Treated Differently After Your Surgery?

[tearsofapache 1]

This can be a painful subject, but it is a reality that we all face after losing a lot of weight. Many people experience this change within their own family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. I'm getting the RNY done in less than a month and would love if you could share your stories on this topic.

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[Djmohr 6,965]

There are a couple of things I would say about this topic.

- Prior to my weight loss people would look at me especially when i was either sitting on the airplane or coming down the aisle. It might have been me (LOl) but it always felt like they were saying a small prayer that they would not be sitting next to me. This never happens anymore.....in fact I can sit in a middle seat as comfortable as one might get in a middle seat.

- The look i would get from a flight attendant when asking for a seatbelt extender......that never happens anymore.

- My family treated me as if i could not do anything for myself and it drove me nuts and did not help my situation any. Now, i do get that they were always worried about me and it was meant with the best of intentions.

- Now i get noticed. Sometimes that can be offputting like when i go to my local pro health club swimming. I am usually the youngest in the pool, usually the most slim and for some reason and the elderly gentlemen flirt with me. YES, they flirt with me. Once several of them backed me into the corner. And, every woman in the pool gave me the stink eye.

It has happened a few times now and because of it, I have been avoiding the pool. I really need to get back there because swimming helps my joints and this is the only warm Water pool around.

- People that have not seen me in some time are shocked and they stare alot until they get used to me.

- My father n law and sons both think I am too skinny and are always telling me that. I dont mind that at all. They are just not used to the normal me.

- My Dermatologist who is my favorite doc of all time, sees me every 10 weeks and is still shocked at how i look but in a good way. He saw me at my absolute worst. He literally once saved my life! So for him, he is absolutely thrilled at my weight loss. I owe alot of my current situation to him because he is the first doctor that gave me hope and it snowballed from there. I saw him yesterday and shared that I am getting my Tummy Tuck and breast lift with augmentation done in January and he was so excited for me.

In terms of being treated differently.....I honestly don't think that has been the case. Most people who never knew me dont see anything different and therefore I am not treated any different. Its like I am not even there and that is ok with me.

[Pescador 1,374]

I will never forget the laughter at my obese husband when he had heatstroke in the Bahamas, when he was in the ER at Freeport. I have pictures of the fat kid when he was 12. I am married to the most gentle and wonderful man in the world, I have watched him go days without eating, go two years on liquid shakes, Optifast, with heartbreak. I have called Rescue so many times. Twenty five years together, and I now see him as a happy man the first time in his life about himself. I laugh at the amount of clothes he buys. I laugh at him being 69 years old and letting his grey hair grow a little, asking me if it is long enough for a ponytail. He will never be laughed at again.

[shedo82773 1,236]

Now from my point of view. Yes, I have been treated different. It has made me feel uncomfortable a few times when on my walk I see 2 older men staring at me as I go by and then look back at them staring at my NO BUTT!!! I know that my daughter loves me but sometimes I think she is just a little jealous. She is very overweight and has said a few times that no wonder my butt hurts because it is nonexistent. My friend and I had a standing joke between us when I was fat, it went like this "Look at the air between her legs!" B***H. A joke for sure. Now, for the big one. My hubby has always liked THICKER WOMEN, so when he makes comments about me being nothing but bones. Man, I would not mind if you had a breast Augmentation. ( What he really meant was a breast lift) it hurt me to the quick. He says there is nothing left to me!! I take these comments to heart!! I know he loves me, we have been married for 43 years. But once he says this it just won't go away because I know that he likes thicker women. Then if he says She has a nice body the first thing that comes to my mind is he doesn't like you skinny!! It is my own problem but I just can't seem to shake it. The one about when I used to walk into a room and think I'm the fattest person there. I hated that, now when I walk into a room I FEEL LIKE I'M still the odd one out!! Having people I haven't seen for awhile, say in a sarcastic voice, WELL, how much have you lost now!!! Yes, it is different but I will take it. BTW even tho it is weird I WILL BE OK!!! At least I'm Healthier and can buy regular clothes off of any rack!! Everything it has taken for me to get here is way more worth any dang food!!

