Privacy, dealing with comments, Holiday eating

[SleevedStephanie 1]

Hi all,

I'm new to this community so I am not sure if this has been posted before or if I'm posting in the right section.

I had my gastric sleeve in July 2016.

28F. Height 5ft 0in

SW 168

CW 124

GW 104

I receive constant comments at work, such as "you're wasting away!" "You're SO thin," "You've lost too much weight!" And so on and so forth. Every day at work, someone makes a comment about my weight and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I even walked up to a desk one time and heard people talking about me. I get asked how I lost the weight and I meekly respond with "calorie counting and exercise."

I have kept my WLS private and I intend to keep it as such. Any one have any advice in how to respond to such comments?

Also in regards to privacy, I do not know what to say to my friends and family when they see I have only eaten a bite or two...I am very worried how to approach Holiday meals and explain to family why I am eating so little. I don't want people to think I have an eating disorder...thoughts, suggestions? I am at a complete loss!

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Edited November 14, 2016 by SleevedStephanie

[Recycled 2,182]

Hey, it may not work for your type of personality.....but I have found the shock of sarcasm to be very effective in dealing with most people. And even if it isn't......it's funny for me.

[krissyleigh 30]

Great question. I'm only 2 weeks out but worry about these things toom

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[TiredOfMyself 141]

I worry about this as well, we go to a huge thanksgiving dinner and I know there will be comments. I just don't want to deal with it.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

If you don't want to talk about surgery, you can just say "I'm working with my doctor on weight loss and am under strict orders to eat very small portions and a low carb diet."

If they say, "come on, it's Thanksgiving, take the day off!" you say, "no thank you, my doctor and I agreed that taking the day off is one of the things that has led me to repeated negative food patterns in the past, so I won't be taking any days off until I've reached my goal weight and maintained successfully for several months."

If they say, just take a bite of pie, it won't kill you! You can say, "no thank you, I don't eat that kind of food right now." (Note - don't say you can't eat it, say you don't eat it -- in my experience saying you don't eat that food is much less likely to lead people into arguing with you that yes you can eat it. Same with "I shouldn't eat it" -- don't say that, it just makes people argue with you. "I don't eat that" tends to be very effective).

If they say, "Gosh, you are wasting away, you are too thin" you can reply "thanks for noticing my weight loss, I've been working hard at it." If they want to keep going with their rude comments, keep repeating the exact same thing. They'll eventually get the point that they are being rude. Good luck!

[laceemouse 631]

Put a small spoonful of each thing on your plate and taste a little bit of each item. I can't believe people are going to fuss at an adult for not cleaning their plate.

OR, just put healthy things like turkey and some veggies on your plate and say you are eating healthy these days.

Let's face it, we have all tried a million different diets and failed at all of them. Just say you are working with your doctor and finally found a program that works for you. That would be the truth anyway right?

As far as people saying you are getting too thin that just sounds like jealousy. I would be tempted to print out a BMI chart and post it in the break room, most people would be shocked to see what a "healthy weight" really is. Most people that we consider normal are at least in the overweight range. I am not saying BMI is perfect or that we all have to get down to "healthy" BMI, but if you can and want to that's great!

[theantichick 2,204]

I personally think a lot of it is how you approach it. My sis had VSG a few years ago, and she lectures everyone constantly at family gatherings about how she has to eat now, and how to lose weight. It's so bad that our Mom's biggest concern with me getting the surgery is that I won't be any fun to have get-togethers with or go out to eat with anymore. But I've gone out to eat since then, and I just order what sounds good, get a takeaway box early on to separate out what I won't be eating, and when I'm full I just push stuff around on my plate. Have never had anyone really even notice.

I made the choice to be open about my surgery to pretty much everyone. I don't talk about it at work much because I don't talk a lot about my personal life at work in general. But people who notice the loss and ask, I tell them I had the surgery and am doing great. Sometimes they want more information, and my nurse educator hat goes on. I take it as an opportunity to get good information out there about weight loss and why diet and exercise aren't the right answer for everyone. But that's me. I blog and am generally "out there" about most things in my life. LOL.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

@@Recycled Really love your comment... I have tried the... be nice answers... now i just say, i like me... but thanks anyway.

