VET'S FORUM. What the %^&* is going on around here?

[bellabloom 2,467]

I left for a long time because I got tired of the drama and needed to focus on myself. I'm back now with a healthier perspective and happy to give my two cents to anyone needing support.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I think a lot of people leave because they are tired of being bashed by the newbies when they are sincerely trying to help. Then, there were a few messages from staff that also sort of championed the attitude that the vets were the issue here so MANY of them left immediately after those posts were written.

I am too freaking stubborn, but I will admit, it does get old.

I left because I was bashed upon a ton by others at my same stage, who are veterans now, like me. I believe that this is a journey that is different for everyone and we should practice empathy and kindness. A lot of "newbies" have poor pre-op support. There are more and more wls docs now and not all of them give nutritional advice. Also, the mindset of having to eat on a rigid diet type regime forever post surgery simply won't work. People reach their goal weight and regain when they try and do that.

During my weight loss I did not always follow the rules. I certainly cut my caloric intake but I was never a perfect patient. I still lost to my goal and then some. Perhaps I had an easier time because I did allow myself some leeway. This is not an all or nothing journey. It's really hard to expect someone to live on a diet 100% of the time forever and be able to have any real quality of life.

Newbies are looking for advice and we can give it to them and still be kind and have empathy. Maybe they won't lose all their weight. Maybe they will regain. Maybe they will suffer. That's their journey. Who ever said being overweight was a crime anyway? Props to them for trying and for asking for advice.

I feel a moderate approach is always best and I feel many of the vets on here are rude, patronizing, and just plain mean- all in the name of "tough love". You know what? Sometimes it's better to just give a little love. Weight issues are painful. Be kind.

I'm here to help who ever I can with what I've learned and I refuse to judge anyone else's life decisions.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Well ... now there are new people that are becoming

Veterans every day... so this can be a safe place to just relax and talk about things that come up years down the road....

I suspect some leave from regains.....

Personally that is always challenging for me. Good months. Not so good months.

Ps. I do know there was some kerfuffle months back. But I am ignoring it.

[bellabloom 2,467]

Well ... now there are new people that are becoming
Veterans every day... so this can be a safe place to just relax and talk about things that come up years down the road....
I suspect some leave from regains.....
Personally that is always challenging for me. Good months. Not so good months.
Ps. I do know there was some kerfuffle months back. But I am ignoring it.

Some regain is normal. I gained 15 lbs back from my lowest. Guess what? I don't care. This journey taught me there are more important things to worry about than weight. There is so much more to life. I hope anyone who has regained will be kind to themselves. Ones worth is not determined by ones waistline. Maybe some people leave because they just don't need to focus on weight any more.... like me. I let it go. Now I'm back to help others if I can. Let's keep this a positive place like julie said. Support. Always support. No judgement.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I'm not quite 2 year yet and now I know exactly why Vets stop posting. Pre-op it use to really puzzle me that so few long term people were active in WLS communities but now I totally get it.

1) New people ask the exact same thing that people have asked 1000 times before them. There is nothing wrong with them asking but it is tiring.

2) Personally I don't feel like a WLS surgery patient anymore. I eat normally, although in proper portions (the portions we eat are not small portions they are actual proper portion sizes). I can't really relate to post of the posts. There are things I could talk about with other people at my stage but none of them post, so, the site has little to offer me.

Without getting too far into it. @bellabloom you told a lot of tall tales, admitted to them, and backtracked a ton of times. People calling you out on not being truthful is not bashing. I guess since everyone that used to post that remembers you left or was banned you feel like you can pop back up playing victim. I haven't forgot. If I get banned for saying it or my post gets edited. Whatever.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I'm not quite 2 year yet and now I know exactly why Vets stop posting. Pre-op it use to really puzzle me that so few long term people were active in WLS communities but now I totally get it.

1) New people ask the exact same thing that people have asked 1000 times before them. There is nothing wrong with them asking but it is tiring.

