Why can't I get the support I need[emoji17]

[janedoe92 260]

So I went to my aunts house she tells me my mom told her that I'm having surgery so I was like oh yeah I'm going to I'm just getting everything in order or whatever and telling her stuff and she's like well you know you can't eat this and have to do this and telling me how her coworker got it and stuff, so that automatically makes her an expert. It annoyed me because it's like everyone's expecting me to fail. It makes me so heartbroken more so than mad. Like it's easy to say to myself fuck them don't pay attention to them, but mentally it's really starting to get to me

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[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@janedoe92 I'm so sorry My mom (and I'm 52 years old!) was VERY unsupportive initially, but once I put my foot down and told her that I care too much about myself to NOT have this surgery, she came around.

People oppose what they don't understand, you know? And when they're afraid it may hurt you more than help you, they oppose it even more. Reassure them, tell them about your surgeon and your program and tell them how important it is to your success and future health to have their support. I laid it on my mom so thick that she would have had to say "I don't want you to be healthy" to continue to argue against my WLS.

Good luck, and you'll get lots of info and support here that you can share with your family to help get them on board.

[Seevan 32]

Don't give up on yourself. Family gonna give U their view point,whether you ask for it or not. Some of my family was opposed to me doing too. But I feel better. 30lbs lighter. Handle your business. When people aren't overweight they don't know the burden you carry. Encourage yourself...

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[Raechel 75]

Yeah I had the issue for a while too. Only my family knows that when I want something I'm going to do what I have to do to get it. So they don't even try to fight too much lol but just go for what YOU feel is right. You're an adult and can make those types of decisions for yourself. Once they see the health benefits and know that you're really serious about it they'll come around!

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[MissJDVSG 129]

One thing I noticed, and this may or may not be accurate for your situation, is that when I told people who had issues with their weight or who are overweight, they were (at least initially) a lot less supportive than when I told my healthier friends. Maybe your aunt is just projecting her own insecurities onto you because she sees that you're being proactive and maybe she isn't (remember, even some skinny people really struggle with their weight or to stay skinny).

This is just my thought on your situation. In the end, you're an adult and you have to be your own best friend and cheerleader sometimes. I wish more people would be supportive, and you can certainly try to explain things to them to try to make them supportive, but in the end only your own support and approval matter. Plus you've got us! Feel free to message me if you ever need to rant/talk/whatever!

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[southbound 159]

I'm almost two months out, my mom still doesn't know. I'm 39...and I don't plan on telling her. I don't see her very often and she thinks WLS is the easy way out. Tell that to some one who hasn't had it, huh!?! I only told my best friend(she's my person) and my husband and my oldest son. Everyone else thought it was a hernia repair...it was, just a little more than that! . My husband was initially against it because he had talked to people who were "experts" because they knew someone who had it. But 36 pounds later...he's a firm believer!

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Jesus loves you!!!

[My4Brownies 283]

I hate we have to get the negative from people..we all have..but those same people either understand and won't take the journey or don't understand and haven't googled or research our feelings and choice and love us regardless without the negative...My youngest sister/bff , my daughter and 2. Co workers know ( in which one has been giving me the cold shoulder since I told her..she was supposed to go thru this with me but bailed n then was surprised I was still meeting and counseling) Some don't understand this was deep thought, research and prayer for 2yrs for me..I have NEVER else ted to have a procedure EVER done to me that wasn't necessary for my life...I know this was and still is for a happy, healthy life for me...It seems kinda out of body experience still for me (November 9th sleeve) but I have NO regrets for bettering my lifestyle..This site helped me more than anything..the journey people are taking makes it realistic for me..all the bumps and brusies and beauties of it...I needed my body to help me make good choices because my mind wasn't.. At 47 I feel like 47 more and counting for me and my kids..adventured are endless.Again this site is my support family..????????????

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[ppressey24 254]

