I'm looking for some good advice!

[Sandy6464 0]

I have a family member who is morbidly obese. She recently went to the doctor who confirmed this. She is 5” 4’ and she admits to weighing 340lbs, although we know that it is a lot higher than that. She keeps saying that she can do it herself but she is going to turn 53 soon and has been battling with obesity for the past 30 years. Her diets usually lead to more weight gain. We think that she is in denial about what a health risk it will be to do nothing. While she has discussed this surgery briefly, she is way too scarred to seriously consider it. She can’t even bring herself to do research on the topic. So, I’m trying to do research and reach out to real people who have experience with this surgery and can give me hope. I feel that this surgery could save her life. She is such vital part of our family and we are afraid that we’ll loose her if she doesn’t do something soon.

[Mamasahn 0]

Sandy, like your family member, I was terrified. I just made the choice to do it, made my appt. and relied on my amazing husband to help me keep the appt. The morning of my surgery, I asked him if I was doing the right thing. He reassured me. I cried. A LOT. But now I'm banded and 13 days later am 10 pounds lighter. Keep encouraging her. If she would like to talk to someone who was just as scared, have her email me. I would love to help encourage her.

Augusta

[ron46 0]

Hi Mamasahn, I saw where you told someone to e-mail you for help. I need help I am set to have a band Oct 13, and I am scared as to what happens after the ban, I love to drink tea or Water when I eat, is that out totaly, will I ever be able to do that again. I eat out for work meetings, will I be able to do that, please e-mail me

Ron46

[TracyinKS 7]

Unfortunately, the family member has to do it for themselves..... my mom is the same way, and until the person decides THEY want to emotionaly invest in this or ANY other Lifestyle change.. nothing will work, and they will just end up resenting you (the messenger).

[Brewa2000 1]

Amen to what Tracy said. I have a brother and SIL who are both morbidly obese. They are in denial and said the operation costs too much (This from people who just bought two new ATVs last year). Until they decide on their own, you are wasting your time and will probably just make them upset.

I have several customers in the same boat. Some have asked what I did and why. I explain to them I will tell them everything I know, but it will only work if you are truly committed to doing something about your health. If you get the band and are NOT committed to losing weight, there is an excellant chance will fail, so why waste your time and annoy them?

OK, I'm off the soapbox....

Bruce

[Wheetsin 714]

Show her the before & after thread here. Get her to weight herself. I was in denial about how fat I had gotten, until I was weighted and the surgeon's office. There was NO WAY I weighed that much, he must punk his scales to read heavier, so that people are more likely to get the surgery...

Everyone wants to believe they can do it on their own. Most things that we really put our minds to, we can accomplish. We can clean our houses, balance our checkbooks, get through difficult projects at work, but we can't sustain weightloss. Weightloss is different. Show me someone who was MO and "did it on their own." Is the weight still off? If so, show me them again in 2 years, or 5, or 10. Generally speaking the only way that MO+ maintain weightloss is to develop new addiction habits. Look at anyone you can think of (if you can even think of any) who has lost the weight "on their own"... and chances are they're now smoking, or drinking, or exercising maniacally, or... <insert addiction(s) here> MO.

A good therpist may be able to help. And there certainly are exceptions. And I am referring much more to MO+, vs. someone with 20 lbs to lose. But by and large, our obesity is too deeply rooted to just "change".

Remember that everyone here had to come to this decision on our own. No one forced us to do this, and if you pressure her into something she's not ready to do, not only will she rebel against it that strongly (for many MO who binge, this is a key binge trigger... "the vicious circle", but your relationship is also going to feel the strain.

Express your care for her. In a positive way. Always positive. Let her find her own inspiration.

[TerriDoodle 6]

I may be WAY off the mark here, but I'm inclined to say that she may be receptive to the idea of your doing a little research, 'just because you love her and are so concerned."...blah blah blah...and just bumming around on the internet stumbled onto this site...and lo and behold you found that people were raving about the band! They love it! It's reversible! It has a low complication rate and a high success rate! Wow! And look at these Before & After pictures! These people are all so freaking happy!!

<shrug> I dunno...I think it's worth a shot as long as you don't belabor it. Throw it out there, refer her to the site and let it go...the rest is up to her.

Best of luck and bless you for trying to help!

[DonHoll1 0]

People have to want to change. Some people are more afraid of change than they are of staying the same. I would tell her about this site and then leave it alone. Donna

[justwaitin2b 0]

How close are you personally to her? When she has dieted in the past, has she been a person to talk about it? or does she keep it all secret? Where abouts are you?

Alot of the surgeons here in Australia have info seminars, with no obligation, and this can take the fear out of finding out more, but you need to ask her to go with you - not the other way around.............. tell her you love her, and you are scared to lose her, and dare I say - use guilt if need be, to get her to the info session - but after that.... you can only be a support person - it will be up to her to commit to the process... good luck to you, K

[Mamasahn 0]

Hi, I'm sorry I didn't see your questions earlier. Please understand that I am very new to all this. I have only had my band for a month and yesterday got my first fill. What I can address is the fear you are having as I was plagued by it also.

My doctors have told me that I should not drink 15 minutes prior to eating up to 1.5 hours after eating. This is only to prevent the food from being made into a mush that will easily slide through your band. Like you, I do most of my drinking during meals and it has been very difficult for me to get used to, but on the other hand, would I rather be hungry right away? Nope, so I refrain from drinking with meals.

Going out to eat, in my opinion, is possible but for me I think it would be difficult. Of course I may just be speaking from my newness to the who thing. What do I eat? How do I time it so I finish with everyone else? Etc, etc....

I have been told to order high protien meals, no bread (it is a problem food from most bandsters), try to avoid white foods (rice, potatoes, pasta) and then cut everything into very small bites. Chew well and take your time. Try to put your fork down after every bite so you can finish with everyone else.

Again, Ron.... this is only what I have been told by my surgery center. I trust them completely as everyone who works in the center has been successfully banded. I am pretty sure my email is in my profile if you would like to email me... Yours was not, or I would have emailed this reply to you.

I do not regret getting banded. I look forward to each day of learning and shrinking...

Take care,

Augusta