Learning to Put Yourself First (Sometimes!)

[Vagrant Violet 17]

Hi, all!

In a couple of hours, I am going to see a surgeon to find out more information about getting a gastric bypass done. I have to be honest here- I'm a bit nervous. It has been difficult for me to come to this important decision, but I feel that it's gotten to the point where it is undeniable that I need help with my health and my weight.

One of the main issues keeping me from pursuing this 110% has been my three and a half year old son, who has special needs and has to attend therapies a few times a week. I worry because I might not be able to help him or to be as hands on with him as much as he needs (or even pick him up), and don't want it to all fall on my husband's shoulders (and neither does he). My in-laws still work and my own family lives in another country, so I don't have too many resources as far as reliable childcare goes.

It's hard to shake the feeling that I am putting myself before my son, before my family.

For fellow working moms with young kids who have had WLS done, I'm just curious- Was it difficult on your children/spouse? Did you feel any guilt? If so, how did you deal with it? Was it hard for the family to adjust to all the changes?

Very sincerely,
Violet

PS- It's hard for me to coherently explain all the details that went into this situation (too many) but if any of you are interesting in reading my story/blog post about this, here it is: http://vagrantviolet.com/2016/10/loving-thick-thin/

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

If you don't put yourself first and die from ill health due to obesity or even just become less mobile because of obesity, who is going to care for your son?

It sounds to me like the smart thing is to take care of yourself first so you CAN take care of your son. If YOU don't, who will?

[reree6898 1,164]

It may be hard for the first few weeks while you recover but a few weeks of hard now is way better then the rest of your life being harder then it should be due to obesity and the health issues that come with it. Continuing on the path of obesity will only hurt you and your ability to care for your child.

[greycurls 11]

I haven't had the surgery yet and my daughter is 6.5, but I hear where you're coming from. Completely. But I'm also 44 and already can say I wish I would've gotten this serious about WLS when my girl was younger- or even before she was born. As it is now, she'll remember me being fat and unhealthy. I'm concerned my husband will have to endure a lot the first month (especially) after surgery but... I have to believe it's a small sacrifice to pay to be truly healthy and alive and active again.

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[sey1008 43]

I have a high anxiety, nut allergic son, and a diva of a toddler. Nobody gets them like I do. I stay at home. I homeschool. I am NEVER first. Period.

So it's like this: I can keep going knowing that no matter how much I lose, I will never keep it off, and it will eventually kill me and leave these kids without the one person that gets them, the one person that knows their quirks inside and out, the one unconditional love person they'll ever have... or I can be selfish for what amounts to a very small moment in time and have surgery.

They will be okay eating junk for a few weeks. They will be okay if we miss a homeschool event, or boy scouts. Putting off a couple of doctors appointments won't screw everything up. My husband will survive picking up the slack that I would normally take as my burden. He will survive eating frozen pizza.

Everyone might have an issue here and there, but they will all survive. Better they learn this way than after having to bury you, or worse, have you become their permanent burden. You'll be of no use to anybody then.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. I KNOW it feels that way when there are Halloween costumes to be bought, doctor's appointments for the little, and dinner to be made... but you can't do those things if you aren't here.

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