Fear of Failure and a New Goal..

[Ruth1ess 494]

I'm 189 today, down a total of 104 lbs. Tomorrow is my 8 month Surgiversary.

My goal before surgery was 185. It would set me into the 'overweight' category, a BMI of 29. It's my lowest adult weight, ever. I have ridden around 250 for most of it, jetting to 293 at my highest.

But in 4 pounds, I'll make that goal. I'm squeezing into sz 12s from sz 24s, by my surgeon’s and everyone else’s standards, I am a success story. But it doesn’t feel like it.

I'm happy with my progress. I struggled with so much fear before and after surgery, that I'd stall out places I'd been before in my life. 240. 220. I never thought I'd see 200, but, I hoped when I got surgery that I would settle right around there as my bariatric physician said I would. Then, I blew past that. That fear still remains, even though I've succeeded far past the places on the scale that I didn’t think I could ever get to.

I've decided today that I'm going to go for broke. My new goal is 159, one pound into a 'normal' BMI.

Not because I'm unhappy with my body. Not because I think I'm still fat.

Because that fear is still there, and today I'm taking hold of it and saying No. I'm not going to let it control me any more. I'm saying today that I Can, and I refuse to be afraid of "I can't" anymore.

When I think of all of the times I've been afraid of failure and how it's held me back, I want to scream in frustration, ball my fists, and lash back at the stupidity. My life would be so much different if I didn’t have that fear (which is saying a lot, considering I lead a very adventurous life -- no one would ever know my internal struggle).

But, this is it. I’m seizing control today. I’m going to proceed on and hit that goal of 159 without any ifs, ands, or buts. This is it, this is my life. Not the life of my fear. That fear doesn’t have place with me any more, simply because I say so.

Edited December 14, 2016 by Ruth1ess

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

Go for it girl!

[jacque2250 46]

Wow! What a testimony! I wish you much success and feel that without a doubt YOU wili get to 159!

Edited December 14, 2016 by jacque2250

[Healthy_life2 8,322]

@@Ruth1ess

You have done amazing. I love your attitude. Get what you want out of your surgery.

You are Fearless!!!!

[Ruth1ess 494]

Thanks.

I'm feeling fierce tonight. And a little angry. I'm not even close to being done yet!

[Noneyo 171]

Yes girl! YOU WILL DO THIS! Thank you for the inspirational post.

[KristenVSG2014 1,872]

Funny because my original goal weight was 180 because I couldn't imagine being smaller than that but my doctor told me to shoot for 160 so I would no longer be overweight. I hit the goal in 1 year and 3 months.

Stay fierce and focused and you can do anything!!

HW 290+/SW 261/GW 160/CW 159

[Ruth1ess 494]

@@KristenVSG2014 And our stats are so close!! Thank you for sharing!