They just don't get it!

[danithomas 75]

So in the beginning my husband was hesitant about being on board with me having the surgery. But after meeting with my surgeon he felt better about it. My mom was on board my father not so much. But the one thing my sisters, cousins and friends all keep saying the same thing. " You don't need surgery. You are not that big. You just need Will Power" blah blah blah...

I have a BMI of 39, hbp, sleep apnea, PCOS, rheumatoid arthritis in my lower back from my surgeries (2 to be exact) and of course Fibromyalgia! I just turned 40 years old!!! I have a family history of diabetes and obesity....

Trying to explain to them that doctors don't just perform the surgery because I want to wear T shirts to show off my belly button, if it's even still there! Or that insurance companies don't pay thousands of dollars just so I can find out where my thong ran off too back in 2002! Lol

This is real and I'm tired of hurting, tired of the excuses of not going out because I'm exhausted....tired of living without existing.

Yes the surgery scares me but so is my husband waking me up in the middle of the night because I stopped breathing.

So a part of me wants to just stop sharing my Feb 1st surgery date and just tell people post surgery when they ask me how I lost the weight that I just kept my New Year Resolution and avoided negativity! Lol

I wish you all the best and please share your concerns from family and friends and how you overcame it....thank you!!

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[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

So a part of me wants to just stop sharing my Feb 1st surgery date and just tell people post surgery when they ask me how I lost the weight that I just kept my New Year Resolution and avoided negativity! Lol

You packed the perfect solution into a long sentence. Go for it. We're talking about your life, your body, your health. You're very clear on why you want surgery. You have no obligation or reason to 'splain yourself to all the cousins and neighbors or the grocer.

[Leslie9595 10]

I am goin through the same thing. Only a few select people know what is goin on . I tried to talk to the some of the people I work with and I got the same reply you did " you just need will power and your not that big" my response was if I could do on my own, don't you think I would have done it by now? I am also 40 and I am tried of hurting and not living life. I am so glad that I saw your message, thank you for sharing.

Leslie9595

[Michelle6 21]

I haven't told anyone but my husband and kids mostly because I know what people will think and say. My surgery is in two days. I am 41 and just can't lose the weight not matter what. I would love any prayers and support. Best of luck my friend I right there with you.

[Krystyneh 55]

I know the feeling. My husband is on board (many people in his family has had Bariatric surgery) and my mom and dad are on board along with my kids. Some of my friends are (one had the sleeve done 12/15/15) but others aren't. One of my older brothers is on board and the other one that's overweight REFUSES to get it and just keeps saying he won't do it because it not worth it or something.

I also have PCOS and part of that is being insulin resistant. Having PCOS sucks and I was told that in the end you will get diabetes HOWEVER losing weight will hold it off as long as possible so you may be in your 80s or 90s when you get it. That's just what my doctor has told me and idk if it's true or if it was a tactic to scare me.

As long as you have the support of your husband and you want to go for surgery, go for it don't let negativity hold you back. You also have all of us here for support

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Are you having the surgery for them or for you?

The best/easiest way to stop the negativity? Stop talking to them about it. Change the subject. Tell them you appreciate their opinion but you don't care to discuss it further. Done. If the conversation continues, leave.

Easy cheesy.

[leilei78 3]

Congrats I'm in the first stage of the process and I get the same thing now so do wats best for u and ur health....I have a friend who did it and ur mommy was not on board....now her mom went an did the surgery after seeing her weight loss

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[RunningWithScissors 74]

I'm laughing DaniThomas, but I get it. I got the same reaction from people I told. I hoped they would be supportive, but instead I got the same old BS "why don't you just diet? You're not big enough to do something this drastic." I'm 5' 2" and 215 lbs. My back and knees are killing me. I can't even walk my dogs anymore. I can't sleep laying down or I feel like I can't breath. This is for real. We are suffering.

My sleeve is scheduled for January 17. Not even nervous, just want to get my life back. You go get the surgery and never look back.