2) Personally I don't feel like a WLS surgery patient anymore. I eat normally, although in proper portions (the portions we eat are not small portions they are actual proper portion sizes). I can't really relate to post of the posts. There are things I could talk about with other people at my stage but none of them post, so, the site has little to offer me.

Without getting too far into it. [mention=235696]bellabloom[/mention] you told a lot of tall tales, admitted to them, and backtracked a ton of times. People calling you out on not being truthful is not bashing. I guess since everyone that used to post that remembers you left or was banned you feel like you can pop back up playing victim. I haven't forgot. If I get banned for saying it or my post gets edited. Whatever.

I told tall tales? And you know this because...???

I never said anything untruthful. What would be my motivation to make anything up anyway? What would be the point?

I had bypass. Had complications. My bypass was converted to a sleeve. I got a bad bad stricture. I relapsed into anorexia. I got therapy. Got my stricture dilated. I got even more therapy. Recovered from anorexia. Gave up dieting. Found balance. I have dumping with my sleeve.. but otherwise I'm well.

That's all true. What sounds TALL to you about that?

My story hasn't changed cause that's what happened. It sucked. I survived.

I simply told of my experiences. People didn't want to believe me because the complications I went through are rare... well that's up to them. But nothing I ever said was a lie. I don't know why you care anyway. You don't know me! I was never banned. I just took a break. a lot of people don't want to hear about potential complications when they begin this process and I don't blame them. But they do happen and happened to me. I went through a lot. And many people on here were very mean to me.

But it's okay. Water under the bridge. I'm just here to give support to whom I can.

[Delta_35 129]

I too was on this forum and after surgery in 2012, I left. Now I am back and all I can do is smh. I now only post on threads from people who are really seeking advice. Yesterday I read about someone who went from band to sleeve, and said he couldn't stop eating all this food and drink. when asked if was doing the 30 min rule( no liquids before, during, or after) he said, sometime he didn't because he couldn't "stop" himself.

It is very obvious a lot people did not have the psych eval done. I will be honest, I did not have to through Aetna, they approved me without it. I think back and wish they had, but I somehow made it because of the willpower to change my eating habits and the willingness to want to LIVE. I don't think some of the people on here have the willpower or willingness, and it makes me worry how successful they will be in the end..and how they will affect others who are contemplating the surgery.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@Delta_35

My concern is that with do many people qualifying for surgery now that seem to be obviously bad candidates and failures that it will skew statistics and make WLS seem less effective than it is meaning long term, surgery may not be covered by insurance or harder to maintain.

I had an evaluation but it was a joke. I was prepared for surgery but no one prepares you for the end. The losing phase is easy, the end and loose skin is tough.

[Delta_35 129]

totally agree @OutsideMatchInside

I only been back on the forum for two weeks, but all these newbies are scary. They all say they are hungry, or they are posting questions about when they can expect to eat a slice of pizza or when can they eat "normal". The truth is, none of us will ever be able to eat normal again, no matter what your head is telling you. The more people who get the surgery and report low weight loss or none, will affect others in the long term...just like you said.

Some of these post really remind me of why I don't like forums in the first place, but I am determined to stay around. There are people like you and others who give great advice and remind me of the real purpose of the forum in the first place..all I can do is pray that the newbies learn sooner rather than later...

Edited April 6, 2017 by Delta_35

[bellabloom 2,467]

I too was on this forum and after surgery in 2012, I left. Now I am back and all I can do is smh. I now only post on threads from people who are really seeking advice. Yesterday I read about someone who went from band to sleeve, and said he couldn't stop eating all this food and drink. when asked if was doing the 30 min rule( no liquids before, during, or after) he said, sometime he didn't because he couldn't "stop" himself.
It is very obvious a lot people did not have the psych eval done. I will be honest, I did not have to through Aetna, they approved me without it. I think back and wish they had, but I somehow made it because of the willpower to change my eating habits and the willingness to want to LIVE. I don't think some of the people on here have the willpower or willingness, and it makes me worry how successful they will be in the end..and how they will affect others who are contemplating the surgery.