[James Marusek 5,244]

I do not detect that I am treated any differently after my weight-loss from RNY gastric bypass surgery three years ago. For some people who haven't seen me since surgery, they sometimes fail to recognize me. Prior to surgery, like many others, due to my obesity, I was somewhat invisible. But now I am visible. Sometimes when I am in a store shopping and the person waiting on me is on the heavy side (and therefore somewhat invisible), I look at their name tag and greet them by name. They look up and are caught off-guard and astonished and grateful that someone took the time to notice.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Much tougher on women than men. (We guys usually can think of ourselves as studs and are not nearly as hard on ourselves as you ladies are on yourselves). Biggest problem is usually anger because you see new superficially from people. You go from invisible to people hitting on you. I won't deny it's hard on ladies. But I have noticed that this passes in a few months as you hit a new normal. Part of it will depend on where you started and how long you have been there. If this is an issue that was acute in High School, it will be really hard.

You have time...start working through this book: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Kit-Practical/dp/0976852659 It was very helpful to me. Good luck and remember, ultimately this is about changing your health for the good.

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@shedo82773

I would ask you how YOU feel about your appearance. The reason I ask is because many times we feel a certain way and then read more into comments than what is there.

If you feel great about how you look, then that rubs off on others. If you yourself feel like you are too skinny that may be part of the problem.

It takes a long time and sometimes we need help getting through such a significant change.

You have been married a very long time. I am guessing your husband is thrilled that you are now healthy and if that means you are no longer thick, he will Love you regardless.

We are all so hard on ourselves......Initially when some folks were telling me I was too skinny, it really did freak me out a litttle. It took some time for me to understand that they simply were not used to seeing us at a NORMAL size.

My husband is obese and has always been comfortable with women who have some meat on their bones. For him, he is most excited about how I feel and because of that He is thrilled for me. On Halloween we will be married 29 years. I was obese 27 of those 29 years.

The only bummer for both of us is how much loose skin there is but I decided I wanted in particular to have my breasts fixed. It is both for me and for him as that is always his favorite body part......LOL.

I have always said, I would rather have the loose skin than the fat and the scars vs the loose skin.

Anyway, my point is you might be overly critical of yourself and so you read more into comments made by others.

I get the no butt thing all the time....but I actually find it rather funny.

[erp 2,016]

I learned a lot about how people felt about me. Some revealed their own weight biases that made it clear that they now approve of thin me and did not approve of fat me before. Some like my husband, love me no matter what. A few revealed their jealousies, unhappy with themselves, then didn't like my transformation. Most people were just genuinely happy to see me get healthy. Strangers of course have no idea of my former obesity and seem surprised if I reveal having been overweight. It is clear they cannot fathom me 100+ lbs heavier. Strangers take us at face value/ on the surface. I generally find men I do not know to be more friendly and helpful.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I must have an AWESOME resting b!tch face because I was never treated differently fat or skinny. I was never bullied about my weight nor did I experience any negativity (excluding my own internal dialogue).

I didn't tell many people about my surgery and not one person asked me if I had it as I lost weight. People did ask what I was doing to lose the pounds and I simply told them that I was working with a doctor (true), following a high Protein low carb diet (true) and moving my a$$ a lot more (also true). If/when follow up questions were asked, my tone made it very clear that was the end of the discussion. Period. The few times people carried on an unwelcome conversation I simply told that that I was bored of talking about my weight but I'd be more than happy to talk about theirs. Oddly, the discussion ended abruptly.

