VGS 11/02/16. Lost 66 lbs, regained 30, need help!

[Catahoula Mom 11]

I had VGS surgery November 2, 2015. Things were not as I expected from day 1. I had attended all the required information sessions and so-called support group meetings which only ever consisted of being presented with journal articles proving what we all already know- fast food and sugar and junk food make you fat.

The first thing I wasn’t prepared for was how painful and utterly miserable it would be to try to drink 100 oz of Water starting immediately post-op, as was required by my surgeon in order to be released to go home. I was told I had esophageal spasming making it difficult for me. This however, did not buy me any consideration in the required Water intake. I really couldn’t do it. I wound up dumping a portion of the water down the sink in order to get to go home. I didn’t expect difficulty in maintaining water intake post-op because I already drank at least 64 oz a day before ever considering surgery. I thought it would be no problem since I was already used to it.

The next thing that didn’t go as expected was hunger. I was told that most people don’t feel hunger for up to 2 years post-op. Mine never went away, not for one day. I was told it was head hunger or acid reflux. I learned the difference between acid and hunger, and let’s be real- head hunger is as bad or worse than a growling tummy, and at times indistinguishable. I did lose 66 lbs over the first several months despite eating off diet for a good part. I am incapable of eating as much as pre-op, tho I now eat twice as much as I did 6 months ago.

This brings me to the main point I wish I knew before surgery. I actually asked once, when it was described to me how little I would be able to consume- how I would ever be able to stop losing weight- it didn’t seem like enough to live on! The answer I got was, “Oh, you’d be surprised how little you need to live.” The reason I was not told, is that the surgery changes your metabolism in such a way that you can actually easily gain weight back by eating off diet. Your body acclimates to it’s new intake by adjusting so that you gain just like you did before.

And as they did, to their credit, warn me- surgery does not fix the real problem- behavior. I still crave the sweets, pizza, etc., I craved before surgery. I still don’t have the ability to make myself eat healthy all the time- if I did, I’d never have become morbidly obese in the first place. The biggest disappointment is that my money would have been MUCH better spent on a shrink that deals with food addiction. Or a new central heat and air system.

I went ahead with surgery because I was desperate. I know that if I knew then what I know now, I likely would have gone ahead with it out of desperation. I just wish I knew so that I could have been prepared. Especially for the diarrhea and sharts which occur in the a.m before I even eat off diet. I’ve gained 30 lbs back since September, mostly due to holiday sweets, but I find it sorely disappointing that I can gain like this and yet I will never be satisfied after a meal again. I will never eat at a favorite restaurant again for fear of overindulging or at best not getting to eat what I really want. I can’t tell you how much I miss the fried chicken and mashed potatoes at Jim’s Diner. And waffles, oh waffles… OK, I have to stop this line of thinking. Back to the subject at hand. What was the subject? Brain stuck on Jim’s…

So much I wish I knew. But I have to accept these things and move ahead. And I have proven to myself that I cannot do it alone. Maybe I can’t do it at all. But I need to at least try to get the support I need.

I hope someday I can update this post and have a totally (mostly?) positive update. Any help or genuine advice is welcome. Please don’t tell me to think about why I had surgery in the first place. I think about it every minute of every day. I am painfully aware of what I should be doing and that I can’t make myself do it. I am out of control. As of today, I have a fridge full of ingredients for on-diet meals. I joined the Bariatric Foodie challenge. I just spent $600 on credit that I shouldn’t have, to get a 3 in 1 exercise machine. I had a membership to a local gym, but after over a year of $20/mo and not going, I finally went and cancelled it. Wish I would have got the home equipment in the first place. But now I’m set to give myself half a chance at success. Help me to find the other half. Please.

[Babbs 14,681]

I suggest you return you $600 3 and 1 machine and use that money for therapy for your obvious food issues. We all have them. We just have to find ways to work with them and overcome them the best we can. You're struggling, and therapy for you I think would really help you understand why you feel you don't deserve to live a healthy life and want to turn to food for comfort. A therapist or counselor can give you the proper tools to work with, and if you utilize them, it can really help.