If losing weight was a question of being able to follow food rules no one would need this surgery. Obviously the majority of people who need this surgery are extremely fucked up about food. Why do you think that would get magically better by having their stomachs taken out? All this surgery does is force you to follow a diet by physically punishing you if you don't, until the effects of it end and then you're right back where you started, a disordered eater.

This surgery should not be based on preliminary psych Evals- it should be required that patients go through therapy before during and after surgery to normalize their eating.

It really bugs me when fat people judge other fat people. Ever heard of throwing stones at glass houses? Judging someone for failing wls is cruel.

[Delta_35 129]

9 minutes ago, bellabloom said:

If losing weight was a question of being able to follow food rules no one would need this surgery. Obviously the majority of people who need this surgery are extremely fucked up about food. Why do you think that would get magically better by having their stomachs taken out? All this surgery does is force you to follow a diet by physically punishing you if you don't, until the effects of it end and then you're right back where you started, a disordered eater.

This surgery should not be based on preliminary psych Evals- it should be required that patients go through therapy before during and after surgery to normalize their eating.

It really bugs me when fat people judge other fat people. Ever heard of throwing stones at glass houses? Judging someone for failing wls is cruel.

So first off, I wasn't judging anyone, I was stating my opinion of what I have seen on this forum.

I don't know what is going on with people on this forum attacking people for stating their opinions, but I am nip it right now. Don't EVER come for me again on a forum for posting my opnion about ANYTHING. I never once said anything negative towards anyone, I made a general statement about what I was seeing after being gone for so long, and I even commented I wish I had the psych eval, because whether YOU think its worth having it not, I do think it would help others incuding myself.

it really bugs the hell out me when fat people get on a forum and try to attack people like they are some type of expert on WLS. Get over yourself. if you don't like wth I am posting, don't comment or block. Its that simple @bellabloom I will post what I want, when I want..it really is that SIMPLE. Enjoy your day!

Edited April 6, 2017 by Delta_35

[Julie norton 2,850]

Please. No one ask here. What to take to the hospital! When you can drink awful liquids or eat fatty foodstuffs regularly.
I'm thankful we have some years under our belt.... and I agree... you do get your lessons in the first year....
Whether you continue them will make a huge difference in your success years out!!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@Delta_35

I keep telling myself I am going to stop posting here because for me the site is basically useless. I want to stay involved in WLS community I think remembering where you came from and helping others is a good support method to stay on track.

Yet, I'm not even 2 years out, I don't really consider myself a Vet. I have questions and issues I could use help with but there are virtually no successful Vets to ask. Even fewer that started with a BMI as high as mine (61). My issues and the problems I have are unique to being that large and losing so much. I have no community here I can talk to. It is basically just like being in the real world, alone with a unique experience.

I like answering questions because most responses are from people less than 6 months out that have a really skewed view what post-op life is like so it is the blind leading the blind.

Still with no real active community for WLS Vets, might as well just chill with my Keto friends.

This isn't just a reflection of this board, this is a major long term issue with WLS patients in general, long term, they just aren't active in the WLS community. Everything is just for newbs and I also think this is why so many people fail long term, there is no long term support, just immediate post-op and that is what all information is geared for.

Also, Bella is always trying to take someone to task for what they say but as soon as someone gets on her case, she wants to play victim. She is one of the most passive aggressive internet characters I have encountered in a long time.

Edited April 6, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[bellabloom 2,467]

[mention=127898]Delta_35[/mention] I keep telling myself I am going to stop posting here because for me the site is basically useless. I want to stay involved in WLS community I think remembering where you came from and helping others is a good support method to stay on track. Yet, I'm not even 2 years out, I don't really consider myself a Vet. I have questions and issues I could use help with but there are virtually no successful Vets to ask. Even fewer that started with a BMI as high as mine (61). My issues and the problems I have are unique to being that large and losing so much. I have no community here I can talk to. It is basically just like being in the real world, alone with a unique experience.

