The Struggle is REAL

[hanbanan27 5]

Hi everybody. My surgery was 12/16 - gastric bypass. I'm feeling ok, just some soreness and overall tiredness.

I am struggling very much with my break up. It happened a month before my surgery. My boyfriend who had spent the past 8 months preparing with me blindsided me and broke up with me. Changed his number, etc. just disappeared. It's been very hard because now that I'm recovering, I am longing for him to be here. I just plain miss him. And since I'm recovering, I can't do much to keep my mind off of it.

I just want to eat. I want to go stuff my face until I feel better about my break up. That's my go to - I didn't get to 465 any other way than emotional eating.

Anyone have any advice? Tips? Helpful comments? All are welcomed.

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[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

The easy part is telling you that the boy's a creep. He's not high enough on the foud chain to qualify as "jerk." He's creepy as in slimy. Darling, you need to toughen up because there's no gentle way to say that the second syllable of "boyfriend" never applied. I'm not clear on whether he actually said, "I'm breaking up with you" or just disappeared into a sewer without a word. Either way, there's something wrong with him.

Stuffing your face won't make anything feel better. All you'll accomplish is falling into a stupor. You know it. If you take a moment to recall how you really felt all those times, it was never "better." It was unconsciousness. Now that you've had surgery, you need to be alert because in these first weeks, there are a lot of changes and instructions to follow.

Would he gain weight for you? It's easy to tell you not to fall into the lifelong habits and a challenge not to fall back into them. You're the one who has to take care of you. You're the one who knows what is right for you. Your surgery is a gift to yourself. Use it.

Edited December 21, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[cassandramarie93 199]

Hey I just wanted to tell you that you're going to be alright. It's never easy to lose someone you've given your heart to- the best thing you can do (in my humble opinion) is just feel it, miss him, feel the pain, embrace it. Emotional eating is just throwing a blanket over something and hoping it disappears the more you deny it the more the pain will swallow you whole. There is no food that can fill the hole in your heart. Only you can do that, you have all the power in the world. Never doubt that. Self love is more empowering and beautiful then any love another soul can give to you. I'm sorry your hurting, truly. Don't lose sight of what you're doing for you it's hard to see now but sometimes our greatest hardships are blessings in disguise. This is your time to shine and the only one you need on your side 110% is YOU. I believe in you.

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[Redmaxx 740]

What an ass he is. I am so sorry that it happened to you in such a bad way at such. It is his loss, not yours. Try to keep a positive attitude and remember, you should always love and believe in yourself.

[NewAdventure2016 131]

You got this!! Mourn the loss and then DECIDE to focus on you. This is YOUR party and he's not invited! It's time to make life about you - making you the healthiest version of you that will give you many healthy years ahead. Just think ... one day he will run into you somewhere and not even recognize you! He will regret his choice most likely eventually, but it's not about that anyway. It's about you! Become your own best friend and the pain will melt away because it's you who you need to love the most right now. Praying for you!

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[theantichick 2,204]

I talked to my therapist last week about what to do when my emotions are wanting food. She asked me what other kinds of things soothe me. She recommended I make a list of these things in my journal, and when I'm wanting food, go to the list and pick something else to try. It could be journaling, watching my favorite movie or show on Netflix, reading my favorite novel, cuddling up with my favorite blanket and teddy bear... nothing is too silly or juvenile because it's usually a hurt kiddo inside that we're actually soothing. It could also be something rhythmic because that soothes part of our brains... like music (listening or playing), crafting (I knit and it's VERY soothing unless it's a lace pattern LOL), or even going for a walk.

So what kinds of other things comfort you?

[10stackzz 184]

You can look at this like...You dropped some unwanted weight, including your boyfriend. Some people are only in your life for a "season". His season was up. This journey your on in your life will be extremely life changing. You will be moving on to bigger and better things. It just might seem like the end of the world because he walked right out of your life..but it's NOT!...This is your "alone" time. Get yo know your self! Your happiness and strength DOES NOT come from him. It comes from within YOU! Don't give him that much credit. If he Loved you? He would not have just threw you away like that...Get tuff, Dig deep, and concentrate on the new you!!! Did you do the surgery for him or YOURSELF? A few months from now...the right guy will step in and show you how a REAL man is suppose to treat you...Don't settle!...Live & Be Patient & Listen to your Spirit!...Hang in there!

