DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

[pensanefloetry 28]

So my partner and I were supposed to be getting the sleeve together. My insurance company approved me for my surgery and they scheduled my surgery for Oct 27th. Her has not been approved yet and they are saying her surgery might not be until the end of Nov. We now it is causing problems between us because she feels like I was being impatient and selfish. And now she doesn't even want to get it because we aren't doing it "together". I just don't know what to do. If I should reschedule mine or what I should do. Please help....

[Caribear 184]

Would she really decide to not go through with this life-changing surgery just because you're not doing it on the same day? Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't want to have it done on the exact same day as my significant other. Having one or the other partner go first is a benefit, really. If you have been through it already, you will have a better idea of how to help her through her recovery.

It sounds like she is being the selfish one, and trying to control you. Would she really prefer that you both continue to be unhealthy, if that meant that you didn't have the surgery together?

[pensanefloetry 28]

She would. She is one of those people that she won't get it out of anger and I feel like if I do go through with it. It is going to cause problems in our marriage.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am a big believer in that everything happens for a reason.

There are benefits and drawbacks to both partners having surgery on the same day.

If it doesn't work out that you both are scheduled together that may mean it will work out better to do it separately.

Personally, I think it is important that even with your fears, that you go into surgery confident that it is the right decision for you regardless of what the other partner decides.

Best of luck with both of your surgeries.

[pensanefloetry 28]

Thank you very much. I am just scared it is going to cause problems between us. But thank you it does help me look at things a little different.

[Caribear 184]

I'm so sorry to hear that, @@pensanefloetry Are you both at the same surgeon's office? It may be very difficult to get things scheduled on the same day. Are you ok with waiting? What happens if she is denied? There are lots of things to consider here. I hope you find a solution that works for everyone.

[pensanefloetry 28]

I have no idea @@Caribear we are both at the same surgeons office. It looks like hers would be a month after mine from the discussion I had with her insurance. But she is still not happy. She called me selfish and told me she doesn't want to get it anymore. I'm fine with waiting honestly I didn't expect things to happen as quickly as they did. But they. Have and now it is causing issues. Thank you I hope we do too.

[The New Kel 1,312]

I agree with everything @@Caribear said.

On another note, this is just my opinion, but in the scope of marriage there are far, far more difficult and serious matters that will come up within the scope of your life together. Not having surgery on the same day to me sounds trivial compared to a lot of other issues. If she makes a huge deal out of this, how can she handle bigger stuff?

Just my thoughts. Good luck and best wishes to you both.

[pensanefloetry 28]

Lol @"the new kel" you have no idea. This is a constant battle and I am becoming tired. It's not just surgery it's a lot of aspects of our relationship. Idk. I am just getting tired and something that is supposed to be happy and life changing is now miserable and it sucks.

Edited October 22, 2016 by pensanefloetry

[Caribear 184]

If she doesn't want to get it anymore, does that mean she expects you not to get it either?

Can you talk to her about how this whole issue is making you feel, or will that make things worse? I'm so sorry that things are this difficult when you are just trying to do something healthy for yourself. I know you love her and I hope you can find a way to work this out. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Not having both of you sleeved a few weeks apart is a good thing. She can take care of you the first few days after and you can reciprocate. Also, the positive and less than positive aspects and results she can learn from.

Talk to your partner and have an open dialog on how both of you feel about this and your relationship together.

I hope your relationship with your partner is stronger than this.

Good luck and congratulations on your surgery in 5 days.

PS. Just a suggestion, be careful of what you may post, your partner may become a bariatricpal member too.

[sammy246 235]

I'm sorry but she sounds controlling and selfish. To not want your partner to improve their health when given he opportunity is just strange. I also think you need to talk to her, but it sounds like the conversation needs to be about a lot more than this one thing.

Good luck and do not let her stop you from taking this step toward a healthier life!!!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[pensanefloetry 28]

@caribear. No she is telling me to get it that it is what it is but her actions and anger contradict her words. I've tried talking to her about it and it just ends up an argument. I do appreciate it. It's stressing me the hell out lol.

[sammy246 235]

Not having both of you sleeved a few weeks apart is a good thing. She can take care of you the first few days after and you can reciprocate. Also, the positive and less than

PS. Just a suggestion, be careful of what you may post, your partner may become a bariatricpal member too.

I think she should show here this post and all of the replies. Only a toxic person would act this way. We're not children who need to throw temper tantrums and refuse to go to the birthday party because we can't drive together (that's how I see this.)

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[pensanefloetry 28]

That is what I was trying to explain to her @@4MRB4PHOTO especially since we have a very active 3 year old at home. And I definitely have tried talking and it just gets no where. And thank you I an trying to be excited but it is hard. And p.s lol maybe if she sees this she will realize that how she is behaving is wrong. Because according to her and her "friends" I am selfish.