male only Single and a bit frustrated/anxious

[Alfred Day 90]

I'm preparing for the surgery and attending a series of 4 Bariatric Lifestyles in preparation for surgery. Generally these classes have been enormously helpful and very motivating.

Last nights class (the third one) was about managing relationships through the experience of prepping for the surgery, recovery and maintenance. The class focused exclusively on relationships with partners and children.

I'm single, not seeing anyone and don't have any kids. I was frustrated for a while but then I decided to try to take what I could from the class and try to apply it to my other relationships with friends and people I work with.

Fairly quickly though I began having anxiety about the fact that I'm going to be going through this alone and without someone else in the house for support. I have family, but they live between 2-6 hours away. I have friends here locally, but no one that I feel close enough to that I would ask to stay at my house post surgery. I've had surgery's in the past and been able to manage just fine by myself.

Anyone have experience around doing this solo? I do have the classic male problem of not liking to ask for help, but in this case, I would ask for it, I just don't think it's practical in my situation.

Any feedback is welcome.

[laceemouse 631]

I understand your concern about being alone after the surgery, I haven't had mine yet so maybe others can answer questions about that better.

As far as living alone post WLS I think in some ways it would be easier. I have a husband who does try to eat healthy but has never had a weight problem. Two of our four kids still live with us, they are also thin and want to keep food in the house that I shouldn't be eating. Honestly I think I am going to have to ask them to keep goodies in their rooms so I don't even have to look at that stuff!

[James Marusek 5,244]

You will need someone to bring you home from the hospital after the surgery and also accompany you the the drug store to pick up the prescription meds. You can stock up on a week or two of Vitamins and Protein shakes prior to surgery. I did not find it any more difficult to manage than after other surgeries.

I did not take any pain medicine after I left the operating room because I didn't have much pain and because I also wanted to drive as soon after surgery as I was able. If you are on pain medicines, it will prevent you from driving safely.

[BigViffer 3,544]

I actually fainted 3 days post op. I like to think of myself as a manly man; as much as I disliked the doting behavior of my wife those first few days I am very glad she was there in hindsight.

I hear where you are coming from and I totally relate. But call a friend and see if they can stay with you. Tell them you are just going to be hanging out and you need him to eat all your food that will go bad!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Alfred Day

I live alone. My best friend flew from the coast the day before surgery and left 2 days after. Surgery on Wed, home on Thursday, friend left first thing in the morning on Friday. I was alone the whole time after that.

I think being single and living alone is a massive advantage in this process. There are tons of posts of people whining about their family, co-workers, and partners. Less drama, less stress, the better.

You don't have to worry about anyone else and their feelings. You have complete control over the food in your house, and you don't have other people projecting their feelings onto you. I have it even better because not only do I live alone, I also work alone from home. No nosy fake caring co-workers to deal with.

My friend drive me to and from the hospital and picked up my pain meds from the pharmacy. I stopped taking the pain meds after my first night at home because the narcotics were causing more pain than they solved.

The biggest mistake I made relating to living alone was stocking up on a bunch of stuff thinking I wouldn't be able to leave the house. Most of that stuff went to waste. I was driving on Saturday after surgery.

Enjoy being single, it can be a gift in a situation like this.

I missed this was male only, but there aren't many really single people around here so I think my advice still stands. Didn't mean to thread into male land.

Edited September 22, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[heidikat72 935]

Apologies for hijacking a guy's room post, but as a single female I too can relate. I was worried about going home post op with no one there but at the same time, I hated the thought of asking someone to stay with me - so I didn't. I had one friend drop me off at the hospital friday morning, another friend pick me up and drive me home sunday. I was able to get my pain meds and other scripts filled there at the hospital pharmacy or you can even ask at your pre-admissions appointment if they can give you the scripts then so you can get them filled before surgery. I was absolutely fine being at home alone. I did have three friends calling/texting to check on me each day that first week. It just happened to work out that one would always do it in the morning, another midafternoon and one in the evening. And if I hadn't answered them right away I'm sure they would have been on their way over to check on me. But it worked out well, and bonus - I could stay in my pj's all day and didn't have to worry about anyone chomping away on junk food right in front of me!

So bottom line, it is no problem to be at home alone after surgery. I would recommend having someone on standby checking in with a call once in a while.