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[Alfred Day 90]

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Some years ago, I was in a relationship that ended because my girlfriend got accepted to Peace Corps and was going to move to Mozambique in Africa for two years. It's not the same as finding out someone doesn't want to be with you any more, but it was still quite difficult.

Coincidentally, the day after she left I had scheduled a knee surgery that was going to keep me out of work and pretty much home bound for the next month or so. At first I thought it was the worst timing ever because I would be trapped with nothing to do but feel bad for myself and look around the house that she didn't live in anymore.

What I found was that having the opportunity to focus on recovering my knee, and really working hard to get better was the perfect opportunity to focus on something important that wasn't connected to the relationship.

I'm 3 weeks post surgery, and I find that in order to do well and maximize my results, I need a similar amount of focus on learning how to eat correctly and getting to the gym.

Perhaps this is an opportunity? Instead of having to think about the breakup and all the questions we all have of why it happened, instead you can really focus on your recovery, and your post surgery life. For me it was helpful to have the ability to think about and focus on something that was genuinely important, and helped me not wallow in sadness.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

not a religions person .... but i do believer people are put in our lives for reasons... and they are removed for reasons.

this time is all about you... and no one else.

My suggestion to you it to get out the house and walk.... exercise, go visit with friends or family.

[Kari H. 22]

What an awful time for him to do that! I obviously do not know all the particulars, but there are a few things that I do know.

1. he is not worth you making yourself sick over. You cannot eat to comfort yourself after WLS... especially too soon, you will cause yourself so much physical pain and you will be in the bathroom throwing up! AND potentially mess up the whole procedure.

2. you did not do this surgery for him (I hope)_ therefore you need to be strong for yourself and be the one that takes care of yourself.

3. men come and go... there is never a guarantee with any relationship~ although it feels like your life is over... It is just beginning.

4. There are a tons of people out there rooting for you to succeed! keep you chin up and make the best of your decision to have the surgery and work toward your final goal!

[deb2571 70]

Here's a thought to cheer you up...this time next year you will be slim, sexy and HEALTHY ! You may even have a new man in your life too!

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[Who'sThere 331]

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Some years ago, I was in a relationship that ended because my girlfriend got accepted to Peace Corps and was going to move to Mozambique in Africa for two years. It's not the same as finding out someone doesn't want to be with you any more, but it was still quite difficult.

Coincidentally, the day after she left I had scheduled a knee surgery that was going to keep me out of work and pretty much home bound for the next month or so. At first I thought it was the worst timing ever because I would be trapped with nothing to do but feel bad for myself and look around the house that she didn't live in anymore.

What I found was that having the opportunity to focus on recovering my knee, and really working hard to get better was the perfect opportunity to focus on something important that wasn't connected to the relationship.

I'm 3 weeks post surgery, and I find that in order to do well and maximize my results, I need a similar amount of focus on learning how to eat correctly and getting to the gym.

Perhaps this is an opportunity? Instead of having to think about the breakup and all the questions we all have of why it happened, instead you can really focus on your recovery, and your post surgery life. For me it was helpful to have the ability to think about and focus on something that was genuinely important, and helped me not wallow in sadness.

I've read several of your posts/comments and you seem to be a man with a good head planted firmly on your shoulders. Great perspective for OP.

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[shedo82773 1,236]

It is the hardest thing to be under the weather and to lose your supportive significant other. But...you don't need him around being unhelpful and maybe just plain mean to you!! Concentrate on being and doing the best for YOU!! Good luck and I look forward to following your journey!!!

[hanbanan27 5]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. They're very appreciated.

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[LittleBill 2,231]

Just to add to what has already been written. look at this as an opportunity. You are starting on a new life, and you will undoubtably meet someone who will treat you lots better. Your best response to your former boyfriend will be to live life well to the fullest.