No Sex In 9 Years

[Melbear 0]

Hi guys, thanks for starting this thread. It's nice to be able to talk freely without anyone knowing me and therefore judging me. I've been struggling with my weight now for over 10 years. I have two wonderful children 9 & 13 - I'm separated and to be really honest haven't had sex with anyone for 9 years - purely because well..... I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror let alone having anyone else get that close. If anyone classifies for being a born again virgin I'm it....Looking back though it gets pretty depressing not having that intimacy and knowing its only because of self esteem issues. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m too busy and I don’t want any of my time taken away from the kids. I also grew up with 3 brothers who always called me a &@^#%*$ ugly mole. Then of course there was my ex husband who was the first (at age 22) and only guy who I’ve ever had sex with (no I'm not religious). After two pregnancies all I got from him was fat ugly *^#$% - he later confessed to having an affair for every year we were together (9 in total) - my best friend included. Unfortunately you start believing that you’re worthless. More so though, I think the weight issue and bingeing is more of a protection issue - you know - if I'm big no one will find me attractive therefore I'm safe from being hurt again. I’ve never been bulimic but I have used every type of pill out there to control my weight.

Anyway bla bla bla bla....... here I am a self paying Aussie lapster (approx $11K) and I'm still unsure of whether to do it or not - I know I don't want to look back in another 10 years regretting that I didn't go for the op.... I guess that’s why I'm here - to get your support, to forge ahead into new frontiers, new experiences, new hope, new friendships...... I wish everyone one here all the success that they deserve...

I'm scheduled in for the 5th October. I weigh 100kg (220 pounds) and I'm 176cms with a BMI of 33. My weaknesses: chocolate, coke and of course large serves.....

Talk to you soon.

M

[babs0101 1]

Melbear, welcome to the Oct. bandsters. I too am having my band surgery on Oct. 5th. I am excited about it. Don't listen to people who call you names. To hell with them. Do this for you and for your children. You will feel better and get your self esteem back. You are beautiful and you need to realize that.

Keep posting and I will do the same and we can be band buddies. Best of luck to you.

[BluesByrd 0]

Melbear - I'll tell ya' one thing: you've got friends here! Talk to us, we'll listen. This is a journey you won't have to take alone.

[Freebigbennow 0]

I have not given up on sex, but I have found that I don't enjoy it as much now as I did when I was smaller. There's the whole huffing and puffing thing because I am so big. And All the positions just don't work the same as they used to. And what skinny girl wants to have sex with a 300 lb guy? Two fat people doing it just aint pretty. :kiss2:So I think I will just hold out till I lose A FEW pounds.

[OregonHolly 0]

"Fat sex" gives a whole new meaning to the term "ROCK & ROLL!"

[ParaGirl 71]

First of all Melbear, that a-hole ex hubby needs to get a look at you after you lose all that weight so he can eat his heart out. I certainly wouldnt mind knocking a few of his teeth out for ya! We are all worth this, worth the money and the time it will take to get ourselves healthy and smaller.

Just make sure you take care of you, don't let anyone allow you to feel bad about yourself again. You have two little ones to look after and you want to be around for them, this surgery will help insure that.

[want2beme 2]

Well, even though I'm fat, I still get laid once in a while! haha... BUT, it's been a LOOONNNNGGGGGGGG time. About 6 months. I feel the same way. If I don't like looking at me, why would I expect anybody else to? Gross!

Funny thing, with every pound lost, there's an increase on the horney meter! Weird huh!

Just had to throw that in there!!!! lol

[tizen33 0]

I also have an ex husband who cheated on me... a lot. And I also feel or wonder if I've used my weight as a defense mechanism. There's nothing like saying I do and really believing it's forever and then going through the betrayal of a spouse. I really believe it's messed with my little head. I also believe that being aware of this and through support and journaling we can heal.

Becoming attractive again kinda freaks me out. I've always been one of those that the minute people start to compliment me on my weight loss I pack the pounds right back on (plus a few to boot usually). So I've really been working on my head to try to figure out how to stop myself from self destructing once I'm banded. I really believe we have to go through just as much mentally as we will physically for the band to be successful. and I believe we can all find our sexy selves again-

My second husband has only known me as heavy. We usually have sex 3-4 times a year although it has been 8 months now. I used to be very sexual and I almost feel sorry for him once I get my mojo back. Poor man's not gonna know what's hit him!:heh:

Good luck on getting yours back!

