The Statistics are not in our favor? (According to my worried Dad)

[LittleBill 2,231]

Your father loves you and he is worried for your safety. That is not hard to understand. The hard part is getting past that. I think it is important for him to know that you have listened and considered his concerns. It is equally important that he know that this is your decision, not his.

Life is full of what ifs. I had two friends die from this surgery years ago, which was a major factor in my putting it off for so long. But, that was years ago, and both of them were in really bad shape pre-op. When your time is up, it is up. Your chances of dying from this are about the same as dying in a wreck on the highway. As for the other complications, yeah, they are there, but there are risks we incur every day just living our lives. You know all this already. Your father does too at some level, but he has to get past the fact that it is his little girl who is going to be in danger, and there is nothing he can do about it. That is hard on a Dad, and I write that as the father of three little girls. Although they are adults, married and with children of their own, they will always be my little girls.

Talk to him and put it to him this way if you haven't already. It might not help right away, but you will have done all you can to let him know you consider his fears for your safety important.

[Anna Nim 196]

Your dad needs to go to the Community College and take a basic statistics class.

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Funny thing, is he is a retired mechanical engineer!

[Anna Nim 196]

I'm 13 yrs out and if I could go back I wouldn't have done it. The malabsorbtion and other side effects are horrible to live the rest of your life with.

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So, what are your side effects?

[Anna Nim 196]

We're all "mean" for pointing out errors in her father's logic but her dad is just "nervous" for her? Someone who is just concerned for her wouldn't cherry pick pieces of an article out of context of the rest of the article, then inappropriately add them up in order to scare her into thinking that 86% of the people who have WLS have a serious complication. Someone who is just concerned for her, would do some research with an open mind and not call everything that goes against their negative opinion a "joke". Someone who is just concerned would attempt to meet with the medical team and ask questions about their concerns. Plus if you read her other posts/threads - there is a history there of negative and manipulative behavior on his part.

For the OP - I know based on your other threads that you were hoping/expecting your dad to pay for part of the surgery based on him initially offering too. My thought is he didn't actually think you were going to go through with it and probably never had any intention of paying for any of it and is using these scare tactics in order to not have to come right out and tell you that he is rescinding his offer. I think it would be in your best interest to try to find some other way to come up with the needed money and even check with your bariatric team to see if you can set up an installment payment plan with them.

Wow you guys are mean. It's her dad. He's nervous for her. But I do agree you're an adult. And you know what's best for you listen to what he says but also know that those numbers aren't real. I worked on the drug study a few years back and they literally had to put in the morning that there was a chance of getting hit by a bus while taking the medication because 3 study participants we're sitting at a bus stop and a bus hit them. They had to go through lots of litigation to get that removed. So do what's best for you. But I don't see a whole lot of people on here saying how terrible it move it was for them.

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He did pay, but I think he did not expect to, he figured I would take him up on his other offers of a trainer and diet help (nowww you offer?). I did tell him I was thinking of going to Mexico, so he figured that a "chop shop" (his words, not mine), would be my next step, although I admit it would be in the summer.. Thank you for your response!

[oladad 47]

Fredbear if you talk that way to your Father, can't imagine how you'd talk to your friends, you must have a lot of friends.

[Jes 11]

Malabsorbtion has a whole bunch of side effects in itself. Horrible gas, bloating, abdominal cramps and painting and foul BM. Not able to get anything except calories from food so you learn to eat great and you can't get the nutrition. Like superfoods such as kale and sweet potatoes. The Vitamins I take for the 4est of my life are fine but every once in awhile have to have Iron infusion and B12 and vit d extras because I get sick and blood work shows a huge lack in those. It's really hard to stay on top of and gets expensive. The dumping symptoms some times come out of the blue at the most inopportune times. That's another can of worms....

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[gustavio 439]

Oh come on y'all, he is a father that doesn't want his daughter to have surgery. He is worried. That is a constant state of mind from the day your kids are born. It doesn't stop when they are adults. He is grasping at straws to try and get his point across and hasn't been as educated on the surgery as we have. It's his job to be concerned and care. It's his job to have an opinion. I think it's sweet. I think he sounds like a great father. No need to bash his intelligence or post hateful things. How could anyone read this and see anything other than a concerned dad. For someone who has lost her father, this melted my heart because it reminded me of how my dad would have been. I would NEVER have told him to "F$&@ off" as someone suggested.

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[lptreg 25]

You are doing it for you. When feel good. Your world is better. I'm 2+ years out RNY. Good luck.

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[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@Anna Nim **Even if you ignore the 60% to 70% probability of indigestion, nausea and dehydration, the percentage of occurrence of mild to severe complications is a huge collective 88.9% !!!

GERD 47%

Nutritional deficiency 12%

Gallstones 23%

Acute Stricture 3.5%

Deep Vein Thrombosis 1%

Staple line failure 2.4%

Total: 88.9%**

First, I have to say how nice it is to see someone at least try to use statistical evidence to argue for/against something instead of just emotion or "I have a friend whose son's daughter's hairstylist's dog trainer had the surgery and died". That alone deserves a big round of applause in my opinion.

That said, the above is a completely erroneous way of interpreting the data he read. Probabilities don't add up to one large number, they're concurrent. You don't end up with a nearly 100% chance of some sort of complication by adding all the low incidences together

Another point to make in rebuttal is that several of the risks of WLS are known risks of remaining obese. GERD, gallstones and DVTs can happen if you choose to do nothing and remain obese as a result. And there are a host of risks of remaining obese that your dad didn't consider. Diabetes, hypertension, joint degeneration, heart disease, sleep apnea, depression...the list is long and frightening. And deadly.

