Negative Nellies!

[Wonder WomanNJ 119]

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

[theantichick 2,204]

Link in my sig to "The Easy Way Out" essay on my blog.

If it's someone I care about, I take the time to educate them and assure them that I didn't do this on a whim. If it's someone I don't care enough about to take that time, I shrug and say "agree to disagree" and walk on.

[Hiraeth 515]

Oh I absolutely have encountered this kind of negativity. I work with a woman who has always treated me a certain way. Some days she can be nice, and other days she can be spiteful and bitter. When she found out I was having this surgery, she kept saying things like, "You'll just gain it right back. I know people who had it and gained it all back." "I've known people who have died from it!" "You can just diet, because if you really wanted to change, you would change without this surgery." What's so funny about this is, she is overweight and even more so than me! She's close to 350 pounds. I kept trying to tell her that it's not just about cravings; it's also about hunger. Our stomachs are stretched out from constant overeating. We can't diet because we are never filling the empty void that our stomachs have caused. So, the point of this surgery is to help make dieting a lot easier. But this woman didn't want to listen. She's so stubborn and negative. She has been on so many diets and she always fails within 1 week. Many people have told me that she's jealous and insecure, and that's why she says these things.

I dealt with it by telling her I'd rather not discuss it anymore. When I said that to her, she called her relative and gossiped about me. So that definitely proves that she is extremely insecure.

Edited December 8, 2016 by Hiraeth

[LittleBill 2,231]

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

I told people who I thought would understand and be supportive. Some of those are friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. The rest of the world has no need to know. Some of those are friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. (do you see what i did there?) People who are negative don't get time with me to express their negativity. Life is too short to waste on people who bring me down.

[WGH3IWDT 93]

Ignore Them

And PRAY AND ONLY Change if GOD TELLS YOU TO.

LET THIS BE BETWEEN YOU AND GOD BECAUSE ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT'S TRULY BEST FOR ALL OF.

And PRAY for those who are discouraging to you.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

[jconnor6783 2]

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Dieing from this is less likely than dieing while driving to work

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Dieing from this is less likely than dieing while driving to work

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

[kheter55 33]

Hi,

I don't have a surgery date yet....going through all the classes and consults and tests. I'm am going through this with my husband. My grown kids are all for it. My husband tells me, "just diet, you're not that heavy". I'm 5'7" and 285 lbs. I'm the one with bad knees and other sketetal problems. So I totally understand. I haven't told my friends yet...I'll tell them after, they don't need to know.

Edited December 9, 2016 by kheter55

[Hiraeth 515]

All of my friends were extremely supportive. My mom and sister weren't very supportive at first, but only because they were worried. I reassured them that this surgery is safer than a gallbladder removal, which I've already had. Then I invited my mom to a support group, and it made her feel much better. Now that I've had my surgery, my mom and sister both want to have it done; especially since I've lost almost 60 pounds in just 4 months. The people who are negative towards you are usually either insecure, unhappy, or worried. I can't think of another reason why anyone would be negative about having a surgery to better your health.

[Hammer_Down 631]

I've only told 1 person outside of my parents and parents in law.

She was my best friend and the person who actually brought WLS up one night, saying it was her plan if she couldn't lose about 100lbs by her next birthday.

I researched and went ahead and the surgery done. After deciding, I told her about it and she was pretty deadpan. She would only ask once a month or so how preop was going by text (she lives in Texas, I live in Canada).

Since surgery Oct 27 I barely hear from her and she hasn't asked yet how it's going. I did bring it up once and she ghosted me (just dropped the conversation and didn't text back) and it hasn't come up since.

This is really surprising to me, I was travelling to Texas once a week for work and we could talk about anything. Drinking is a big part of her life and it was basically what we always did when we got together. When I told her my preop plan meant no drinking because of liver swelling, and post op would probably be 2-3 months and maybe longer before drinking post op she said she wouldn't even consider WLS.

Edited December 9, 2016 by Hammer_Down

[Kimba Maria Wiggins 81]

"Just stop eating"

"I know someone who died from WLS."

"Don't have surgery, you'll have loose skin (I already have that and I'm still pre-op)

"You don't need surgery, just exercise and eat organic foods (I receive food Stamps and osteoarthritis hurts plus organic is expensive!)

"You don't look that big" (Ummm, I weigh 313 lbs, smh)

"I like bigger women, you're fine just the way you are (like having hypertension, osteoarthritis and sleep apnea is ok tho have)

Some of the responses i've gotten were so bad, I cannot even post them here. Being 5'4" and 450 lbs is not sexy and I got flamed by many people for saying that. I sometimes shake my head and laugh because of the negative responses I get when I tell others about me getting WLS. Only people that are supporting me is my housemates, my cousins and mother (who got sleeved on 11/17/2016)

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@@Wonder WomanNJ

You will encounter people that will try to talk you out of it. Some for genuine concern for your health. Some out of fear you will succeed.

You don't need anyone's approval or validation for your decision to have surgery. Keep supportive people around you.

[Noneyo 171]

Only told my husband (and you awesome strangers) and he is sworn to secrecy not because I'm ashamed but because my personal medical decisions are no one else's business and I have never explained any of my decisions to anyone anyway. I'm a totally private person though.

[Wonder WomanNJ 119]

Guys - thank you all for your input! I now realize that this isn't an issue isolated to my "friends". I love this support group!

Good luck to all of you getting sleeved this month! xoxo

[Wonder WomanNJ 119]

@@Hiraeth I have someone like that at work too. I also have this lady who I KNOW has had bariatric surgery. I can just "tell". But she won't talk about it or admit it. I used to knock her for not being honest and just saying it but now I realize why she doesn't.

It's like Jenn said, some people are against it out of legitimate concern, others for fear you may succeed.

good luck to you!

xoxo

[Carrie1122 139]

Omg! I am so happy I came across thread, I got the same reaction except from my one friend (she works in a hospital). When I finally came out. i got the " you don't need it" " i know so many people who failed", or the best and I love her she said " just do it the natural way" I told her I tried and 7 months of being stagnant I had enough"! Or my other bestie, she cried and said I don't want your attitude to change and I love you, but I know people who got it and they are just snobby. I told my head-shrink about it and she said think about it, that was their attitude prior. She re-assured me that I will be fine and I told my bestie the same thing.

I can't stand the fact that I can't talk about it with the people that are close to me because they feel I will fail. Well guess what! Now i am motivated to prove you wrong. Its amazing people are more worried about you failing, attitude instead of being there for you! How about being an advocate and making me stick with what I have learned and being an ass to me to make sure I am walking and staying on target! Ugh! The struggles! Not to mention I am probably going to have to have skin surgery.

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