I like answering questions because most responses are from people less than 6 months out that have a really skewed view what post-op life is like so it is the blind leading the blind.

Still with no real active community for WLS Vets, might as well just chill with my Keto friends.

This isn't just a reflection of this board, this is a major long term issue with WLS patients in general, long term, they just aren't active in the WLS community. Everything is just for newbs and I also think this is why so many people fail long term, there is no long term support, just immediate post-op and that is what all information is geared for.

Also, Bella is always trying to take someone to task for what they say but as soon as someone gets on her case, she wants to play victim. She one of the most passive aggressive internet characters I have encountered in a long time.

I'd say I'm more of a super hero internet character but that's just me... lol. What you want is advice on how to stay on a diet after weight loss surgery gets less effective. Im sorry to say... eventually everyone will fail a diet or restrictive low calorie meal plan. I think you may just not want to accept what I have to say. I have a very different viewpoint than other people on here and I'm proud of that. I've gone away from diet mentality to intuitive eating and it's worked for me. I'm here to offer body positive messages. I reject the notion that being overweight is a negative thing. I also believe obesity is a mental problem not a physical one. We can agree to disagree and that's fine.

I feel I have a valuable perspective to contribute. I went through major complications over this surgery and it came at a huge cost. I had a lot of growth to do and I came away loving myself no matter my weight. I'm just trying to encourage that in others.

I most definitely consider myself a vet as I maintain my weight without effort and have extensive experience with wls and weight loss and gain in general.

I think this site is wonderful and useful. I like helping new people. The plastic surgery info is great as time moves on. It's a great resource for people with weight loss struggles. It's a good place to discuss a variety of issues.

[Delta_35 129]

3 hours ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

@Delta_35

I keep telling myself I am going to stop posting here because for me the site is basically useless. I want to stay involved in WLS community I think remembering where you came from and helping others is a good support method to stay on track.

Yet, I'm not even 2 years out, I don't really consider myself a Vet. I have questions and issues I could use help with but there are virtually no successful Vets to ask. Even fewer that started with a BMI as high as mine (61). My issues and the problems I have are unique to being that large and losing so much. I have no community here I can talk to. It is basically just like being in the real world, alone with a unique experience.

I like answering questions because most responses are from people less than 6 months out that have a really skewed view what post-op life is like so it is the blind leading the blind.

Still with no real active community for WLS Vets, might as well just chill with my Keto friends.

This isn't just a reflection of this board, this is a major long term issue with WLS patients in general, long term, they just aren't active in the WLS community. Everything is just for newbs and I also think this is why so many people fail long term, there is no long term support, just immediate post-op and that is what all information is geared for.

Also, Bella is always trying to take someone to task for what they say but as soon as someone gets on her case, she wants to play victim. She is one of the most passive aggressive internet characters I have encountered in a long time.

@OutsideMatchInside Yea I don't have time for Bella, or those sorts of people. I was simple stating what I saw on this site. And I am sorry, I didn't come back on this site to sit here and sugarcoat the truth to newbies, I am not doing that. If you ask, you shall receive..and really this what the site USED to be when I first joined! The reason I was so successful and still is, was because of people on this site telling me like it was and is, and not being scared of hurting my feelings. Its really sad that a lot people are on here seeking help and are being cuddled. This form should be a support group we all can come to and get the truth, point blank. I am not saying people should be rude, but its nothing wrong with tough love.

And you are right, I totally understand what you are saying. It is sad that a lot us leave the site after being so successful. People like you and others could really benefit from having role models who went through the same things that you are currently experiencing. If there is anything you need advice with or just a listening ear, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I am fighting to stay on here for the long run, even though I know it will be a battle with all these internet trolls..lol. However, I am determinded because being back has also helped me get back on track and has reminded me of why I had the surgery in the first place. Even Vets need support sometime