Does it make me a horrible wife

[QueenOfTheTamazons 634]

that I am getting a little irratated at how helpful, careful, sweet etc my husband is being?

Every time i call him or grimace he is like "whats wrong? Are you ok? What do you need?" and when I get up he is asking where am i going or if i need help. I appreciate him trying to be there for me (especially since he is pretty lazy most of the time) but its getting a little trying.

Tomorrow will be one week post op.

I know that when he has the surgery he will be a giant baby and i will not be able to be anywhere near as doting without getting irratated, nor will i be able to be as physically helpful as i will be less than 6 weeks post op.

Am i horrible?

[Icantbelieveit 955]

Men feel good when they can fix something. Whether it is a broken item or emotions. Me and my husband got into a discussion about this the other night. I was mopey and he kept saying to tell him what he can do to fix it. I td him there wasnt anything he could do. Round and round for about 30 mins.

Let him help and fix it, makes them feel needed and gets you out of the situation faster and that will diffuse the aggravation you are building.

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[blizair09 3,250]

This thread is in stark contrast to the dozens of my husband/wife/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. isn't being supportive threads.

Let him be there for you. It seems pretty awesome that he cares so much and wants to support you as much as he can.

My partner has been pretty great through the whole thing, but I also know from 8 years together that he and I make terrible nurses sometimes. Consequently, I brought my Mom and Dad in for a week post-op. No one takes care of you better than your mama does!!

[corneygirl 5]

I understand where you are coming from as my husband is very, very similar! I am a very independent woman and he loves to take care of me, which isn't needed very often.

I try and let him take care of me but it does get hard, especially now that I am two weeks out from surgery and doing well.

It's all done in love so I'm just letting him dote on me. I go back to work tomorrow and then I'll be taking care of myself for most of the day.

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[QueenOfTheTamazons 634]

This thread is in stark contrast to the dozens of my husband/wife/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. isn't being supportive threads.

Let him be there for you. It seems pretty awesome that he cares so much and wants to support you as much as he can.

My partner has been pretty great through the whole thing, but I also know from 8 years together that he and I make terrible nurses sometimes. Consequently, I brought my Mom and Dad in for a week post-op. No one takes care of you better than your mama does!!

I have seen tons of those. We actually met thru the medifast diet website, so losing weight together (and gaining weight together) has always been a part of our relationship. I am not trying to be braggy... i just know that if asked me for as many favors as he is offering i would be getting irratated. I am also kinda worried that he is setting a high bar, one that i will be too cranky to reach when its his turn.

[blizair09 3,250]

This thread is in stark contrast to the dozens of my husband/wife/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. isn't being supportive threads.

Let him be there for you. It seems pretty awesome that he cares so much and wants to support you as much as he can.

My partner has been pretty great through the whole thing, but I also know from 8 years together that he and I make terrible nurses sometimes. Consequently, I brought my Mom and Dad in for a week post-op. No one takes care of you better than your mama does!!

I have seen tons of those. We actually met thru the medifast diet website, so losing weight together (and gaining weight together) has always been a part of our relationship. I am not trying to be braggy... i just know that if asked me for as many favors as he is offering i would be getting irratated. I am also kinda worried that he is setting a high bar, one that i will be too cranky to reach when its his turn.

I can understand that. Jason and I both try to be as supportive of each other as possible during "sick" situations, but I think we both always generally fall a little short and feel guilty about it. It's just a cycle, I suppose...

[KristenLe 5,979]

@queenoftheamazons Have you told him that you appreciate his help but you are okay. I much prefer to be alone when I'm sick or not feeling well. I'm pre-op so it may be a different story after surgery but I am encouraging my SO to go to work except for surgery day. I will be happy if he does things around the house and takes care of our dogs but I hope to not need much. My Aunt offered to stay in the hospital with me and I was like HELL NO! Lol. Your hormones may be making you less tolerant of his behavior(it is really nice of him!)

[AbiVSG 3]

I understand where you are coming from but try to stifle those feelings of being annoyed. He just worries and wants to do anything he can to help. That's how my husband is anyway. Also, men don't have a lot of gears so I'm sure for him it's all or nothing and in this case the "all" is much better for your recovery.

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[krissyfattofab 68]

No. I understand what you mean. I feel like I have to return the favor and he won't be so quick to try and do it himself. Plus I don't like being taken care of. I like to be self sufficient and think if i can manage then he can too.

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[ShelterDog64 2,364]

It's understandable, but it's also a lot better than being with someone who doesn't care about you, leaves you because you're obese, tries to sabotage you, etc.

I think we're ALL a bit irritable post-op, so remember this when it's his turn

[Raynbolite 302]

My hubby and I were very supportive right after surgery we both had. Now we are into the mental side of recovery. We give each other space...it's different, but we are still there if one of us needs the other. This lifestyle change is not easy, but we are taking it day by day.

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[QueenOfTheTamazons 634]

I think part of the clinginess is that he wasnt with me for the surgery. The hospital is 180 miles from our house. It didnt make sense for him to come with me, have the extra expense of a hotel room and boarding our three dogs for him it sit around waiting. It made more sense for him to be around post surgery.

Instead he was able to get friday, saturday and sunday off. He drove down to pick me up when i was discharged and was around to haul me off the couch, off the bed, off the toilet (jk on that one).

I didnt realize until yesterday how much being on the sidelines (and kinda out of the loop in case something happen) worried him.

HW 385 SW 359 Sleeved 10/5/16

[busybeebug 415]

It's sweet that he is wanting to help so much. You can sit him down and gently talk to him. Tell him how much you appreciate his help and empathy. Then kindly tell him that you are okay and are healing nicely and you will ask for help when you need him.

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

Look, he is a guy and like was said earlier, WE LIKE TO FIX THINGS. Give him something to fix and he won't be so attentive to you. Got a project that he can do? Point him at it. It will fill his needs and keep him busy.

[GoCubbies79 31]

Both my wife and myself had gastric bypass surgery at different times. We are both supportive, helpful, and attentive to each others needs.

As a man I am a bit offended by the intention of this thread. I dont know anyone personally from this site so please dont take this as personal.

If you are unhappy at your husbands laziness why does it bother you that he is there to ensure you are ok. Do you have insecurities that you take out on him because he wants to be helpful? How can you be irritated with a projection of how he may need assistance when he goes through life altering surgery?

Sounds like you want him to be lazy just so you can be unhappy and complain about it. Sounds like you are just a debbie downer.

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