Husband not on board with me having the sleeve!

[Dknal2 1,066]

Thank you. I hope so too. Your husband sounds great and even though he didn't agree he was still supportive of your decision. That's a great man. My husband is really making me feel bad about my decision . Saying he likes my shape now but wverytine that I have lost weight he couldn't keep his hands off me . I hate that I have to go in alone but oh well I am moving forward.

I started out in the same situation. I was self pay so I didn't feel right about proceeding without my husband on board.

When I first mentioned "weight loss surgery" he basically just rolled his eyes at me and told me I'm nowhere near big enough to need that. I think that people see shows like "my 600 lb life" and assume it's only for very large folks.

After I explained more about the procedure he became a little more open minded but couldn't stop himself from pointing out how I'd lost weight before, how extreme this seemed, and how he knew I could lose it on my own. I pointed out to him how many MANY times I'd lost and how it just kept coming back and my weight got higher each time. I told him how depressed and self conscious I had become and pointed out to him how recluse I was getting. My weight is a huge part of my self esteem and when it's high I just basically hate myself.

He came around when he saw how important it was to me. The day we came to the decision I told him that I didn't want to hear any more comments unless they were supportive because this was going to be really hard and I would probably even be saying afterwards that I wished I hadn't done it. I did say that at the beginning! He took my words to heart and kept his opinions to himself and showed nothing but support.

Even if your husband won't come around you need to do what is best for you. If my insurance would cover the surgery I would've gone forward even without his blessing. I know once I had it he would've cracked and taken care of me and tried to help. I'm glad it worked out the way it did because it made things easier but you have to make the best choice for you.

I really hope he changes his mind after you have the surgery because it would break my heart to think of someone's spouse being so cold that they refused to help care for their wife/husband during a difficult time.

[Dknal2 1,066]

Just so bombed out today. My surgery is Monday and my husband asked me if I was going thru with it. I told him yes. He said I'm being lazy I can exercise and do this. I argued my point about all my health issues heart prob, joint pain in my knees, sleep apnea, 3/10 of a point of being diagnosed as a full blown diabetic per my AIC but am prediabetic now,.... trying to handle this before I can't handle it and he just doesn't get it. I told him yes I have lost weight before but it has come back n he is like you are not 300 lbs I said hell I started at 242-244 lbs I was knocking at the door of 300 lbs. he was like you lost weight just now but that due to my 4 month nutrition visits with dietician. I want it to go and have a tool to help me keep it gone. I'm so hurt and feel so alone and my soul just aches. He is not showing any compassion and he says if my husband disagrees I should not have it. I'm like I have to do what I need to do to take care of me . He has been thin all his life so he doesn't understand weight struggles and think it can all be solved with gym. But it's more than just that, I been fighting this battle for 4 years and I'm doing it now. I refuse to not do it. I will just have to walk alone physically but God is an ever present factor in my life so he will be with me.

[livvsmum 2,369]

Just so bombed out today. My surgery is Monday and my husband asked me if I was going thru with it. I told him yes. He said I'm being lazy I can exercise and do this. I argued my point about all my health issues heart prob, joint pain in my knees, sleep apnea, 3/10 of a point of being diagnosed as a full blown diabetic per my AIC but am prediabetic now,.... trying to handle this before I can't handle it and he just doesn't get it. I told him yes I have lost weight before but it has come back n he is like you are not 300 lbs I said hell I started at 242-244 lbs I was knocking at the door of 300 lbs. he was like you lost weight just now but that due to my 4 month nutrition visits with dietician. I want it to go and have a tool to help me keep it gone. I'm so hurt and feel so alone and my soul just aches. He is not showing any compassion and he says if my husband disagrees I should not have it. I'm like I have to do what I need to do to take care of me . He has been thin all his life so he doesn't understand weight struggles and think it can all be solved with gym. But it's more than just that, I been fighting this battle for 4 years and I'm doing it now. I refuse to not do it. I will just have to walk alone physically but God is an ever present factor in my life so he will be with me.

If this is something that you want, don't turn away from it! At this point, you are probably not going to change his mind. Honestly, I would probably just quit engaging in the discussion. I would probably say something like, "I love you and I respect and value your opinion, but we've already discussed the reasons I believe this is best for me, and I am moving forward with it. I hope you will support me....now let's talk about something else."