You know that at the end of the day, you're an adult and it's your decision, but I know how hard it is to deal with complete opposition from a parent. My mom was dead-set against me having the surgery and is still skeptical and not entirely supportive. She's coming around but still says 'well, we'll see if you keep it off' and 'you have no idea how this will be affecting you in 5 years', both of which are true. I'm 52, she's in her mid 70s but she's still my mom and I do value her opinion and experiences...but she's just one source of information and support, not my entire world any longer.

Good luck

[theantichick 2,204]

I have three friends who are each 10 yrs or more out from RNY. They have all had incredible success long-term. Two of them did get WAY TOO skinny for a while, and had to re-adjust to get good nutrition in. They all have to take bariatric Vitamins for life. But they eat "normally" just small amounts, chewed really well, and they have to focus on Protein and nutrition when they choose their foods.

That is not to say serious malabsorption issues don't happen. Just that it's not a given.

And of course, if you choose the sleeve, malabsorption isn't an issue. If you don't take multis and eat healthy food, you run some risks of minor malnutrition, but stuff that's easily fixable and avoidable.

[Malin 470]

Your father loves you and he is worried for your safety. That is not hard to understand. The hard part is getting past that. I think it is important for him to know that you have listened and considered his concerns. It is equally important that he know that this is your decision, not his.

Life is full of what ifs. I had two friends die from this surgery years ago, which was a major factor in my putting it off for so long. But, that was years ago, and both of them were in really bad shape pre-op. When your time is up, it is up. Your chances of dying from this are about the same as dying in a wreck on the highway. As for the other complications, yeah, they are there, but there are risks we incur every day just living our lives. You know all this already. Your father does too at some level, but he has to get past the fact that it is his little girl who is going to be in danger, and there is nothing he can do about it. That is hard on a Dad, and I write that as the father of three little girls. Although they are adults, married and with children of their own, they will always be my little girls.

Talk to him and put it to him this way if you haven't already. It might not help right away, but you will have done all you can to let him know you consider his fears for your safety important.

My dad died in 1982 after a gastric bypass. I am fairly certain his surgeon was NOT trained properly in the technique--and there was a lawsuit. Despite all that, my mother (who is also a RN), opted to get a gastric sleeve, and now I am getting a gastric sleeve too. Yes, there are risks but honestly there are risks with any surgery and just from being obese in general. Thanks for giving a dad's imput, @@LittleBill

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

Malabsorbtion has a whole bunch of side effects in itself. Horrible gas, bloating, abdominal cramps and painting and foul BM. Not able to get anything except calories from food so you learn to eat great and you can't get the nutrition. Like superfoods such as kale and sweet potatoes. The Vitamins I take for the 4est of my life are fine but every once in awhile have to have Iron infusion and B12 and vit d extras because I get sick and blood work shows a huge lack in those. It's really hard to stay on top of and gets expensive. The dumping symptoms some times come out of the blue at the most inopportune times. That's another can of worms....

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Funny, I had severe Iron deficiency anemia, a vit D deficiency and a B12 deficiency BEFORE WLS. I just had my 6 month appt and my labs are all stellar. It's like I revamped my diet and started eating for fuel instead of fun...

[Jes 11]

Malabsorbtion has a whole bunch of side effects in itself. Horrible gas, bloating, abdominal cramps and painting and foul BM. Not able to get anything except calories from food so you learn to eat great and you can't get the nutrition. Like superfoods such as kale and sweet potatoes. The Vitamins I take for the 4est of my life are fine but every once in awhile have to have Iron infusion and B12 and vit d extras because I get sick and blood work shows a huge lack in those. It's really hard to stay on top of and gets expensive. The dumping symptoms some times come out of the blue at the most inopportune times. That's another can of worms....

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Funny, I had severe Iron deficiency anemia, a vit D deficiency and a B12 deficiency BEFORE WLS. I just had my 6 month appt and my labs are all stellar. It's like I revamped my diet and started eating for fuel instead of fun...

I had great health the first 4 or 5 yrs I'm only in my 30s now and body is acting like 50s or 60 s with muscles tendons bones, all that stuff because of not getting natural nutrition from real food.

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[Anna Nim 196]

You guys are all so great

Malabsorbtion has a whole bunch of side effects in itself. Horrible gas, bloating, abdominal cramps and painting and foul BM. Not able to get anything except calories from food so you learn to eat great and you can't get the nutrition. Like superfoods such as kale and sweet potatoes. The Vitamins I take for the 4est of my life are fine but every once in awhile have to have Iron infusion and B12 and vit d extras because I get sick and blood work shows a huge lack in those. It's really hard to stay on top of and gets expensive. The dumping symptoms some times come out of the blue at the most inopportune times. That's another can of worms....

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Funny, I had severe Iron deficiency anemia, a vit D deficiency and a B12 deficiency BEFORE WLS. I just had my 6 month appt and my labs are all stellar. It's like I revamped my diet and started eating for fuel instead of fun...

I had great health the first 4 or 5 yrs I'm only in my 30s now and body is acting like 50s or 60 s with muscles tendons bones, all that stuff because of not getting natural nutrition from real food.< br />
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What are you able to do about that? Is the RYN that is the issue, if you had done Sleeve would it be less? I DO worry about that, although I think I can get around it. Maybe even juicing with a nurtabullet veggies?

[Jes 11]

I have no idea about sleeve I had RNY IN 2003 at age 24. I do use ninja daily and take tons of Vitamins and supplements. still have issues with Iron, B12 and D but folic acid and Calcium are always good.

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