself from someone you love, especially a parent. There are costs to following one's path, but in the end, the cost is worth it.

[BigDog Bryan 262]

Begin by telling him that you are following his courageous example of making a life change for the better. Thank him for showing you how to be strong and committed to do what is necessary to be a healthier and better you. Also remind him that you are his child, and this is how the determination that he taught you has bloomed in your life.

Remind him that he didn't ask your permission to become sober, but you are SO PROUD of him. Also remember that you are his "little girl" and he may be dealing with the reality that you are now a grown woman (not always easy for us fathers of you twenty somethings). Don't forget to thank him again for the courage to change, and give him a kiss no matter what.

BTW, my story for you - I has the surgery 14 months ago and I am down about 130 pounds, and pants have shrunk by 14 inches, and I am off of all diabetic medications. My shirts (were a 5X) are no longer "Big and Tall", and I can sit in a booth at a diner. I call that a success story for you to use as you see fit

Edited January 6, 2017 by BigDog Bryan

[dodlbug 23]

I was going through the process and was scheduled when I told my dad, too. The only thing he could do was lose his cool, so he had his fit, talked to Mom, and realized, even though he feared something might go wrong for me, this was my last chance at having a healthier life.

He still doesn't understand all the diet restrictions, but he's not the one who went through surgery, so all he has to know is I'm alright. And, I'll get better.

I started my journey this time at 42 years of age and 337 pounds. That is close the the highest I have ever been and I didn't want to see 350.

Sent from my SM-G900P using the BariatricPal App

[recreatingcate 132]

Thanks, everyone!

@@Hollyhock, he's utilizing AA, but not the steps. He goes to meetings and leans on others for support, but does not share his journey with his family. My mom died without ever getting the apology she always believed she deserved (and rightly so). Your last sentence really hit the nail on the head though, that his control issue is not my problem. You're so right.

@@BigDog Bryan, thank you for that! I needed to read that more then I knew, so thank you. Congrats on your success!! It's difficult for me, because I want to live my own life, and have worked so hard to be so fiercely independent as I am. But at the same time, it would be nice for my dad to recognize that I'm still his kid, no matter my age. I guess we shall see..

@@dodlbug, At my heaviest, I was in shock when I looked at the scale. I was sure someone was playing a prank on me. My doctor told me I was knocking on diabetes' door, and that I had to get it together, so here I am!! Hopefully my dad will also have his fit and then get over it!! PS - My mom called me doodle bug when I was growing up. I think that's what your user name says too!!