[emilia12076 0]

I think the same thing yuck,why would anyone want to look at me but then in the same thought I think if he didnt like to see my fatness then he would not be trying to! So everythings good:)

[Melbear 0]

Hi OregonHolly

Hey Melbear, I have you beat: no sex in FIFTEEN years. Yeah, born-again-virgin is right.

Wow 15 years.. I wonder who has the record out there...At this stage it goes to you. Hope you get some again soon one day.

Cheers

MelBear

[Melbear 0]

babs0101;568829]

Thanks for the not of support babs. Howz things going?

I've paid all of my fees now (all $11K), had the blood tests and going in Wed for my preop - at this appointment I'll get fitted for my stockings (to prevent DVT), be weighed etc etc. I'm feeling so uncomfortable - I've been piging out slightly and cant wait to loose some of this weight. Doc said I didn't need to go on any diet pior to the surgery which has been good.

I'm first up on the list at 7am. I haven't told anyone I'm going in - I'm supposed to attend a friends baby shower the day after the op. She's going to be so dark at me for missing it - the surgeon said that a "hernia" would be the best excuse to use - so I'll go for this.

Let me know how you are going.

Cheers

Melbear

[ras141414 0]

Well I hope you have surgery and go forward.

YOUR SELF WORTH WILL IMPROVE AS TIME GOES BY.

YOUR DEPRESSION SHOULD GO AWAY ALSO

YOUR A BEAUTIFUL AND YOUNG PERSON INSIDE AND THE REAL PERSON WILL COME OUT AND BE ALIVE WITH LOVE AND

CARE ONCE YOU SEE THE WEIGHT COME OFF

WHAT THE HECK DOES YOUR X HUSBAND KNOW,

HE CAN SIT ON it.

BE GOOD AND GOOD LUCK WITH SURG......DONT TURN BACK JUST GO FORWARD AND DO WHATEVER YOUR DR SAYS TO DO.

YOUR NEW LIFE IS JUST ABOUT TO BEGIN AND MAYBE A NEW SEX LIFE

DIANE

[Nancy33 0]

Hey melbear,

I sort of blame my cheating ex-husband for my weight problem too but deep down in i know who is to blame. I have to admit

I gained more weight after I got with my current boyfriend. We have been together 13 years and are getting married this May. I think I have been testing him with my weigh gain. Waiting to see if he'll call me names or cheat on me because I'm not who he thinks I should be. He has done none of those things and he's 10 times better looking and nicer than my ex! I am really one lucky girl so I want to get heathy and skinnier to thank him. I can't wait to start life over with him as my husband. I am 49 years old, I lost my brother when he was 48 to a heart condition caused by his health. I now live every day for both of us and I know he is looking down on me and wants only my happiness. I don't have a lot of health issues now, just bad knees and snoring but I don't want any more either.

Hang in there, there is a good person out there for you and everyone else who has written to you. Just remember to except it when he says you are beautiful the way you are, don't punish him for your ex's problems. Don't waste time, make more love!!!!

[JUDE 0]

Hi Melbear, I'm being banded in Sydney on 6th October so you and I will be on the journey together. As to whether you should be banded or not - I really wish that I had been done 10 years ago - I've struggled with weight all through my 40's including extreme dieting on Duramine and low carb diets with B12 injections thrown in. I stayed the same for 3 years then as soon as I was off the pills the weight piled back on plus more - the usual story. You will be fine - you've got the support of others in the same boat who share a lot of your problems. I'm gunning for you. Best of luck. talk soon.

Hi Tizen33, You're the first person to have said that you are afraid of becoming more attractive - it's something that I have grappled with too. It's much easier being fat. You don't have to wonder whether the looks you get are because someone likes you - you know they're just thinking you're fat! Weird isn't it. I take on a whole new persona when I'm thin and frankly it makes me feel vulnerable - it also makes me feel dangerous! I'm looking forward to the journey. bye for now.

[tizen33 0]

Jude~ I too am really looking forward to the journey. And I definately am willing to work on accepting the fact I will be attractive again. I think I even want a boob job when I reach my goal. Being they've already lost their perk I know it's downhill from here!

Good luck with your surgery coming up..... mines a week+ after yours. I'm excited! Take care-

Tina