Janedoe92, people do insert foot in mouth alot of times. But you have to just really explain to them that you are very informed on what youre about to do, if you have to take them to a support group meeting with you, or to meet your surgeon, then do it. Im 51, the only child, and my mother wasnt supportive at first to the idea and ill tell you why. Ive always been 145lb, never had a issue with my weight. Flight attendant for 18yrs, out in the publics eye. We hit some very hard turbulence and dropped 500ft and i was up in the back of aircraft. We dropped, i hit the top of aircraft and broke my back, tore the ACL in my right knee and had to have emergency surgery. 3 months later, they found out i had MS and so everything they gave me for medicine had steriods in it. Arthritis set in and i was given fusions with bags of steriods and the weight just poured on. My face blew up so bad you could see that i was on alot of steriods for inflammation and pain. I put on almost 175lbs that i couldnt get off myself. Then i had to get off the steriods if i wanted to have this sugery. Once i started to look into this process, i took my mom with me to the dr so that she could learn more about this process also. Yes, they all may know someone that has had this surgery, but their experience maybe completely different from yours. You say WlS and everyone thinks off gastric and oh, you cant eat this, you cant eat that, theyre not informed. After taking my mother to the group meeting, she hugged me so tight and apologized for not being supportive from the start, having faith in me that im going to make the best decision for myself and not just rush into anything. So darlin, talk to your aunt, let her know that youre not her coworker, and if SHE hasnt had the surgery herself, she doesnt know what we go through personally and before saying something so negative about whats getting ready to be a major part of your life, help me, dont speak on something that she doesnt know anything about personally, in a nice way. Im 7wks post op and ive lost now a total of 75lbs since may and my parents are so happy for me. My mom looks at me and say she has her baby back. Just these past 3yrs since my accident at work, ive had back surgery, double knee surgery, neck surgery, cardiac arrest do to over dosing on pain meds, depression. And this is from being overweight for 3yrs. I walked into the hospital 7wks ago on a walker because of my arthritis. With this weight loss, ive been able to walk 3 miles a day. I can run behind my granddaughter, something that i couldnt do prior to the surgery. So girl, i wouldnt care who had something to say, you do you. If YOU being overweight is affecting YOUR life, do what YOU need to do because youre the only 1 carrying that weight. Like ShelterDog64 said, let them know that their support is so important to you.

I know that ive probably said way to much.....lol but reading your post really hit home to me because ive been there. We will encourage you here. And as a mother and a aunt, if my daughter or niece came to me, needing my encouragement on anything, im going to be there and they will to, just inform them. Now that ive written this novel, im going to say goodnight. Be encouraged

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[Aggiemae 739]

Ok, first off I'm a mother of five an auntie to 6 and a granny to 2 . I would never never never talk to any of then this way.

I could rant for two pages but let's cut to the chase...

You are FINE. Your family however sis lacking and compassion and kindness. And I might add has some serious issues with boundaries issues as well.

Did I mention that I would never ever talk like this to someone who is so desperate to lose weight that they are having major surgery?

It's your journey. Maybe dumping the negativity should go hand in hand with losing the weight.

[janedoe92 260]

@@janedoe92 I'm so sorry My mom (and I'm 52 years old!) was VERY unsupportive initially, but once I put my foot down and told her that I care too much about myself to NOT have this surgery, she came around.

People oppose what they don't understand, you know? And when they're afraid it may hurt you more than help you, they oppose it even more. Reassure them, tell them about your surgeon and your program and tell them how important it is to your success and future health to have their support. I laid it on my mom so thick that she would have had to say "I don't want you to be healthy" to continue to argue against my WLS.

Good luck, and you'll get lots of info and support here that you can share with your family to help get them on board.

Yeah my mom was a struggle to get on board just because another one of my dumb aunts told her how her coworker gained all her weight back and had sooo many issues, so my mom went to my seminar to learn more, and told her sisters, which I believe why they're all thinking they can have an opinion about it, but I just told my mom stop telling everyone, and it may seem rude, but I also told her I didn't really want her involved in any of it

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[tamirn 90]

Some people worry out of genuine concern for your well being and some are just HATERS..

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[janedoe92 260]

One thing I noticed, and this may or may not be accurate for your situation, is that when I told people who had issues with their weight or who are overweight, they were (at least initially) a lot less supportive than when I told my healthier friends. Maybe your aunt is just projecting her own insecurities onto you because she sees that you're being proactive and maybe she isn't (remember, even some skinny people really struggle with their weight or to stay skinny).

This is just my thought on your situation. In the end, you're an adult and you have to be your own best friend and cheerleader sometimes. I wish more people would be supportive, and you can certainly try to explain things to them to try to make them supportive, but in the end only your own support and approval matter. Plus you've got us! Feel free to message me if you ever need to rant/talk/whatever!

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Thank you so much! And you know what I never thought of it that way, but my aunts are overweight and this particular aunt lost a lot of weight but has since gained a good amount back, so you definitely have a valid point. I'm so happy I've found this forum it's been such a huge help:)

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[janedoe92 260]

I'm almost two months out, my mom still doesn't know. I'm 39...and I don't plan on telling her. I don't see her very often and she thinks WLS is the easy way out. Tell that to some one who hasn't had it, huh!?! I only told my best friend(she's my person) and my husband and my oldest son. Everyone else thought it was a hernia repair...it was, just a little more than that! . My husband was initially against it because he had talked to people who were "experts" because they knew someone who had it. But 36 pounds later...he's a firm believer!

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Jesus loves you!!!

Isn't it funny how people are suddenly experts just by knowing someone that had WLS lol if only they'd actually educate themselves

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[sugarbear234 17]

Everyone can't go into your destiny. Some people only like you broken. When you decide to change not everyone is happy. The negatively will effect your success and your mental health in this process.

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[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

Just a thought. Your family has seen you fail before and they don't want to see you go to surgery and fail again.