How did WLS effect your marriage...

[Who'sThere 331]

@@bayougirlmrsc, pm sent

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using the BariatricPal App

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

@@Babbs

Don't dash my dreams, I am just thinking having a man in the house and not having to make dates would mean daily instead of weekly sex.

The problem is that you have to find a man who can keep up with you. I'm a very happy husband and my friends are jealous and envious by they also admit that they couldn't do what we do. Without getting into too much detail, I hit my 20% of my total weight goal today and my reward involves my wife, a naughty outfit, candles and the great outdoors. I mentioned that I hit my goal and my coworkers are aware of our "reward" system and they asked for what it is and I gave them the details that they asked for. The guys were envious but said that there is no way. The girls (who know my wife) were asking can you really do that? I can now! Thanks VSG!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@

Believe me I know the problem is finding one that can keep up. It is hard to find a man into health and fitness in his 40s. I could date 30 year olds but I am resisting that route for now. I have always liked a silver fox, don't want to change now.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

It really depends on the state of the relationship before the surgery. No doubt it changes the power dynamics of a relationship. If a spouse has issues and a fat spouse, then some will think "well they won't cheat because no one will want them." Then the spouse loses weight and becomes attractive, and suddenly the perspective changes.

All that said, for both spouses of both sexes...Please don't do anything for the first six months. The hormone changes are dramatic. Let everything settle down before making major relationship changes. I was a major sexual idiot for a few months following surgery (I am single). Realize that can play into the dynamic too.

So, there are many factors at play in relationships following surgery. Very few people seem to realize the power of the hormone dump and how a change in appearance can affect a relationship.

Ultimately...do it for your health.

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

In the words of Austin "Danger" Powers, I'm spent baby, yeah!

[HuneComz 103]

My husband loved me when we met and I was "skinny," and he is just as in love with me now that I am overweight.

We gained this weight together and I hope my WLS will benefit him and our children and give everyone healthier eating habits.

I want to lose weight for myself and my health and I want to be skinny and "hot" again for HIM. I am not worried about anyone else out there. I think he knows that, too. I have never given him a reason to be concerned, and I don't plan to post-op.

[Vinasu 621]

The surgery has been great for my marriage. My husband was always the healthy, active one. He and the kids would go skiing, hiking, fishing together on weekends, and I simply couldn't keep up. Now, though, we can do even more together. I'm even taking the kids out (we did a scavenger hunt this weekend, and a trampoline park last one) without him when he is working weekends. We are all much happier.

He'll also been great about food. If he is craving junk food, he'll eat it for lunch at work. He doesn't bring it home. He also has been great at restaurants. We'll scour the menu for food I can eat, and then order one or two items and eat family- style with the kids. There is more than enough food on two plates to feed the four of us most of the time.

I'm not saying we have the perfect marriage. He is an alcoholic and I have been very hormonal. But we're pretty much together forever. Weight loss did not add to the stressors already present. It has, though, changed a lot of our dynamics.

As a bonus, sex is much better.......

Sent from my SM-G925V using the BariatricPal App

[Noname22 175]

This. A million times this.

All that said, for both spouses of both sexes...Please don't do anything for the first six months. The hormone changes are dramatic. Let everything settle down before making major relationship changes.

[Joy@boman 151]

It is a huge change. Especially if someone was big their whole life.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[QueenOfTheTamazons 634]

Im only 5 weeks post op and married for one year (thou we have lived together for 7). I dont think that WLS will change us too much. We are both doing the surgery and we both have been big since we met, though this is the biggest.

There may be some male attention jealously as I have been told I am pretty (while fat) and that "when your skinny you will have cheekbones for days".

Ask me again in a year though.

This is me (with full makeup) at 375.

HW 385 SW 359 CW 335 (50lbs down!) Sleeved 10/5/16

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

My husband loved me when we met and I was "skinny," and he is just as in love with me now that I am overweight.

We gained this weight together and I hope my WLS will benefit him and our children and give everyone healthier eating habits.

I want to lose weight for myself and my health and I want to be skinny and "hot" again for HIM. I am not worried about anyone else out there. I think he knows that, too. I have never given him a reason to be concerned, and I don't plan to post-op.

