My Father is against surgery

[Siyaa Ela 59]

Hi peepz

So today my father is going to know about my surgery. I want to tell him because i want support from my parents because they mean so much to me

But im afraid that he is going to he totally against it because he worries about me.

How can i convince him that being fat is life threathing and eating me alive. Litteraly.

He will typically say that i just need to excercise and eat healthy. Or just go away from food at all. He really doesn't know my struggle. Actually i dont have a very good relationship with him. But some how his approval makes me more confident in my surgery

Dont know what to say at this point. Im 100% sure i want this surgery baby!

Thanks for reading my rant again haha i just love the fact that i can dump my feelings on here becausr im alone in this. I have no support whatsoever.

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[Fredbear 397]

If you're an adult; why does it matter what your father thinks?

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

My dad would be against surgery as well. My mom died 8 months after gastric bypass. It wasn't known that she had lung cancer and her body couldn't fight the cancer and heal from surgery at the same time. The surgery didn't cause her to die but my dad is VERY much against it. I simply told my dad that I over produced ghrelin the hormone that causes hunger (true) and that I was having surgery to remove a stomach ulcer and reduce the ghrelin (also true). He is happy that I've been losing weight since the surgery.

[Treadmillwalker 486]

Explain to him weightloss surgery is a tool to help keep from yo yo dieting and improve your life and health. Help him to understand you have done your research and don't take this lightly. Ask for his love and support.

Had lapband surgery 10/12/16

[macon_me 68]

I'm really close to my family but I knew they were against surgery so I waited until the day of surgeryand sent this message:

If you're receiving this message I'm already in the operating room getting laproscopic gastric sleeve surgery. I didn't tell any of you because I wanted this to be my choice. I educated myself through kaiser's options program for over 3 months. I love you all. I have to stay overnight I'm at harbor city kaiser in the Vermont Pavillion. I would love for you guys to be there for my dismissal because the doctor is going to give you information on how to deal with a family member who has undergone bariatric surgery. My friend is with me. Please don't be mad at her I made her swear to secrecy. Hope to see you soon

sleeved November 8th. 27yrs. HW 273 SW 233 CW 221. IG @macon_me

[Raymia 565]

Saving this...

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[Montana Gal 448]

I did not tell my father. I am 9 months post op and he still does not know, nor will he ever. When I do see him and he notices my weight loss I will just tell him I am eating a high Protein, low carb diet and exercising more....which is true. My weight has been an unhealthy focus of my father's since I was 14. He is about 1000 miles away, so that makes it a lot easier for me. I understand why it is important to you to have your father's support, but you will do great without it as well. This is your life and yours alone. Best wishes and good luck!

[Butterflywarrior 241]

This is rough especially when ur parents mean so much to you. I'm not close to my dad either and last time I wrote him about my considering surgery and my terrible health problems, he wrote back that I needed to stop eating so much and exercise more!!

Mind you, he's fat!

Anyways, I realized he doesn't get it, tge end it's my life, not his

On the other hand. I have a very good friend who was totally again surgery, showing me all kinds of ppl who lost weight the old way and how I could do it too! Omg, she was driving me up tge wall actually talked about her in my therapy session because she was so persistent and persuasive lol plus I wanted her support so I finally thought to invite her to a support group meeting and she came!! It totally changed everything and opened her eyes... she now supports me fully so maybe your parents will attend a support group meeting or orientation perhaps?

Also, if they bring up anything about the old fashioned way, pull out the research that shows, even the biggest looser doesn't work, weight watchers , Jenny Craig...none if them can hold a candle to WLS in long term successful weight loss for truly overweight ppl.!!

[NotOnMyWatch 54]

Why tell people if you think they won't support you? Now is the time to surround yourself with positivity. Skip telling him. Better for your mental health. And at least 75% of this journey is mental.

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[Brandeis 401]

I think the big thing that could help you is pointing out statistics about the long term failure of weight loss without surgery -- which was a huge part of why I got surgery in the first place. In fact, keeping off weight after you've lost quite a bit is a near impossible task.

Two people of the exact same height & weight; one has always been this BMI, and the other was once obese, and lost the weight. The person who ever was heavy has to consume much fewer calories in a day simply to MAINTAIN this weight.

It's not simply as easy as 'diet and exercise'. For most of us, a change has been made to how we metabolize food, and how our body stores away calories in fat, leaving us heavy even when we're being careful.

[ryan_86 335]

I thought my father would be the same way. I told him I wanted to talk to him after work. Before I went over, I printed out two things: detailed information on the surgeries, and a couple charts I amde showing my weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol over the past several years. I did that because I wanted to make it clear that I HAD lost weight several times, and put on more after, and most importantly, my health was in danger. My main point was that the risk of surgery was outweighed by the certainty of bad health and early death if I continued on my path, and I saw no other way off that path.

My father had his concerns, but he was ultimately successful. In part that's because he knows others who have had the surgery (it's more and more common), and in part because of the information I was able to give him and questions I was able to answer, and in part because he knew I was set on my path and that if he loved me, he would support me.

I found out after that the surgery that my parents and other family members had been much more nervous than they let on, but they supported me before and they continue to support me after.

I hope everything with your father goes well, and I wish you the best of luck as you move forward.

[Siyaa Ela 59]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I made up my mind about my path. And even though my dad is a big naysayer im not going to listen to him.

Im 26 years old going in 27 in january. The last thing i need is approval from my dad. But knowing that he kinda supports me makes this ride less uncomfortable. But i know that i cant make everybody happy

I can only make myself happy.

So yeah thanks for your replies and suggestions. Makes it alot easier to deal with this. But im pretty sure he is going to be totally against it but i wont let him come in front my goal.

See ya guys later❤❤????????????

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[Aggiemae 739]

Don't ask him what he thinks. Explain why you are doing this and ask for his support. If he starts grieving his opinion tell him you love him but are past the point of advice or discussion and ask him again to just support your choice.

[MissJDVSG 129]

If you don't want to deal with negativity, don't tell people who you know don't support you. Especially in the pre op and early post op stages it seems like having a solid support group around you is supremely important (so I've read, I'm still pre-op). It might be too late for your dad (since it seems like you might have told him) but keep that in mind for other people in your life.

I'm 27 and I told my parents only as a FYI. In these kinds of situations you need to worry about your goals and happiness! ❤️

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Edited November 21, 2016 by MissJDVSG

[Heatgirl03 41]

I haven't told my Dad either. I'm super close with him and I know he will worry to death and I feel guilty because I don't want any added stress to him. My Mom passed 4 years ago and she would be the one to talk to him about it. (She would always explain better than I would for some reason) I'm going to tell him when I get my surgery date and after the Holidays. I hope all goes well for you! Good Luck!

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