almost outed at work....by HR of all people

[james1 34]

Its been a while since I posted. So I work in hospitality, surrounded by food, about 1 year post op, down about 60 pounds pretty effortlessly and not eating strictly, def less food by a LARGE margin, but the weight is drip drip dripping off. I was never really comfortable size to exercise and I am kind of in that zone now where exercise would be something that I want to consider more of. I was 'lucky' to have work insurance that covered a large portion of my sleeve. Still do daily bariatric Vitamins, fitbit tracking, myfitness pal app for Protein tracking. I normally get about 9K steps a day.

So to my story. I was part of this project at work (about 8 people), and whenever you have projects at a hotel in a meeting room there is damn near always a buffet of 10x the normal about of food to eat (and 100x what we can eat). There are some fresh fruit options, oatmeal, and 50 things I can't eat. I found one of the hardest things to eat is any bread (wheat or otherwise as it instantly fills me). They actually had wheat creasants out and I can eat a little of that, they are not 'puffy' breads (muhahahaha...my splurge of the day right?). Wheat creasat in hand, fruit, and a yogurt I a heading to my seat 15min till project kick off.

In strolls a mouthy HR analyst to mooch off buffet and looks at me and says "I thought you couldn't eat bread because of that thing you did?"....in front of about 6-8 coworkers. :o :o :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: !!!

Mind you, up until this point I have told EXACTLY two people at work...my very supportive boss who I know will not talk and was genuinely concerned when I needed a surgery and kept passively asking what he could do, and the manager under me that I trust (in case I croaked...lol). It never dawned on me that this number also included ALL OF HR....as they have to see and process all of my paperwork I assume.

So mind racing, composure kept, I say "yeah this will be ok thanks for the concern", and turned to my phone...where I hammer out an email to her that basically says....please shush as I a not 'out'...(God never thought I would say that). She sends a panic reply email apologizing, etc, etc..I look great btw, etc, etc..She has a cousin who did it too or some bullshit....but DAMMIT...now I am a little paranoid AND my cheat bread thrill was RUINED.

Anyone have the same or similar thing happen at work? I am a Director department head, she is an HR Analyst with a few other Analyst and an HR Director. I am 'out' to my family and friends but not at work.

[gustavio 439]

I would have been so MAD! You handled it well and nobody probably knew a thing.

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[LadyRoz 6]

As your jobs HR she shouldbnot have said anything pertaining to your surgery. That on her part was confidential. She could have lost her job.

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[LizCapeCod 29]

I agree with LadyRoz. HR is obligated to keep health issues (and other things they know) confidential. Potentially her boss should know she did this.

[carlychloe2 106]

I,would go to the head of HR AND THE HEAD OF YOUR COMPANY AND LET THEM KNOW WHAT,THIS PERSON DID. THERE ARE VERY STRICK RULES,ABOUT EMPLOYEES CONFIDENTIALITY!!! JUST UNACCEPTABLE!!!

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[rubia72 200]

I doubt anyone was paying attention due to all the food but that needs to be addressed by the higher ups since your information should never be a topic of conversation unless you bring it up. You did good I probably would've told her off & let her have it right there but you showed great composure and class.

[Boofy71 11]

Was she silly - yes - was she unprofessional - yes - was she intentionally out to hurt/expose you - I'm thinking maybe not - she was probably mortified & although it was highly embarrassing to you, or could have been if people were near, I don't believe she should be hung drawn & quartered for it - unless of course you know that she is a yabber mouth & has done this before? Exposure diverted no real harm done & she probably feels worse than you ????

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[theantichick 2,204]

I agree with all the other comments here. It really doesn't sound like she was being catty or intentionally trying to out you. So whether you go to her superior or not depends on how much fallout you want for her. I think you handled it very well. She absolutely should not have said that, an HR person needs to have a FULL understanding of how sensitive EVERY piece of information they are privy to is. So if you feel comfortable talking to her, and don't want to cause her a rash of crap, I would go to her privately and say something like, "I appreciate your apology, and don't want to cause trouble for you, I just want to make sure you understand how much trouble you could have caused for the company, and how every single piece of information you are privy to in HR is sensitive and confidential and how careful you have to be about discussing it in front of anyone."

If of course you ever see indication of it happening again with anyone else, I would make sure her superiors know about it as well as this incident at that time. If you haven't reported this incident they won't be able to make it part of a documented action plan, but they will at least have the knowledge that it's part of a pattern that she's been made aware of.

Of course, this is serious enough that you would be completely justified in going to her supervisor if you chose as well, they would need to have it documented in the event it became a pattern and they needed to take action. This kind of thing exposes a company to some very expensive legal and regulatory actions.

[adriant 109]

It's private and should be discussed by anyone except you, this person has no right to disclose personal and private information about you without your permission. I would bite her for it, it all depends how deep you want to sink your teeth into her.

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[james1 34]

Yeah I have to say it probably was not intentional, and I don't know how far it got around the room. No one asked me about it later, not even in passing. If I had made anything of it at the time, I would have drawn attention to it (was my thinking at the time at least), so I do not think it did.

If I wanted, this might be job ending for her considering the trust she has in HR. I don't really want that. If I have someone approach me asking about it my opinion might change...

It would be one thing if I had confided in her, and then she made the comment...but its basically 'insider knowledge' and inappropriate to be made publicly.

I had even considered letting HR know that if someone were about to go down this path and needed someone to talk to, I could be a resource (considering how effortless my experience has been), but now I am hesitant.

Edited December 19, 2016 by james1

[gryffen 176]

Maybe get HR to do a reminder course of privacy and confidential information and the employees responsibility and rights if they are breached.

Probably put some hair on her ass (previous experience with staff mouthing off)

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[2ndSpring 350]

I work in HR. Regardless of her intentions, her behavior is unethical and unprofessional. It is shocking that an HR professional would violate such a trust. This is not a peer that you told a secret to. Discretion is part of her job.

The fact that it may have been unintentional means that her department is inadequately trained on privacy laws and case law.

You would be doing her department head a favor by bringing this breach to their attention so they can arrange training for their whole team. I would also question the department head on the internal controls within HR - who has access to your medical records? everyone in HR?. That seems a little lax to me as well.