I DONT KNOW HOW TO APPROACH THIS

[midgelovescookies 19]

I'm two days away from surgery. And my boyfriend made some comments basically telling me that my weight loss from the lap band isn't going to be to my credit. I know this surgery won't make me just drop any weight I'm going to have to make some serious life changes to succeed with my weight loss. I've been with him like a year and the relationship is pretty serious. He's also made it clear he doesn't want me to get the surgery. How should I deal with this? He's supposed to be my biggest support system.

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[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

drop him and run.... run as fast as you can. Trust in the fact that if he can't support you now... he won't support you in the future.

He doesn't want you to get surgery because of his insecurities..... trust this.... I know. Im not saying that you don't have confidence now.... but wait till you start shedding pounds....

My husband made these too me...... you are too skinny... you look like a bag of bones.... i liked your face when it was full, it didn't show the winkles like it does now.... I loved you more when you were fat..... your losing weight was the worst thing that happen to our marriage.... and on and on and on. and we were/still married for 25 years.

don't invest any more time in someone that can't support your choices to get healthy and happy.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

You're talking about your body, your life, your health, your.., your.... No one who is not you has a say in the decision. There's no "dealing." If you want to lose weight and he wants you fat, he's the one who either must change or walk off into the sunset. Be sent off into the sunset is more like it.

You're ahead of things because you understand that the surgery will not lose weight for you. You're the one who does the work with surgery as a support system.

Edited October 17, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Icantbelieveit 955]

If you're not with me, you're against me. That's life. If he is already telling you, you will not get credit for losing weight, I'd lose him.

Some partners are scared anout complications with the surgery and I get that. But those other comments raise so many flags it isnt funny.

Chances are immense that he won't be around in 5 years if he is bucking you already.

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[eliminnowp 113]

I think a lot of relationship issues come down to communication. Never assume what the other person is thinking or feeling.

You guys might benefit from talking through some things...First, maybe he doesn't really know much about the how the surgery works or the medical issues that contribute to obesity. My husband was hesitant when I first brought up wls, but the more he learned, the more he understood and accepted my decision. Would he be willing to learn more by going to a Drs appt or support group with you?

Secondly, you might want to talk more about why he doesn't want you to have the surgery. Is he worried about your health? Is he feeling insecure about you becoming healthier or more attractive? Is he afraid you won't be able to do or enjoy things you used to?

Once you each understand more about each other's perspective, you might be able to reach a better understanding.

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[Stephanie840910 37]

My boy friend did not want me try to get this surgery. But it's not about him it's about myself. I have a life I have children to take care of and I want a better life for me and them. Now he is not the father of my kids he is just my boyfriend. Now remember he is just your boyfriend not fiance or husband but that does not even matter. You just have to do what's right for yourself.

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[mschan218 81]

Unless abuse is involved (physical and/or mental), i would neve tell someone to leave their S.O.

My question is does he have a thing or even a fetish for big women? Can't deny that some people do. With that being said...the question then becomes does his preference outweigh (no pun intended), your preferences for yourself in terms of health and overall happiness with your body?

Once you answer those questions honestly I'm sure you'll do what's best for you. ????

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[pr_pitbullgrl 1,039]

Dump him. Someone that is trying to Cut You Down and refusing support wants to keep you down and he wants to keep you down for a reason. You should run as far away as you can

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[midgelovescookies 19]

He does like bigger women. But I don't see myself getting rail skinny. I plan on trying for 130-140. With my height I'd still be chubby.

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[Mindy78 372]

My boyfriend/ now fiancé was so against it but respected my decision. He was worried about the surgery itself and let's just say food is a big part of our life. With that being said. I'm 2 weeks post op. He is my biggest supporter and my accountability. food is still a big part of our life. We still go out, socialize. I just eat differently. I still cook and love to bake. He gets to enjoy my new recipes. It's not always about them scared of loosing you in a relationship stand point. He was just plain scared.

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[Pondlife 42]

His comments may be from ignorance, or they may be from fear, they could be from alot of things. Only you know the dynamic in your relationship.

Having said that when you made the decision to have wls you made the decision to start valuing yourself in a way that you might not have previously. Keep valuing yourself in all your decisions about YOU and you can't go wrong. You deserve support and if you feel deep down that his interests are being put before your health you might have to value yourself enough to go it alone.

[FunkyMunkyBrat 205]

I feel like you 2 need to sit down and have a very good conversation to find out why he feels the way he does. If you really love him and he you, maybe counseling to have someone help you both work through it.. It's definitely a big life change.. If he's not willing to go to counseling then you know where you stand with him..

Munky

[Unbridled 152]

Dump him.

You are going to be way HOTTER in a very short time.

Dump him and move on.

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[lizmo8175 56]

Bye Felicia!!!!!

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[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

He does like bigger women. But I don't see myself getting rail skinny. I plan on trying for 130-140. With my height I'd still be chubby.

If 130-140 is what you want for yourself irrespective of your boyfriend (that is, if you'd never met him), fine. That's your answer. If your ideal would be a lower weight, will you feel true to yourself if you instead aim for what you think he wants you to be? You are the only person who will ever live inside your mind, heart and body. They've got to be the right fit for you. This applies to all of life's decisions, not just weight. It seems to me that a solid relationship involves one partner being supportive of what the other wants for her/himself. In your opening post, you implied that he's negative about any loss. You need to determine if that will work for you for the long run. When you are sure of what you want, you'll "know how to approach this."