@@SleevedStephanie If your not into the "shock and aww"... i would simply say, I'm working on getting myself healthy and fit. You may think im to thin, but my body doesn't agree yet and when it's at a comfortable weight, it will tell me.

Eating... well sit against the wall and feed the dog under the table... hehe.. JK..... i put small spoonfuls of the things i like and can eat on my plate... i eat that... when someone says.... Is that all your going to eat... say yes, i have some place else to go after and i don't want to fill up here...but everything is delish.....

I normally lose weight during holidays and vacations... for some reason i get hyper aware of everything i eat and really eat conscientiously....

[sleeveisa 333]

My response to who ever ask you why I r not eating enough. I ate earliar and not that hungry and that's it. If at work people will always talk. They r jealous. Keep your chin up. You got this and you are worth it.

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[StephanieS0208 39]

This is a slippery slope for me. Anytime, I have lost weight before, I've been outright and honest. My last major diet I worked in an office but now I work from home. Luckily, that aspect is gone.

I know people that have had surgery and when asked they reply with counting calories, eat less exercise more, medically supervised diet. I don't know. Part of me wants to be honest because people with average sized stomachs just can not really eat like a weight loss surgery patient. I would feel slightly deceitful but I'm not sure how to deal either. That kind of stuff isn't covered during the process and it should be because no matter how much support the bariatric center thinks you should have, it doesn't always align with real life or your comfort level. Mean people and opinions don't magically disappear.

That all being said, I know exactly how you feel!!! None of my family, friends, or boyfriend's family knows about surgery. Thanksgiving will be a challenge and it's hard to say "no" especially because effort was put into making everyone food.

I intend to not sit at the "main table." There will be enough people that I can give up my seat and then I can sit on the couch. Fill up plate, nibble, fold plate in half, throw away. If that is not feasible, maybe you can say you already had a large lunch before arriving? You could feign being sick?

As you can see, I'm conflicted too.

Best of luck!

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[Treadmillwalker 486]

My plan is like sleeveisa's. I plan to say "I nibbled all day as I prepared food that now I'm stuffed."

Had lapband surgery 10/12/16

[sleeveisa 333]

Good feedback

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[sleeveisa 333]

It's ashame that we have explain ourselves.

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[StephanieS0208 39]

It's ashame that we have explain ourselves.

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It seems to me that it is women that question and probe for answers. My boyfriend's best friend knows. I told him. He said "Oh that's great. I hope you meet your goals." Nothing more said except "how are you feeling? You look so good considering surgery was a week ago."

Then there was my stepmom and sister. This was during pre-op. I had a Protein shake and said I was on a medically supervised weight loss plan. They said things like "Why not do this?" "have you tried that?" "We have seen this before. Just eat less. Eat smaller meals." "Why not try WW, Atkins, etc?" "Are you counting calories?"

I think it's the nature of the beast. Men have evolved to not say things about weight towards a women. Some women on the other hand think they can say whatever they want to another woman without any consideration for boundaries or tact. Imagine a woman scorning a man for the way he's raising his child to his face. It just doesn't happen. Yet women are ridiculed for feeding their babies in public.

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[SOON_TO_BE_THIN 25]

Funny. I have been wondering how I will deal with these same questions...I'm on day 5 so hasn't come up.

I have a coworker who lost a bunch of weight a couple years ago. I "think" I know she had WLS, but she didn't offer and it really wasn't anyone's business.

I do remember she would load a plate of food....eat slowly (slower than others so she was eating about the same amount of time)....and then Use her napkin to cover her plate when she was done. I'm a freakishly observant person, so only I picked up how much food was under her napkin. I plan to use that trick.

I'm just going to say "thanks, I've been working hard" and if they want to think something else or gossip about me/etc, shame on them. It's really nobody's business but yours.

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