mean people

[lau1875 2]

I am almost 60 days post op. I am having a so so time. this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. The biggest problem I'm having is the lack of support for my family and friends. my sister who I thought was my biggest supporter turns out to be trying to sabotage me. every time I'm with her she always is offering me food for offering to go out to eat or trying to give me alcohol. I heard her talking to another family member about how upset she is that I'm losing so much weight and she's trying to lose weight The right way. she said she would be damn if she will have me become skinnier than her so she's trying to make me fail. this is very hurtful why would somebody do this? I have a long road to go and I'm just afraid that I'm not gonna be able to go through it alone.

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[sleeved_fit_diva 24]

Sometimes family is your hardest critics, therefore share ur concerns with like minded folks. Those who understand ur struggle. Avoid doing things that involves eating because you know she is trying to sabotage you. Why put yourself in harm way. U have to stay focus on your journey and not worry about the nay sayers

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[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@lau1875 I think the best thing for you to do is lose the weight and smile at her a lot You didn't take the 'wrong' or 'easy' way, you took a path that will make it possible for you to lose weight that negatively affects your health. Maybe she ought to consider it? And statistically, you'll keep the weight off and she'll gain most of what she loses back. Be proud of your choice and ignore her attempts to sabotage you!

[macon_me 68]

Idky other people like to focus on the post op weight loss but we've all lost a significant amount of weight during the pre-op. Just remember the surgery monitors the amount of food intake not the kind of food. Youre making you're own decisions for a better healthier life and maybe offer her help because we've all been through this weight loss battle but don't allow her to steal your victories

[My4Brownies 283]

My co worker was happy for me..we were going to go thru the journey together n she bailed..all the way b4 my surgery she made comments of doing it her way and I don't k ock anyone's method but I have been battling my weight for 20yrs n 2 yes preparing myself for my sleeve.. I needed my body to put me in the right direction because mentally I failed me..cleanses, diets, pills..etc..I am not regretful for my decision at all..I'm proud of myself for finally making this choice for me. My life and my health...

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[Travelher 915]

I am almost 60 days post op. I am having a so so time. this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. The biggest problem I'm having is the lack of support for my family and friends. my sister who I thought was my biggest supporter turns out to be trying to sabotage me. every time I'm with her she always is offering me food for offering to go out to eat or trying to give me alcohol. I heard her talking to another family member about how upset she is that I'm losing so much weight and she's trying to lose weight The right way. she said she would be damn if she will have me become skinnier than her so she's trying to make me fail. this is very hurtful why would somebody do this? I have a long road to go and I'm just afraid that I'm not gonna be able to go through it alone.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Your sister clearly has issues and that is HER problem. Don't make it yours. I get that it is hurtful feeling betrayed by someone you trusted. I grew up with a mother who berated me for my weight from an early age. I was told things like people don't hire fat people. At my own wedding she slapped my hand away when I reached for a bun in the bread basket. I wasted a lot of years being angry at her for something that I realized was HER issue and I had made it mine. After that I realized I needed to feel sorry for her not mad at her. And it was her issue and it was there (in her case) because she grew up with a horribly abusive mother. At 110lbs she can not get skinny enough to be satisfied. When I let that go I started being happy in my own body no matter what. Now I'm doing surgery for my health not so satisfy my or anyone else's neurosis or problems...so when my mom told me my weight loss goal is not low enough..I just sigh and remind myself it is her problem raising it's ugly head and I let it go, instead of letting it derail me.

You can do this! I believe in you. Go to a local support group. Find people who do support you and spend some time with them. If I can resist the urge to kill my hubby and steal his popcorn (my kryptonite) you can too.

Also, call her out on her crap. Next time she does it confront her...she needs to know what she is doing is destructive for her...not just you and it is not ok for her to treat you like that.

[Butterflywarrior 241]

She's just jealous... ignore em!! So not worth the energy...

[Fredbear 397]

Also, call her out on her crap. Next time she does it confront her...she needs to know what she is doing is destructive for her...not just you and it is not ok for her to treat you like that.

I just asked my sister (who has had a bypass) what she thought of this post, and her response was "Grab her by the hair and slam her face into a car door."

I guess I never realized how competitive my sisters were when I was growing up, sheesh! That what I get for being the baby...

Edited November 12, 2016 by Fredbear

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am almost 60 days post op. I am having a so so time. this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. The biggest problem I'm having is the lack of support for my family and friends. my sister who I thought was my biggest supporter turns out to be trying to sabotage me. every time I'm with her she always is offering me food for offering to go out to eat or trying to give me alcohol. I heard her talking to another family member about how upset she is that I'm losing so much weight and she's trying to lose weight The right way. she said she would be damn if she will have me become skinnier than her so she's trying to make me fail. this is very hurtful why would somebody do this? I have a long road to go and I'm just afraid that I'm not gonna be able to go through it alone.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Wow. It sounds like your sister has some serious issues. All I can suggest off the top of my head is to: 1) love her, 2) set and enforce the boundaries that you need to take care of yourself, 3) talk with a professional therapist or counselor about healthy ways of coping and interacting with her if you need guidance, and 3) take care of yourself first.

Although it may seem impossible, please try not to take her actions and attitude personally. Marshall all of your other resources: this site, a support group, your Bariatric team, a therapist or counselor, books/reading, etc.

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Hammer_Down 631]

Bear in mind that someone who confesses that they are trying to compromise your success because they are jealous of you is someone you should have limited contact with.

If you were trying to give up alcohol and you found out she was slipping it into your glass because she didn't want you to be free of alcohol (perhaps because it would draw attention to her own problem) what would you say?

I would confront her directly that you know she isn't happy for you or proud of you, and in fact admitted to trying to sabotage you. I'd inform her that you'll be limiting contact for the time being because that is absolutely not the behaviour of someone who loves you. It sounds as though as long as you are bigger than her, she feels superior to you.

I don't keep toxic people around me. I'm not going to disown someone in my family for praying that I will fail in life, but I'm certainly not going to invite poison to my table, either.