I've recently started a new business - one that is very socially oriented - and my industry is often inundated with food deliveries, drinks, business lunches, cocktail hours, etc. For the first time (and I am 3.5 years out), people are noticing my smaller portions and my bizarre eating "behaviors" (like eating the meat out of a sandwich only, not grabbing a drink with lunch, skipping the dessert, etc.). This business if VERY people oriented and we are extremely focused on the details of people around us, so it's a bit startling at times. I've learned to grab a drink, a snack, a cookie, and then ignore it. I am open about my low carb ways so that's cut down on that conversation and now I get to hear about their latest and greatest diet attempts. People love to talk about themselves so it's easy enough to kindly steer the topic away from me and to them. These folks never knew me as a fatty so their questions/comments come from a different place than those who watched me lose, so it's definitely a different situation.

The more causally you handle these situations, the easier they are. Most of the "treatment" we receive is all in our heads. IN MY OPINION.

[KeepCalm 223]

I've noted my roommate trying really hard lately to be a lot nicer to me...

I got the finger from my baybe brat last night because I mentioned my weight and she's gained weight... and we both almost made my middle brat cry cause she's feeling like she's the heaviest now instead of me... and she doesn't know how to deal with it.

And I don't know how to help her... She did well when her boyfriend and her were going to the gym all the time, but then they stopped. I think she'll be alright now that she has a job again - and is more active.

I've always been the heaviest in my family after my dad - and I think even my mom is feeling a lil eh about it... because now even her clothes are to big for me :/ I guess the big notice will be if I go on the cruise next year with some friends who haven't seen me in about 3 - 4 years... We'll see what happens then

[Raynbolite 302]

When I was at my heaviest, people seemed to feel sorry for me. I was able to get around just not often, ate healthy food...just too much. But when the booth was too small, seatbelt didn't fit, butt was too big for airplane seat and the heat hit me hard... people had this look on their face.

I still have a ways to go, only 11wks out...but this weekend I did a craft show. Usually I talk to people who reach out to me, but this time people talked to me first, more crafters were friendly...and a crafter, this one older gentleman, he was just so sweet to me. It was a bad day for selling and he tried hard to make me feel better. I got a huge hug. It's like I am no longer invisible. I'm becoming myself again and other people are seeing it. I don't think it is my weight they are seeing. It's not a huge change yet...but my personality is coming back. I am feeling more like myself and people are noticing it. So, I am being treated differently by others, but I am also treating myself differently. HW 349, SW 326, CW 279.

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[shedo82773 1,236]

Djmohr

I am definitely very critical of myself. And I am sure that my hubby loves me. As I love him. I agree that it takes a long time to see myself a regular sized person!! I still look in the mirror and still see my fat. My skin kind of bothers me but....I am totally happy that I am able to do everything I can now. I know my hubby is teasing me but it is ME that takes it wrong!! Thank you for your post. It did make me feel better. I really love this site. Lots of true encouragement and people that care.

[Wendyfm 494]

I don't think I've really been treated differently, although most people have definitely noticed my hundred pound weight loss. I got a lot of compliments while losing, although that has died off now. The librarian where I work however was clueless about my weight loss. When I mentioned that I had lost weight and my face was thinner. He said he never noticed that I was heavy.

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[Ldyvenus 317]

I have recently been on an airplane, and was given the "Oh please not next to me" look. It was a first for me, I can buckle without an extender, it hurt my feels. Other than that... I am pretty much invisible.

[Crafty-in-Carolina 138]

I do not enjoy the new attention. I feel great and wouldn't change a thing, but I hate when I see someone that I haven't seen in a while and weight loss inevitably becomes the topic of conversation with laser-like intensity. I try to change the topic politely. I don't enjoy discussing my weight/health problems now any more than I did when I was bigger. I know this is temporary. Soon people will get used to the "new normal" and it will no longer be a novelty. I can't wait for that day. Right now, I dread walking into a room of people, especially if they haven't seen me in a while. I know they absolutely mean no harm, comments are meant to be complimentary and it's natural to express curiosity about dramatic changes, but still it feels very uncomfortable to have people staring, critiquing my body openly. Small price to pay in the overall scheme of things though.