Dealing with the "mental"

[tapgirl 37]

Hi all, hope you're all keeping well!

I don't post much here but I read daily (one of the first and last things I do each day!) Your stories and tips have been great.

I don't have a question as such, more so just sharing.

I'm just over 6 weeks post-op. I didn't have any surgery complications luckily, went back to work after a week and a half, haven't had any issues with vomiting or anything of concern.

I had the normal post-surgery "instant regret" and "what did I do I've ruined my life" moments for a couple of days, and then I battled head hunger for two weeks. Since then I've tried to get myself in a routine following the plans, tracking everything so I can start recognising amounts and portions.

I've only weighed myself twice, both at surgeon appointment follow-up's, and been pleased, the loss has begun to slow down but I prepared for that. The only thing I need to do more of is exercise. I'm using daily arm weights but definitely need to get out more.

At this point I feel more settled than I have done in a long time. In terms of making this decision, following through and then just dealing with what comes next. I am beginning to feel glad I did it, I can see the benefits, not in terms of weight loss but in terms of stamina, I can walk longer and faster without back pain, my heart rate is lower and I can feel it, and so on.

What is now beginning to surface is all the "mental" stuff that I didn't necessarily realise was related to the issues I've clearly had with food. Food was a mask. It was there as a comfort I think. I also think loneliness has played a big part. I have experienced quite toxic friendships and relationships and lost willingness to trust others, and that led me to believe that I can't rely on anyone apart from myself. Which is probably not the worst thing in the world in itself, but it has led me to be emotionally disconnected, and lonely. I also let people walk all over me. All the time. I never choose to say no and normally my needs come last. Which is probably why I feel the need to comfort myself.

This surgery doesn't take any of that away (shock!) But it has forced me to reevaluate not just my relationship with food, but my relationship with myself, and also others. For me, that is what needs to change before anything else.

I know I'm still very early on in this journey and I have no idea where I'll be a couple of years down the road. I am hopeful that dealing with the "mental" will enable me to ingrain the new habits I am forming into my new "normal". Therapy is a must have. This has to come from me, I can only be accountable for choices I make in this.

As I said, no real questions here, although if anyone can relate to this I'd love to hear your story!

Take care all x

[YanaPooh 6]

Thank you so much for sharing! Sounds like you are well on your way to a happier life!

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[beautyandthesleeve 31]

Sometimes its so therapeutic to just write these thoughts down somewhere, whether anyone replies or not.

Keep it up!

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[theantichick 2,204]

Absolutely. I started therapy even before I decided for sure on the surgery because of some odd food issues I have, and that's segued into a whole ton of emotional issues that have been under the surface for me for my whole life. food just doesn't work as an emotional bandaid anymore, so I have to either find a new crutch or fix the wounds for real this time. It's healthier to fix the wounds. Good for you for figuring it out, lots of people just find a new crutch/addiction to mask it or find a way to eat around their surgery and put the weight back on. If you can, find a therapist and get to work. If that's just not possible for you, start reading, there's tons of self help books that can get you started on dealing with your issues. I'm not a counselor but I have an extensive library including assigned reading from my therapists over the years and can make a few recommendations if you want to PM me.

[tapgirl 37]

Thank you for the replies, I'm grateful for the support!

I've been in and out of therapy since I was a teenager, it's helped somewhat but I was never able to kick this. Something has certainly shifted. I went into this knowing that unless I changed, it would be a fruitless effort.

At the moment I don't feel like food is consuming me, which is different. I spend a lot of my day considering what I need to have for Protein, and I've been advised to up my calories which is proving challenging but I'm coming at it from a health point of view, what's the best thing I can have today, e.g. most Protein, less carbs. It's all just very different, I'm not stuffing anything down.

Financially it's difficult to start therapy again at the moment, but this is something I will be able to do in the near future. I think I'm aware, based on lots of research and testimonials, what are common pitfalls (such as replacing one crutch for another like you mentioned @theantichick) so I'm trying to be mindful.

Thanks again for all your replies, it has felt good to share where I'm at for now take care xx

[livvsmum 2,369]

You are sooooo 100% correct. I can promise you that although it feels overwhelming to be working through this, the fact that you have realized this and are taking the steps to work through it will help you be successful in the long run! It was at about 10 months post op for me, when I had reached my goal, that I came to the really kind of depressing realization that the same issues that drove me to overeat in the first place were still there. It was at that point I sought out therapy, and I've been working with an eating disorder therapist for 3 years now. I know without a single doubt if I had not done that, I would have gained back all 140 pounds by this point. I've always suspected that I was a "stress eater" but that is just the tiniest tip of the ice burg. I was eating to not feel what I would feel if I acknowledged some truths in my life regarding relationships, self-esteem, etc. Coming to terms with all of this has been SO empowering. I'm so happy to read that you are doing this difficult but rewarding emotional work!

[tapgirl 37]

Thank you for sharing your story too, it helps to know I'm not alone in this! I've definitely had moments where I've felt stressed and noticed that my mind naturally starts thinking about food - probably as a comfort/distraction thing.

Like you I am determined for this to be successful, and also a lifelong way of living, not a temporary fix that I will let go of later down the line. I still enjoy the taste of food, but I don't want my life to revolve around it.

Thanks again and I'm so pleased to hear how well you've done, wish you well as you continue x

[craftymel 3]

It's great knowing that I am not alone in this journey!! I am close to one month post op and I'm struggling. My stomach isn't hungry, it's my mind and mouth that want the "good" stuff!!!

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