That being said, don't panic! All is not lost. You still have that great tool you can work with. Go back to what worked in the beginning, following the "rules" of WLS.

Protein, Protein, protein. This helps with hunger and keeps you fuller longer. At least 90 grams a day.

Fluids, fluids, fluids. No calorie/no calorie fluids to keep things nice and lubricated and moving along. You pee a lot, and it helps with weight loss. Find anything you like that's low/no calories that you can drink. I drink herbal teas, coffee, flavored squirty stuff in my Water to get my 64oz in. And I hate it. But it has to be done.

The best way to kick sweets and carbs like bread, rice and crackers is to just cut them out completely. Period. Sure you're white knuckling it for the first couple weeks, but once you get past the hump, the cravings subside and you almost forget even wanting them.

I eat clean, stay mostly away from processed foods, but I eat as much lean protein (and sometimes not so lean) as I want. I eat butter, full fat cheese, full fat mayo, dressings, bacon, etc. The payoff for not eating sweets and white carbs often is eating this way, and it keeps me satisfied and I don't feel like I'm being deprived. You should try it.

We can't find the motivation for you, but we can help by giving you suggestions for success. There's mine.

Good Luck!

[Rachel79uk 31]

This hass really scared me about having mine done. It sounds absolutely terrible??? I really don't know what to say? You sound desperate xx

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[newlife9-27 37]

Do it. It is not magic but a tool. I had mine 9-27 and have lost almost 50 lbs. There are some bumps but I would do it again in a heartbeat. Losing the weight is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I like me now.

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[Babbs 14,681]

@@Rachel79uk

Why be scared? She did a good job losing almost 70 pounds dispite not being completely prepared for the reality of the surgery. She's had a set back. So what? Life is full of them. We have to learn to navigate our new lives around those set backs, and if we can't do it on our own, we get help so we can.

The reality of it is this:

You MUST change your lifestyle or it won't work. Period.

You MUST change your relationship with food or it won't work. Period.

You MUST find the motivation to keep going when life doesn't cooperate, or when we get 'behavior fatigue' or it won't work. Period.

You MUST feel enough self worth to know you DESERVE to be healthy and happy, or it won't work. Period.

The surgery is such a small part of the equation, really.

[NWJill 119]

First off, we all deal with food cravings and bad choices, no matter where you are in your journey. I guess my question is why did you make the choice for surgery in the first place? Because there are the things you want and then there are the things you REALLY want. I may be different from some on this board but I think there are no foods off limits, but you have to find ways to make better choices to make those foods into healthy options. For example, You say you love fried chicken and mashed potatoes, so make your own, I take breast tenders and use Panko (or use a crushed up high Protein flake cereal) and spices to make a baked chicken tender. You have lots of choices for the potato, smash a red potato with seasonings and a little cheese, or try sweet potato mash or cauliflower. I know in the past when I was out of control I would take one thing at a time and take control of it, so start by getting all your Water in, then keep that going and add in Protein, etc. Good luck and I hope you can find your path

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[Catahoula Mom 11]

Thanks to all for the input. I actually do get all my Water in, and I eat healthy at mealtime, it's in between meals mostly at work that I fall apart. Babbs' point "You MUST change your relationship with food or it won't work. Period." is the issue. I am looking at insurance covered options for the therapy part I seem to be missing out on. Additionally, I don't have a personal support system. That's a huge part I think. I didn't think I needed one since I've always been very independent. And at first I didn't.

[jellybean12 65]

Oh, I really feel for you and can so relate. Just a little over 2 months from my surgery date and I already feel the struggles with the sweets addiction/cravings. I didn't realize how easy those sweets would go down!

Even before therapy, if you haven't read any Geneen Roth books, perhaps take a look at her stuff. And The Self-Compassion Diet by Jean Fain. Both those authors make a lot of sense to me.

Take care, be gentle with yourself, and remember that you've overcome obstacles before and you can do it again!