Spouse

[Joy@boman 151]

Who's spouse doesn't want you to lose much weight? My husband says not to lose over 30lbs. And he is very very slim. (Too slim). I feel he is undermining why I am doing this. Like 30lbs will not make me healthy. It makes me feel like he thinks this is a cosmetic choice instead of a medical need. In fact he had called this elective surgery over and over like I am getting a nose job.

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[Havasumoma 250]

Take him to your appointments.

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[PorkChopExpress 824]

My wife worries that it'll cause her to be less attracted to me physically, she has only ever known me as a big guy and although she knows it's important to my health and she supported me all the way, she's just worried about how she'll feel about it. She doesn't want a "skinny guy." I told her not to worry, even if I get lean I don't plan to be a "skinny guy." My goal is to put on some pretty serious muscle mass after I get closer to goal. I want to be able to do all the stuff I've pretty much never been able to do. I want my kids to think I'm a superhero and for them to be proud when they point me out to their friends...and I want to set a good example for them.

I've read that WLS can sometimes damage relationships though, because the party NOT doing the surgery often has reasons of their own that have nothing to do with their friend/partner/family member who is undergoing surgery, for them staying the way they are. Either they prefer you heavy, maybe they're insecure and worry about other people hitting on you, or you deciding you're too good for them...or they liked having an enabler to their own behavior, etc... There can be a lot of reasons. To me, this is something I have to do and if someone likes or loves me less as a result of it, then that was a problem on their end, not on mine.

Edited October 17, 2016 by PorkChopExpress

[rolosmom7 740]

My husband has always said my health and happiness are his top 2 priorities in life. I have no doubt that he'll love me at any size (I was around my goal weight when we were dating).

I do take him to my therapy sessions at times. But I wouldn't be too concerned. I'm sure hubby will come around when he sees how much happier you are.

????

[livvsmum 2,369]

My husband was unable to come to terms with my weight loss. I lost 140 pounds and he continually tried to undermine my efforts and became more and more obsessive and controlling as the weight came off. For us, the weight loss and the emotional power I took back (through lots and lots of therapy) threw off the power balance in our relationship and ultimately we were not able to work through it. I hope that you are able to work though it. Would he be willing to do therapy with you? Even with everything that's happened, I don't regret the surgery for a minute. It taught me a lot about myself and showed us some fatal faults in our relationship.

[reree6898 1,164]

My husband was very supportive in the beginning but as I lost more and more weight he got more and more distant toward me. He never admitted it but once I got smaller then him (he's not obese, just a little husky) things seemed to change even more. I don't know if it's because I stood up for myself more as I began to gain confidence or what but he walked out in July. The divorce will be final at the end of the year. I hope things are better then this for you.

[livvsmum 2,369]

Good luck to you! Never feel badly for taking your power back. It's the same exact situation for me.

My husband was very supportive in the beginning but as I lost more and more weight he got more and more distant toward me. He never admitted it but once I got smaller then him (he's not obese, just a little husky) things seemed to change even more. I don't know if it's because I stood up for myself more as I began to gain confidence or what but he walked out in July. The divorce will be final at the end of the year. I hope things are better then this for you.

[reree6898 1,164]

Good luck to you! Never feel badly for taking your power back. It's the same exact situation for me.

My husband was very supportive in the beginning but as I lost more and more weight he got more and more distant toward me. He never admitted it but once I got smaller then him (he's not obese, just a little husky) things seemed to change even more. I don't know if it's because I stood up for myself more as I began to gain confidence or what but he walked out in July. The divorce will be final at the end of the year. I hope things are better then this for you.

I hate to hear that, I hope all the best for you.

[The New Kel 1,312]

Who's spouse doesn't want you to lose much weight? My husband says not to lose over 30lbs. And he is very very slim. (Too slim). I feel he is undermining why I am doing this. Like 30lbs will not make me healthy. It makes me feel like he thinks this is a cosmetic choice instead of a medical need. In fact he had called this elective surgery over and over like I am getting a nose job.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

@@Joy@boman, Your husband seems a bit controlling. It's your health, your body. He shouldn't try and control that.

Do you think it is an insecurity issue?

I am lucky to have a spouse who has been my advocate since the day I went to my first consult. He is thrilled that I will be healthy and fit enough to join him in hikes, exercise, and just enjoy life more. However, from what I've read, lots of significant others have a hard time dealing with the changes.

It makes me wonder about the dynamics that the relationships are built on. I think that in some cases the non-obese partner feels happy and secure having an overweight partner for many reasons. But honestly, it's selfish. It might be good to explore what your husband is feeling uncomfortable about. Losing you? Having amore confidant wife?

Do what you feel is right for you alone and your health. Good luck!!

Edited October 25, 2016 by The New Kel