SO many questions![emoji30]

[JustMe2017 14]

I have my initial consult next week. I will be self pay in Washington state. (Anyone in the same boat, please message me). I am 5' 8" 245. I have been miserable for years. I don't think I'm scared of surgery or recovery. I think I am scared of what happens if I "miss" the food or if I can't be "me" in a new (thinner) body. I want so badly to be healthy and fit, to be comfortable and confident in new skin. I'm just scared of all the change. Does that sound dumb? Does anyone know how long between initial consult and scheduled surgery for self pay? I'm SO ready, but SO worried about the "after" issues....Any help is seriously appreciated!!!

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Edited January 5, 2017 by JustMe2017

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

It doesn't sound the least dumb. It sounds ambivalent. I think that, if you were "SO ready," as you say, the other things wouldn't be gnawing at you. Three things jump out of your note.

-- You imply that, at your current weight, you're unhealthy, unfit, uncomfortable in your own skin and lacking confidence. If another person revealed that to you, what would you think?

-- Worry about missing food is something I didn't experience. It occurred to me from the start that I wouldn't mourn either specific foods or vast quantities of food if the result would be getting sick and feeling pain. How or why would a person miss something that becomes thoroughly problematic? Example: If pizza is going to sit above my lapband in the esophagus and hurt like hell for hours, I'm more likely to slap its face and storm off than to cry over it.

-- It's okay to be scared of change. What's not okay is to reject it when it can only be for the good. Try scribbling a numbered list of all the reasons you want to lose weight. They can include the soundest to what may seem the most frivolous. No reason is unworthy if it's what you want for yourself. Phrase them in specific/narrow terms so that your list is long as can be. Example: Instead of combining them into one reason/goal, separate "So that my shoulder bag hangs lower" and "So that my cross-body bag hangs lower." Use a notebook and add to it whenever another reason comes to mind. After you have a fairly lengthy list, read through them and see what you think.

When I was contemplating surgery, depression had me unsure how much I truly cared about losing weight. It's not the same as your thinking, but I used my ambivalence as a deciding factor: "Even if I don't care right now, why not have a head start in case I care very much six months from now?"

Take the time you need to sort it out.

[JamieLogical 8,707]

None of your questions seem dumb to me. It sounds like you are thinking ahead to what your life really might be post-op. It's not all sunshine and roses and easy. It's good to recognize that ahead of time. Change is scary from nearly everyone.

I wanted to talk about the concept of "missing" food. This was a really tough one for me because I was a binge eater and I had some very strong and powerful cravings and emotions built up around certain foods. It was VERY hard for me the first four months or so. My instinct was still to emotionally eat, to binge, and to crave those comfort foods. Even though my stomach was no longer physically capable of any of that, the instinct was still there and powerful. It was frustrating. And it took a long time for my brain to catch up to the limitations of my body. But I *did* eventually get there.

I learned to love quality over quantity as well. I can still enjoy the foods I loved now. I just have very very little of them when I do. And often, I find it's really not worth it. I do occasionally still miss being able to go out for a huge dinner at a nice restaurant or eat a whole pizza while watching a favorite movie. But that feeling of nostalgia is fleeting and doesn't make even a tiny dent in all the amazing benefits of having had the surgery. The trade off was WELL worth it!