[Dknal2 1,066]

Thank you for the advice. I am moving forward because this is going to help me. I wish he would show a little more compassion and support but it is what it is. I can not change his views on why I am having this surgery so I have to just move forward.

Just so bombed out today. My surgery is Monday and my husband asked me if I was going thru with it. I told him yes. He said I'm being lazy I can exercise and do this. I argued my point about all my health issues heart prob, joint pain in my knees, sleep apnea, 3/10 of a point of being diagnosed as a full blown diabetic per my AIC but am prediabetic now,.... trying to handle this before I can't handle it and he just doesn't get it. I told him yes I have lost weight before but it has come back n he is like you are not 300 lbs I said hell I started at 242-244 lbs I was knocking at the door of 300 lbs. he was like you lost weight just now but that due to my 4 month nutrition visits with dietician. I want it to go and have a tool to help me keep it gone. I'm so hurt and feel so alone and my soul just aches. He is not showing any compassion and he says if my husband disagrees I should not have it. I'm like I have to do what I need to do to take care of me . He has been thin all his life so he doesn't understand weight struggles and think it can all be solved with gym. But it's more than just that, I been fighting this battle for 4 years and I'm doing it now. I refuse to not do it. I will just have to walk alone physically but God is an ever present factor in my life so he will be with me.

If this is something that you want, don't turn away from it! At this point, you are probably not going to change his mind. Honestly, I would probably just quit engaging in the discussion. I would probably say something like, "I love you and I respect and value your opinion, but we've already discussed the reasons I believe this is best for me, and I am moving forward with it. I hope you will support me....now let's talk about something else."

[Fredbear 397]

Maybe if your husband is not on board with your decision, you need to start thinking about kicking him off the ship.

[ella37 455]

My weight starting out was not so far from yours and we are the same height. I was 229.5 on the day of surgery. If you're anything like me, then 300 and 400 lbs is in your future. I knew that my pattern would just keep going until I got there. I'd typically lose 30 or 40 and then gain it all back plus some very quickly.

You are already having significant health problems. Insurance will not cover this surgery (mine didn't) for BMI under 40 unless you have co morbid conditions. You are clearly a candidate for the surgery no matter what your husband thinks. I truly hope he has a change of heart when he realizes that this is happening and being a jerk isn't going to stop it.

This can be a complex emotional issues for some husbands, some actually want you to stay fat for other reasons. Maybe he thinks you'll leave him if you lose the weight. I have no idea but he needs to put your health first. If he still can not get on board once it's clear that you're doing this then maybe some marital counseling is in order!

[Dknal2 1,066]

that's a good one

Maybe if your husband is not on board with your decision, you need to start thinking about kicking him off the ship.

[Dknal2 1,066]

I think I have just resolved in my head that he is very insecure and figured I'm doing this for vain reasons . I don't think he feels like men are interested in me right now and that will change after surgery. I'm tired of reassuring him about how things are not gonna change. He doesn't want to hear it. At this point I'm tired of fussing about it. I'm putting it in Gods hands and letting it go. I told him insurance companies do not want to pay for this surgery so if for medical reasons I did not qualify they would not have approved me. But, again this is like talking to a wall. I will do what I have planned to do and will continue to pray for strength throughout this process for myself as well as my marriage. I'm just really hurt because I feel so alone.

My weight starting out was not so far from yours and we are the same height. I was 229.5 on the day of surgery. If you're anything like me, then 300 and 400 lbs is in your future. I knew that my pattern would just keep going until I got there. I'd typically lose 30 or 40 and then gain it all back plus some very quickly.

You are already having significant health problems. Insurance will not cover this surgery (mine didn't) for BMI under 40 unless you have co morbid conditions. You are clearly a candidate for the surgery no matter what your husband thinks. I truly hope he has a change of heart when he realizes that this is happening and being a jerk isn't going to stop it.

This can be a complex emotional issues for some husbands, some actually want you to stay fat for other reasons. Maybe he thinks you'll leave him if you lose the weight. I have no idea but he needs to put your health first. If he still can not get on board once it's clear that you're doing this then maybe some marital counseling is in order!