Husband Isn't being supportive

[luli1690 31]

Im 26 yrs 236lbs. He says that i dont need it that i can do it without surgery. I have done diet and have Excellent result but i gained it back.

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[jmartinez82 22]

is he concerned that you can't have kids post sleeve?

You can't have kids post sleeve? There is a whole forum on here with ladies who are pregnant.

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[Christinamo7 4,042]

yes, of course you can, I just wondered if HE was worried that you couldn't

[jmartinez82 22]

Oh ok. I got scared.

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[luli1690 31]

Thank You all For the Great advices. After I get My sugery date i Would talk to about it again.

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[betty55e 0]

Well there's got to be a buried reason why he's not supportive. I would ask him if he is scared of what could happen and then ask him if he trusts you, and if he does then he should trust that you want to do what's best for your health in the long run. I wouldn't argue or go back and forth with him, but at the very end of the day, sweetheart you have to do what's best for YOU, and pray that he comes around and sees that your need to be healthy is far more important than his ego!

If I were you and my husband did not want to support, I would focus on this process all by myself rather than babysitting his emotional hind at this point. If he makes negative comments, tell him to keep them to himself and that you don't have the patience for the drama at the moment.

Once you have healed, deal with him.

Maybe he is insecure and afraid that a thin you will not choose him, maybe in our attempt to fix our healths, we don't give them the attention they deserve.. At the end, you need to focus on your health and at this point, there is no room for extra drama from anyone.

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Idiots gonna idiot.

You gotta live for yourself.

Let him dictate his ignorance to his next wife.................while you are having much fun with boyfriend # 7.

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[MSer07 39]

my husband wasn't very supportive either he kept telling me I'm ruining Holiday plans...and I don't need it...I pushed forward and I told him I'm not doing it to ruin anything but to help myself...I'm doing it for me. period. my date is set 11/14/16. Push through, pray and breathe. good luck.

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[smg 471]

So my original thought when hearing things like this are that the spouse is just "scared" and sometimes fear can cause negative reactions in an effort to stop you from moving forward, however, this one sounds a bit different. Honestly, I think there are still several possibilities as to why he's reacting this way, and I have no idea which it is (or if it's something different altogether), but here are my thoughts.

Possibility #1: He's scared. I don't think this is the answer in this case because your mother has apparently had success with the surgery unless she had complications that you didn't mention and he's seeing that as a possibility.

Possibility #2: He's insecure and thinks that if you lose a bunch of weight you may not be attracted to him any more if you start to get more attention from other men.

Possibility #3: He likes eating poorly now and knows that once you are sleeved food experiences will change in your house, which will most likely include what he eats as well?

Possibility #4: He's a selfish prick and either #2 or #3 scare the s***t out of him to the point where he is willing to make you risk your health and happiness to keep his idea of "normalcy" intact.

Possibility #5: He really doesn't believe that you need the surgery and is willing to help you lose and then maintain your weight once you hit goal without surgery.

Not sure which of these (if any) are the one that fits, but in the end you have to do what's right for you. You have to live the rest of your life. You shouldn't have to choose misery to please another.

Best of luck!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

One of the reasons I started this process in January, w/ 38 fast approaching was health and fertility issues. God had a different plan. Diagnosed w uterine cancer in April and partial just in June changed that, but I had already lost a little weight and was feeling much better. Still being diabetic I decided to proceed. My boyfriend who I met in April wasn't exactly supportive when I first told him my plans. Now on the w week liquid diet I tease him about "I'm gonna eat this or that" he tells me no because I have surgery coming up.

He has insecurity and trust issues, not from me, but his past. He worries because after all, it's surgery. Because he thinks I'm beautiful at 260ish. Those were his reasons. Mine were I don't want to be like both my parents and die at a young age, it took me this long to find him. I need all the time I can get.

It's one of those things you need to decide for yourself I think. Just pray about it, and God for his guidance.

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HUGE RED FLAG. I'm not saying you can't overcome it. But it points toward trust and security issues. There is a Chinese proverb "marry an ugly woman, and happiness will follow you." http://www.businessinsider.com/beauty-standards-family-values-china-2015-2#ooid=A2ZDA2czqSqbJOFG5SDDrvRmvRoUjAPm

The question is "why doesn't he want you to be healthy? Is it because of his insecurities?" I'm sorry that I am playing long distance shrink, but that is what pops up in my mind. I hope I am wrong, but I do hope you will run this question through your filters.

[Valentina 2,642]

Hello everyone, I need some advice. My Husband is not being supportive at all. I am in so much stress and I do not even have My surgery date. My mother was sleeved 4 years ago. All he keeps saying is That's the reason I want to get the surgery. He says that i dont need that and that Im being stupid. I think he does not want me to get sleeved because dont have kids. We hhave being married for 3 years.

I dont know What to say to him. Im getting tired.

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This post hits way too close to my heart, so that is where my comments are coming from.

My SO committed suicide while I was having my sleeve surgery. He was adamant about me not having WLS. I listened to everyone who said, "Go ahead. He'll come around. Do what's best for you. He's just selfish. He's a prick. He's insecure. etc. etc. etc. ".

I don't know how strong your marriage is---it's none of my business, but I want to offer this to you:

If today I was given the choice:

1. having WLS and living my life without John

2. Not having WLS and living twenty years less with John by my side.

There is not a second's hesitation...

I just wanted to share my thought processes with you on your thread.

God bless.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

@@Valentina Wow. I am so sorry for your kind of pain that you deal with on a daily basis. Life sure throws curves whatever we choose to do. Your sacrifice was a biggy.

I wish you all the best and good and love as you go forward in this journey.

[Pescador 1,374]

Valentina, big hug! You are awesome.

[Christinamo7 4,042]

@@Valentina I was hoping you would show up on this thread with your perspective as I felt it is a part of the equation that is not always considered. Lots of love to ya.

[smg 471]

@@Valentina I'm so sorry for your loss. You have been such a great source of information for me on my journey, and I had no idea you had gone through that.

God Bless.

[Candygyrl 637]

Evaluate his reasons for not being so supportive. Validate his assumptions. You know what honey yes! You're probably right-- your mom has inspired me! Just look how great she looks and how much healthier she is. I talked to her about it and she says its the best thing she could've done for herself. I've researched pregnancy and the sleeve and have plans to speak with the Dr. about it. I really wish you could come with me to my appt to ask questions you might have. But once I lose weight it'll be so much easier for me to become pregnant! I want us to have a family one day. I want to be a healthy mom and wife. I'm not sure how your husband will respond but sometimes you have to play into them. Even though you've made up your mind. Good luck to you!