Obsessive dynamic with food...

[cassandramarie93 199]

I have always had a very addictive/ extreme personality and this journey has been bringing it out of me very much. I rarely eat over 400 calories a day (surgery on November 7th) my recovery was very smooth and since day 3 I began walking and slowly(ish) but surely I have been adding on to it and I'm speed walking/ working on a stationary bike everyday and never getting less then an hour and forty minutes of physical activity every day. I'm extremely proud of myself already- with that being said I also feel VERY guilty when I eat more then 400 calories a day and I don't burn at least 600 calories a day. I'm meeting my Protein and Water goals almost everyday and generally speaking I'm not feeling very weak or tired from this. I am concerned because I acknowledge these are unhealthy behaviors I'm engaging in taking this journey of health. I am scared to death this isn't going to work for me unless I pour every ounce of my determination into this. I just don't want to fail. I don't really know if I'm venting... or if I'm seeking people with similar experiences and how they handled it. Or if this is normal and I'm doing alright as long as I'm hydrated and meeting my protein goals?

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[cassandramarie93 199]

Annnd I definitely posted this in the wrong forum and don't see a way to move it.

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[Rachel79uk 31]

Hey,

I hear where you're coming from.i am due my sleeve in Feb, but I'm already worrying it won't work etc. You're really being too hard in yourself. You will do more damage than good if you keep up like this hun. You're doing amazingly well, but maybe just take done pressure off of yourself. I really hope you're OK xx

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[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

I had to increase my calories because I was too low too. I was 450-550 calories a day. I changed up my diet to have bacon or sausage for Breakfast and the higher calorie meal first thing really helped my energy. I also set an alarm on my phone for 4pm daily to have a snack. My snack is usually 1/2 cup of cottage cheese and a tbsp of sugar free jam. I feel much better and I'm still losing at a steady rate.

[cassandramarie93 199]

@@Rachel79uk I am so grateful for your support. I think perhaps I'm so zeroed in on not going overboard because my recovery was so smooth. My body hasn't rejected any of the new foods I've introduced (thus far) I'm still dealing with "head hunger" from time to time. While I definitely feel restriction while eating I read on these people who can't do more then like 3 table spoons in one sitting. I feel since I can do about 4.5 to 5 ounces I could easily over do it through out my day. Occasionally I see posts on how people had their sleeve fail them and I can't imagine how devastating that would be after putting so much effort fourth. This journey has been my light for quite awhile now and I don't want to fizzle out. I'm always okay and I wish you a smooth journey to your surgery date, you will be fantastic!

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[cassandramarie93 199]

@ this is reassuring I guess I'm weary of upping my caloric intake because I'm afraid of gaining back because my body has been adjusted to 350 calories on average since I have gotten home. I'm reassured by this that you are still losing at a steady rate. I don't generally deal with hunger through the day but at night time once I'm through with my physical activity and I'm winding down I am almost always ravenous. I'm not quite sure how to identify "head hunger" from actual hunger I guess so I generally just ignore it. How do you identify the difference between the two?

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[VSG.LinZee 36]

I completely understand your struggle- I'm almost 9 months out from the sleeve and still struggle with almost obsession. I constantly compare my loss to others, seeing they've lost more than me, and what can I do to get on track with them. I can't stay it gets any easier, but being able to know you do it is a start.

[cassandramarie93 199]

@@VSG.LinZee I'm not sure if my driven personality is a blessing or a curse. I know eventually I will be a success due to this but I'm worried about my quality of life. My family keeps reassuring me that I can "eat normally" eventually albeit much less then before in due time. I'm horrified at the concept. I ate a few bites of cranberry sauce on thanksgiving without checking how many carbs were in it and I think I almost dropped dead when I plugged it in to my daily log. I spent 2 hours of physical activity the next day to compensate for it. I can't imagine being okay with "eating normally" later on down the line because I know I will be extremely hard on myself if it hinders my progress. I've always been very in tune with what's going on within my soul due to my past and what I had to go through to get the tools to identify unhealthy behavior. This one is stumping me because in my eyes it's a "heathy" obsession even if I know there isn't such a thing lol. I'm happy to know I'm not the only one. I hope you and I can both work toward a peaceful state of mind this coming year.

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[VSG.LinZee 36]

I completely disagree with the whole "you can eat everything in moderation". It's a slippery slope!