This was exactly me 7 years ago...... When we got together i was a size 0... 35-22-36.. We also gained together, just he is 6'4" and the weight wasn't bad on him. I on the other hand am 5'2" and was 230... can you say "linebacker"...

I lost weight for the very reason you said... to get healthy for me and to be skinny/hot for him.... He can't handle how things are now... hate the attention i now get. There are other problems too... but for the most part it's his inability to handle my "new" attitude towards life.... Life is too short to live un happy.... live for today...

[theantichick 2,204]

I think that any major change with one person in a marriage just highlights and exacerbates the cracks that were already there.

One of my BFF's had WLS (bypass) before I met her. Her husband was controlling and incredibly tempermental before, but things seemed to be OK before the surgery. After she lost so much weight and had a boob job, other men started paying a LOT of attention to her and her career improved dramatically. Even though she didn't do anything to encourage those other guys or compromise her marriage, her husband started getting irrationally angry at her, and things escalated to the point police had to be involved, and the divorce was super ugly. The WLS didn't cause any of it, but the underlying problems that were there got a lot worse.

I know if I'd had this when married to my Ex#2, it would have been an unmitigated disaster, if he'd even allowed me to do it. Every time I tried to get healthier in that marriage, he sabotaged it. So I know he'd have somehow kept me from doing it or continued to sabotage me.

My current hubby is awesome, and we have a great relationship. So far, it hasn't caused any tensions. We're still figuring out the whole cooking and healthier foods in the house, but we're working together to do it. He has never had any kind of real weight problem, but has put on a few pounds since we got married and his shirts aren't fitting well anymore, so he's wanting to join me with the exercise and eating healthier. We approach everything as a team, so I don't forsee any problems with the WLS. And it only took me three tries to find him!!

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@bayougirlmrsc

Had my bypass 2 years ago, and I just celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary on Halloween. My marriage has always been good and my husband extremely supportive. Don't get me wrong, we all have our moments but we are best friends. He is obese himself and I believe some day will end up taking the plunge as well. When he does, I will be just as supportive for him.

He is very excited these days as I have been going through plastics. I started in July with my arms (that was for me)...in January I will have my Tummy Tuck, breast lift and augmentation. (he gets new boobs and as he said, he cannot wait to take them for a spin) Yes, he actually said that to my plastic surgeon. She laughed so hard. He is usually pretty quiet so I think he shocked her. LOL.

[shedo82773 1,236]

We have been married forn43 years and have raised our 2 kids together. We have ALWAYS had a real strong marriage, not perfect but even after all these years we are still in love and are best friends. Planning on renewing our vows at 45 years. He has always been a big guy (isn't this how people think of men when they are fat Not us tho we are lazy and lie around eating BONBONS) He weighed 350#'s when we got married. He was 23 and I was barely 17. I got pregnant with my son right away. We had him in June and our 1st year anniversary was in Aug. I weighed 135#'s while we were dating but I had gained up to 142 by the time we got married. This should have been a warning. LOL We both let food be our life. We ate out together I cooked dinner every night and we had a sit-down dinner every night. I gained weight quickly after my kids were born. food was what we did. He had a Lap Band surgery in 2000 lost 100#'s. I tried numerous weight loss diets and would lose but gained back everything plus until I* had gained up to 285#'s I managed to lose 36#'s and kept it off. Then I had my RNY in July of 2013. Our relationship hasn't changed per say but....In have. We always had a GREAT SEX life up until 4 years ago. I have an idea why my sex drive changed but I won't be telling that part. So, 1 year before my surgery I started losing my sex drive!! I have ZIP drive now. Partly, because I know my hubby loves me but he likes his women a little thicker. So when he says I'm all bones or he has to reach over to check if I'm still in bed because I don't weigh enough to make a dent in the bed!! Or when he says NOW he knows what "BANGING BONES" feels like. I take it all to heart. Like I said I know we are in LOVE and can't see ourselves with anyone else. It is just ME!! Now I'm 60 and he is 66 and he does admit that his drive has slowed but I have 0 drive!! Idon't know if it will ever be different!! So yes my WL did affect me for sure!!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@shedo82773 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better. Don't be afraid to explore hormone therapy (testosterone might get your groove back). Exercise seems to help women. Check out the Meston Lab sight...http://www.mestonlab.com/ there are some ways to kick things back up if you are interested.