[BigViffer 3,544]

All sound advice. Hope these various opinions helped you out some!

Sent from my phone. Please forgive brevity and spelling.

[LisaMergs 2,854]

Ok. I'm in the boys room- sorry- but perhaps at your final meeting, you could mention to the session leader that you're going to be doing this alone? Then they could sort of announce to the entire group of anyone is going through the process without help, a buddy system may be available. Without pointing out who is doing this by themselves, maybe he could hook you and a buddy up- and you can help each other.

Did I make sense here trying to explain what I mean?

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[KristenLe 5,979]

Ok. I'm in the boys room- sorry- but perhaps at your final meeting, you could mention to the session leader that you're going to be doing this alone? Then they could sort of announce to the entire group of anyone is going through the process without help, a buddy system may be available. Without pointing out who is doing this by themselves, maybe he could hook you and a buddy up- and you can help each other.

Did I make sense here trying to explain what I mean?

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I could never do this! I'd much prefer to do it alone! I guess my antisocial bitch just came out! Lol. I'm not even sure I want my family around when I'm feeling lousy! I'm sending my SO to work so at least I'll have some time alone.

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[hats123 67]

Sorry, another woman crashing the guys' room. Yes - I can relate, Alfred Day, and I also feel much the same as KristenLe. I'm single and live with my young son, but have a boyfriend (not live in....that's what I mean by single). I booked my surgery for when he would be about 8,000 miles away, literally, because that's how much I hate having people around when I'm in pain. (I had my son stay with his dad that weekend bc I didn't want him to worry, and I didn't want to worry about taking care of him).

If you live in a city you should be able to get everything delivered, and if not, then yes, you should be able to get your prescriptions in advance. Since you've had other surgeries, then this recovery shouldn't be all that different. I agree with previous posters that it's good to have people checking in by text or FaceTime or whatever. And even a casual friend should be able to bring you home from the hospital without your having to deviate much from the Guy Code of Independence. It's just a fact of adult life. Good luck to you!!

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[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

try to apply it to my other relationships with friends and people I work with.

Fairly quickly though I began having anxiety about the fact that I'm going to be going through this alone and without someone else in the house..... I've had surgery's in the past and been able to manage just fine by myself.

Anyone have experience around doing this solo? I do have the classic male problem of not liking to ask for help, but in this case, I would ask for it, I just don't think it's practical in my situation.

Let's start at the end. "...don't think it's practical...?" What does that mean? That's a rhetorical question. One of the classic male problems is not knowing that "practical" sometimes has nothing to do with anything. It would be imprudent not to ask for help.

Good for you for apply the relationship topic to all your relationships.

Since you've been independent post-surgery before, know that this will be the same. You don't need anyone staying over. You will want a couple of people you can call should you need help with something that arises unexpectedly. Get them lined up before surgery. Buy as many of the things you'll need in advance, including whatever prescriptions you'll be given to take after surgery. Let your practice know you'll be on your own so that they will give you the pain scrip beforehand.

Do my classic female thing. Change the sheets on the morning of surgery. That morning, not the day before. When you return home, you'll have a lovely, fresh bed. If it's not your usual, take a set of sheets to the hand laundry a couple of weeks before. You'll be in for a treat when you get into lightly starched and pressed sheets. .

From now on ask for directions when you're driving in unfamiliar territory.

Drat that "male-only" thing. It never shows up until it's too late.

Edited September 23, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[LisaMergs 2,854]

^^^. That. Totally on point.

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[sgc 538]

I was alone and did fine. I had someone drop me off at home. I had my prescriptions filled at the hospital. Went to bed early that night and was fine the next day.

[Recycled 2,182]

I was alone and did fine. I had someone drop me off at home. I had my prescriptions filled at the hospital. Went to bed early that night and was fine the next day.

OK,,,,,,Guys room.....Guy question.......

Guy answer...- sgc's reply above is basically it. No big deal. If you're used to being on your own before the surgery, you'll be fine after. If you have pain and continue to take pain meds.......use an alarm clock for the med schedule. Take advantage of the opportunity and get plenty of rest. Get outside and walk around often.

All easily done by yourself.

The hospital is gonna make you have someone there to drive you home. That's pretty much all you need help with.

[illailla 79]

lol has the male forum ever been the male forum?