I have a Facebook group that I'm a member of that's VERY strict about eating- and I believe it. It's https://www.facebook.com/groups/BariatricEating/. We shouldn't "treat" ourselves to things like breads and Cookies... that's how we got where we are to begin with.

I'm pretty obsessed with it right now- just started their "Back on Track- no regain" program (even though I haven't regained- the success of the people is great- so I'm going to see if I can follow until I beat goal). I'm on day 1 today. We'll see.
It must be something in your and my personality that makes us super hyper focused. It's a blessing and curse LOL.

[cassandramarie93 199]

I will be looking into this! Thanks for the pointer. I agree with you there I think due to this personality trait one trait one treat could definitely lead to two or six lol. Ive made it my mission to find bariatric versions of my favorite foods/ cravings in hopes that I won't feel like I'm missing out. Let me know how you are doing with this!

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[stacyrg2 350]

@@VSG.LinZee I'm not sure if my driven personality is a blessing or a curse. I know eventually I will be a success due to this but I'm worried about my quality of life. My family keeps reassuring me that I can "eat normally" eventually albeit much less then before in due time. I'm horrified at the concept. I ate a few bites of cranberry sauce on thanksgiving without checking how many carbs were in it and I think I almost dropped dead when I plugged it in to my daily log. I spent 2 hours of physical activity the next day to compensate for it. I can't imagine being okay with "eating normally" later on down the line because I know I will be extremely hard on myself if it hinders my progress. I've always been very in tune with what's going on within my soul due to my past and what I had to go through to get the tools to identify unhealthy behavior. This one is stumping me because in my eyes it's a "heathy" obsession even if I know there isn't such a thing lol. I'm happy to know I'm not the only one. I hope you and I can both work toward a peaceful state of mind this coming year.

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This post has me worried for you. I speak from experience. I experienced some of the same behaviors as you. Feeling "guilty" for eating, exercising to extreme to compensate, etc. I would end up on the treadmill late at night, even if I was exhausted, because I didn't think I burned enough calories. I got to the point where it started to impact my health. My cholesterol went from normal to 323. My PCP called my surgeon who made me come into the office. He walked into the room, didn't even say hello and opened the appointment with "you're slowly killing yourself and it's going to stop right now." He required me to meet with the dietitian on a bi-weekly basis for a while as well as see the program's psychologist. I was diagnosed with exercise bulimia. It took a very long time to recover both physically and mentally. Please stop this behavior while you're still early out. First, one small spoonful of cranberry sauce will not stall your weight loss, cause you to gain weight, or otherwise hurt you. Second, you can't out exercise a bad diet. Third, working out for 2 hours to burn off a bit of cranberry sauce is familiar behavior to me and is a hallmark of exercise bulimia. I would hate for you to continue down the path you're on, and develop a full blown eating disorder. Good luck.

[cassandramarie93 199]

I had no idea there was a term for what was going on. I am going to look further into this, I appreciate your input from experience. I am hoping to find the successful in between place where I can still be successful but not let this overtake the quality of my life.

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[stacyrg2 350]

I had no idea there was a term for what was going on. I am going to look further into this, I appreciate your input from experience. I am hoping to find the successful in between place where I can still be successful but not let this overtake the quality of my life.

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You can. I have, for the most part, overcome this compulsion/obsession. Yes, I'm careful with what I eat, but fear does not dictate my life. I know if I eat a cookie, I'm not going to die, I'm not going to gain all my weight back, and things will be ok. Yes, I'm 2.5 years post surgery and at goal, so I can ease up a bit. It will take work for you, but yo can do it.

[cassandramarie93 199]

@@stacyrg2 this has brought me a little bit of peace today. I am going to look to your story as a reminder of where I would like to be. Thankyou and congratulations on your success.

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[stacyrg2 350]

@@cassandramarie93 Thank you. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy or that I don't backslide. I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night and feeling for my collarbones to assure myself that I didn't gain my weight back overnight. I'm not going to tell you that it's easy for me to make the decision to take a day off from working out, or that I don't think that if I do take the day off, the number on the scale will be higher. It is difficult but worth it. If need be, talk to your Primary doctor or your surgeon or a therapist (I talk to all three). Good luck and try to relax a bit. The loss will happen for you!