[Raymia 565]

I haven't told anyone but my husband and kids mostly because I know what people will think and say. My surgery is in two days. I am 41 and just can't lose the weight not matter what. I would love any prayers and support. Best of luck my friend I right there with you.

Don't worry we're all ears here : ) I haven't told everyone either and I'm not going to.... But when I have questions no matter how silly they seem or when I need to vent I come on here and there's plenty of support!

@@danithomas Handle your business no one knows your body better then you! Best wishes to you all....

[theantichick 2,204]

I have a blog entry The Easy Way Out (link in my sig) that addresses my responses to people on the subject. I'm 4 months out and already seeing improvement in my RA/PsA. There's good medical reasons for having the surgery, hold your ground. These people are not on your medical team. If you and your medical team have decided this is a good option, then that's all that needs be said.

Good luck!!

[Wonder WomanNJ 119]

oh wow - our stories are very similar! I too am 39 BMI, 41 years old, I have sleep apnea and fibromyalgia.

I'm with you 100% - not everyone gets it. For that reason, like you, I haven't told anybody. Initially I told my mom and my sister. I didn't tell my Naysayer boyfriend until I received the approval from the insurance company. I didn't want to my journey surrounded by any negativity. I made the mistake of telling a friend and she said "ohhh nooo, but you don't need that. I never thought would take the easy way out". I almost lost it. I made it a point to educate her on how NOT easy this process is for us and like you said, we are doing it because we need it, not to sport the Daisy Duke's at the next family barbeque!

My surgery is scheduled for 12/21/16 and so far, just my immediate family knows along with 2 or 3 coworkers. While it's not a "secrete" per say, I don't want to have to educate people on why I am doing this.

When is your surgery scheduled for?

[lovestohike 3]

I have chosen to only tell my husband and our parents (And I only told them because I have needed their help watching our children during all my doctors appointments). I am not telling anyone until I am post op and have reached a point that I am ready to discuss it. I am doing this for me and I didn't want to deal with negativity. So far I think keeping quiet about it has been best for me.

[BubblesOhSoSleeved 129]

I'm a very strong willed person and when I've made up my mind no one can change it...I have two female best friends...one of them knew me since 9th grade and saw me at a size 1, she stayed slender and I did not, so her support was beaming through the roofs..my other friend met me after I had gained weight...I think I may have been about 200 lbs when I met her..I'm 265 with a bmi of 46.6 now and she isnt as supportive but she is also obese but she knows me well enough to know that idc how she feels..my mother wieghed less than me but had hbp, sleep apnea, and diabetes runs on her paternal and mother side and she went and got the sleeve done so my sisters, daddy and mommy are all on bored...my two male best friends are on bored although one has vowed to revenge me if anything is to go wrong lol and the guy that i'm dating right now is on board as well...he just wants me to be happy...although Idc about anyone's opinions on what I do with my own body its an really awesome feeling to know that I dont have to deal with the negativity of those I care about...Good Luck!! and remember this is your decision, I'm 23 and people feel I'm too young and diet and exercise should be enough..but I want to get to a comfortable weight to go exercise and not to mention my sleep apnea, and high blood sugar...the surgery will help reverse thoughs...just remember, you arent doing this for them and you dont need their approval..again good luck to you

[smilenamy again 6]

I also felt with this same thing. Even after the surgery I am being criticized for having it. I am proud of myself and no one is gonna get me down. I am so much healthier and feel the best I have in years. I am saying a special prayer for you! You can do this!!

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[Noneyo 171]

I didn't tell anyone but my husband and he's sworn to secrecy and solid. I never will for this very reason. I would just rather not deal with anyone else's opinions because it is my body and my decision. I am also 40 and started at a 40 BMI. My mom, grandfather, uncle, brother, and sister are diabetic. I will not be! I am nearly one month out and I regret nothing. We don't owe anyone an explanation. Good luck on your journey sweetheart, it's all going to be good!

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