Heartbroken

[ctaylor 0]

Before I met Jason I did not do any recreational drugs besides smoke a joint once in awhile. I was skeptical of other drugs and said I would never try them. I know this is not a drug forum but this has alot to do with my story so bear with me. We started doing cocaine once in awhile and it turned into more of a habit for him. I liked it once in awhile when I was drunk but always felt guilty afterwards. I told him I did not want to do it anymore and if he still wanted to thats fine but we need to break up then. I just did not want to be around it. He said he loved me more and would never touch it again. He went a long time without it and was doing really good. He quit drinking too which was one of the reasons he would start to want it (being drunk and feigning for it). So two nights ago he decided he wanted to drink. I was fine with that but he was being kind of annoying so I laid down to go to bed. He said I am going to get 2 grams. I said you promised...no. He said I am getting it and since he was drunk I decided to drive him. Not my smartest move I know but I could not let him drive in that state. Plus it was my car because he does not have one ( yeah I know how to pick em right). So we get back with it and he says please do it with me. I said no way but me being weak, even though I did not really want to do it. I did it with him. I told him that was the last time. I already know what your thinking. Thats my problem right there. So the next morning hes sober and wants to go get some coffee. This is after we have a long talk about how we are never going to do it again and I don't want to be around it yadda yadda. He said he was sorry and it seemed very sincere. So 7 hours later and hes not back with my car. I realized he took 200 dollars...his money not mine because I do not work now and he supports me. However, the money is both of ours and there was a time I worked and he didn't. So I call a friend and he drives me to the dealers house and i see my car. I take my car with the extra set of keys. I called the dealer and asked to speak to him but I guess hes knows I am really pissed and hes stoned so he does not want to talk. The thing is I know I should dump his ass. But I am so angry I want to scream at him. Maybe that won't do any good. When he calls and HE WILL trust me. This is not the first time hes screwed up. I don't know what approach to take. Things have to change. I love him and we have been together 6 years. Living together for 5 of those. Overall hes a good guy. He only does this (crave coke not take my car) about once every 3 to 4 months so its not like hes a junkie. I want him to stop doing it but I don't want to lose him. I am just confused. I don't have a lot of friends because hes the jealous type. I don't know what to do. Please help. Christi

[Darragha 0]

Leave now.

Do not pass "go."

Do not collect two hundred dollars.

Or you will go directly to jail.

Men who abuse drugs and alcohol do not respect themselves much less anyone else. Their God is the drug and their lifestyle revolves around the worshiping of same.

I believe I gave my ex-husband the choice: Marijuana or me. Go to treatment or our marriage is over. He chose drugs over me. I'm rather happy with that decision as my second marriage is a blessing--but damn, girl. Get out while you still can.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Dear Abby says... dump the loser.

[ctaylor 0]

Thank you Darragha and Jack for your replies. Jack, I think your right about the face to face help. Not only has he hurt me with this but in the past when he has screwed up he always turns it around like its me. I feel like this really messes up my self esteem. When I met him I was at my ideal weight of 170 lbs. I could have lost a few more but I was comfortable and had a very athletic body. Now I have put on more than 100 lbs in the 4 years I have been with him. I am not saying its his fault but in my past I have never hated myself so much. I have never not cared about my appearance. I think its the way he makes me feel about myself. I would turn to food or drugs for comfort. I just want to live a normal life and be happy with myself...the way I was when I met him. 4 years ago I never would have believed I would be what I am now. I was having the time of my life. Sometimes I wish I would have never met him. I cant do anything about that now so why dwell though right?

[neveragain 9]

Let me make this decision for you:

Dump the chump.

[green 6]

Dump the dude. You deserve better. You will never, ever have an interesting and adventure-filled life with this clown around. Nor will you ever feel happy, relaxed and content. You will always feel nervous and scared, wondering what he is going to do with the money you both need for food, rent, etc.

He is far too jealous and controlling to allow you out to meet people, to learn about other options in life, to have a little fun on your own, and to have your own friends.

With this guy you will always remain poor, you will never own a house, you will never have the emotional support of a gang of friends, you will never own nice things, you will never travel, and your kids won't have access to good health care and education.

You may love him but this is a bad habit, like loving drinking, smoking, over-eating, or dope. It is not doing you any good at all. There are a whole lot of people out there, very nice people who could make you much, much happier and healthier. His mouth may tell you that he loves you but his actions say something entirely different. The truth is this guy is only into himself and his own desires. You can do a lot better.

[kacee 3]

Let me give you some perspective. Your boyfriend is NOT going to change. He has the BAD SEED of addiction and he has it for life. You need to get saway from him as fast as you can. I have been through what you are going through....and put up with it for 10 YEARS. MY BAD. I met my boyfriend when I was 37. Long story short, he turne out to be drug and alcoholic addictive. He couldn't hold down a job. He stole from me. I had never been into drugs before and within a year of being with him I was snorting speed and coke on a fairly regular basis. Six years into this I realized I was doing it to appease him, I was weak, and I said NO MORE. I stopped the drugs cold turkey and never looked back. I also told him to get out. He was a master manipulator...the perfect "victim" and I fell for it every time. But I finally put my foot down. He continued to abuse his body and mind, and not be able to hold a job for more than a few months at a time. He died this past May of a suspected drug overdose and heart attack. He was 57. Get away NOW. He will NEVER change and he will drag you down with him. Guaranteed. I have BEEN THERE.

[kacee 3]

PS, if you want to email me privately please do so. I can see my relationship exactly in what you are saying. Your boyfriend sounds EXACTLY like mine was. I have completely been there and I feel comfortable to speak from experience.

[DonHoll1 0]

Get out now, he has made his choice. Donna

[Daisalana 33]

edit blah blah edit

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I agree with Jack, that you need help on the outside for this. He will not change unless he wants to, you can not make him change. I am married to a precription drug addict, so I know what you are thinking. You think about the nice guy that he is most of the time, but get over it.

Saying things like "He's not a junkie" is just making excuses for him. Make your plan, break away and let him get the help he needs. Somtimes leaving is the only way......

[gadgetlady 4]

I hope you don't take this wrong. The best admonition I could come up with is from the Bible, in 1 Cor 15:33: Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." It is rare, in a relationship, for the "good" person to pull the person with the corrupting influence up to their level. More often, the good person gets pulled down.

[Darragha 0]

Bad company corrupts good character."

Excellent quote. I'd use it, and I'm Buddhist. Our heartbroken gal has packed her bags, yes?

[jimmie a 0]

dump him, love and believe in yourself

[Marimaru 7]

I think that people can overcome addiction with the right motivation, but I also think that if you were his right motivation, he'd have done it by now. Telling you that he was going to stop, and then disappearing the next day with money and your car is a pretty big indicator. I am reminded of my sister's relationship. Her husband has a thing for strip clubs and porn. He has told her over and over again that he wont go, but he keeps going. The last time just about tore it for her. It's not even about the strip club at this point, it's about the huge lie. I think you need to look at it from the same standpoint; your boyfriend LIES to you about this stuff. The fact that he takes money and goes and buys drugs every few months in and of itself is a big deal, but the bigger deal is that you are being lied to, and treated as if you are too stupid to figure it out.

Respect yourself more than that. I don't know what your situation is that he works and you don't, but don't let him hold that over your head. Go work at 7 Eleven if you have to. 6 years is a long relationship, but you said yourself that you think you'd be in a better place if you'd never met him. You can't take the last 6 years back, but you can stop another 6 years of the same thing from happening.

*hugs*